Ashes to Ashes—We all Fall Down
July 30, 2013
I’m not one to force anyone into a new paradigm of thinking. But it doesn’t take a professor of psychology to know that all of us fall short of our expectations sometimes in life. If you can agree with that assumption, then you will automatically release yourself from loads of self-condemnation.
Many clients walk through my doors with the idea that somehow all of their self-deprecating thoughts can be vanquished with one hypnosis or life coaching session. First of all, no thoughts can be annihilated from your mind. Thoughts can be changed. The amount of negative output can vary greatly. But attachment-causing, negative behavior supersedes the functioning brain. Most times, we aren’t even aware of our impulsive behavior until after it has caught us off guard.
This is the reason I speak so much about learning to become the observer of the mind and body. From the perspective of the observer, you can notice small behavior changes, such as your eye twitches when you are becoming anxious. Perhaps, this twitch can be a trigger for you to do to a self-hypnosis or NLP or EMDR treatment on yourself that you have learned in a session. Maybe, as a result of catching the behavior before it manifested into full-blown anxiety, you have saved yourself from losing a day of depression or self-deprecating thinking.
I have a problem with rejection. If you had a mother who left you at a young age with an alcoholic father, you probably would have a strong problem with anxious attachment, as I do. I don’t blame my mother for her behavior. In fact, I spend as much time as I can letting her help me heal from the separation anxiety. Fortunately, I have a mother who is willing to restore the patterns that were lost during childhood.
So, knowing my problem with rejection exists, I developed a self-hypnosis trigger with an affirmation that says, “Direction, not rejection!”
When I feel a strong sensation in my stomach that someone is going to leave my life because of an action or voicing a strong opinion, I hit the trigger hard with my affirmation and self-hypnosis techniques. I have found that the more I commit to changing the systemic problem of rejection in my mind, the easier it becomes every time I decide to release from the old behavior.
I may never be completely emptied of this trigger response, but I do have every tool to help my life feel more normal and enter into a secure relationship safely. Your life can also be eased into change if you have a partner or spouse who is willing to be a mirror for you and your issues. If that partner will let you speak honestly about what comes up when these triggers are touched, then you will safely retreat from them.
I feel extremely fortunate to have one of the most compassionate, secure partners I have ever met. There is never a time when I have had an issue when he hasn’t been completely understanding and loving. If a time does come up in the future when he can’t be compassionate, I will know that we have found an issue to work on for him. I, too, will then be willing to be compassionate and loving in the wake of his discovery.
Relationships are a day-to-day understanding of one pertinent thought—some day in the future, one of you will leave the relationship either in death or in need of another relationship. With that being said, acting as a realist and not a pessimist, the best way to keep a relationship healthy is to live it everyday to the fullest extent.
If you have found stagnancy in your relationship, first, understand the above premise. Make sure you are committed to making the paradigm shift needed to bring back intimacy into your relationship. Then approach your partner with honesty and authenticity. If you are afraid that he or she will not be on board, you aren’t in a secure relationship anyway. You might as well know the facts, so that you can move on. Otherwise, your secure partner should be ready and able to help you both get back on track.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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