Month: November 2012

Do You Feel Deserving of Your Life?

(Before I forget, the answers to yesterday’s Blog were Avoidant, Anxious, and Secure.)

I spoke with a dear friend this morning about a person I knew who opted to leave a situation that was very comfortable, upper middle class, loving and peaceful, for a simple apartment by herself away from her partner. I couldn’t understand it, especially since she loved her partner, and her partner loved her back.

My wise friend simply said: “She must not have felt like she deserved the life that her partner offered her.”

It occurred to me then that this was, indeed, the answer. If you grew up like I did, living from paycheck to paycheck, barely making ends meet, you probably would feel it was unfair to take advantage of someone else’s good fortune in a loving relationship if you hadn’t earned it yourself.

Now, I know there are some people who have a sense of self centeredness that would completely defy those odds and completely take advantage of the situation and probably even abuse it. But I’m talking about a normal person who has had to really make a way for him/herself in this world. I believe it would be difficult to accept the richness of a world that was given without a feeling of justification.

But let’s look at the world of spirit. What does God expect of us? Is life always about reciprocity? If you won the lottery tomorrow—the Powerball—and came into 500 million dollars, would you feel like you deserved it? Or would you reject it? If you struck oil in your yard, would you think you didn’t deserve it?

You hadn’t done anything to deserve it except buy a ticket and take a chance or dig a hole. Yet, I bet 99.9999% of all people would have no problem thinking either was a divine gift from heaven. Which one of us is deserving of a divine gift from heaven? And what kind of reciprocal deed would we have to have done to receive such abundance? I’m not sure there is an answer to that.

I bet you if you ask most Powerball winners, they are just normal people and some probably don’t even believe in God. Maybe some become philanthropists and enjoy helping people as they enjoy a life of leisure. Perhaps, that is the only way they could enjoy the money. If someone such as I would receive a blessing like the Lottery Jackpot, I definitely would feel compelled to give a lot of the money away. I think the reason would be because I would feel that my wealth couldn’t be justified without those around me sharing in my good fortune with me.

When I have dreamed about the “what if” I would win the lottery, the first thing I think about is who I would help. Somewhere in my subconscious I believe it is only right to give when you receive from heaven. Is that me trying to justify a gift from God? Could be.

So, getting back to the person who wants to move out of a secure situation to make her way into an insecure independent situation, what of her nature? Could she just be an insecurely avoidant, attached individual who needs to work on her ability to feel securely attached? I think so.

If she moves on into an independent situation, she follows the path of her past and never gives herself the chance to feel a sense of secure attachment.


dear friends of “Blog to Grow for Spirit,” I am so happy to announce that for this Holiday season I am offering two special editions of Inspirational Books: IN SEARCH OF A MORE AUTHENTIC YOU, Book 1 and Book 2. Each book has 100 readings from my spiritual and inspirational writings.


If you have someone you’ve been wanting to share my blog with, I’d recommend getting a copy for this special person this season. I am only offering this book in Kindle or PDF platform this season. But if you want to get it, print it out, and give it to someone you love, you are certainly welcome to do that.



cost for each book is only $3.99.  You can’t beat that for a Christmas bargain. All you have to do is send me an email and I will send you the book via email as an attachment. You can pay for the book by Paypal (, Credit Card [by providing info in the email or by phone (615) 400-2334], or by sending a check to:

Bo Sebastian

5001 Maywood Drive

Nashville, TN 37211


Also, for this season, please consider shopping at for mp3s, books, paintings, and gift certificates for any services I offer: hypnotherapy, private yoga, vocal lessons, and private vegetarian cooking classes.


I’ll be happy to send you a beautiful gift certificate or you can create one of your own. Again payment can be by Paypal (, Credit Card [by providing info in the email or by phone (615) 400-2334], or by sending a check to the above address.


Many thanks to you for supporting me and my work: To Grow For Spirit.

Bo Sebastian, CHT

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and LifeCoach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334.

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How Attuned Are you to a Perspective Dating Experience

I’m going to write three different scenarios below. I’d like for you to read them and judging by the past two blogs, tell me if Carl, Mitch and Billy are Avoidant, Anxious, or Securely Attached Styles:

Scenario One:

Carl met Jean on line. They got to know each other through a slew of emails. Before they ever got together for coffee, Jean had discovered volumes about Carl’s past and his beliefs about life. But had he she asked the questions that would clue her into whether or not he would make for a good mate?

When Jean first saw Carl she wasn’t all that impressed with his looks. He looked about twenty pounds heavier than his pictures. He was a bit disheveled and barely smiled when they met. Soon after they sat down for coffee and ordered, Carl told Jean that she looked as pretty as her pictures.

He began the conversation with the weather then cleverly moved it back to what he was doing in life. He had been pursuing a big account at work and was very proud that he just landed the biggest account of his career. Jean interjected that her career was going well, but Carl didn’t counter with any questions about what exactly in her career was good. He continued on about the money he would be getting from landing this deal and the big trip he planned to take with it.

Carl liked to go away by himself every six months for a week or two. It had become a ritual with him. Jean had learned that in Carl’s last six-year relationship, Carl started out living with his wife, then they moved apart and got along a lot better. So, they continued to be involved for another three years.

Scenario Two:

Bob and Billy had met through mutual friends a few times, but really didn’t know each other too well except for a cordial hello. Soon after one of Bob’s break-ups, he decided to try asking some friends to fix him up. Eventually someone singled Bob and Billy out for a double date. The couples’ dinner went great. Bob and Billy enjoyed getting to know each other through a string of stories told by their mutual friends.

Bob called Billy right away and wanted to have a single’s date. So, they hooked up that weekend for dinner and a movie. After the movie, Billy wanted to come in, but Bob was hesitant, because he didn’t want things to move too quickly. But Billy pushed his way past Bob’s boundaries by asking to use the bathroom. Once in the house, he leaped on Bob and started to kiss him. The kissing became passionate.

Bob hadn’t had a date in a while or had any intimacy for over a year, since his last relationship took about that long to wilt away and die. So, though Bob didn’t want to go quickly, he let things spiral out of control. They ended up having sex.

Billy stayed over night, but had to get up early to go home, shower and change, and get to work by seven. But the telephone started ringing at eight. From eight to seven that evening, Bob had gotten six nice phone calls from Billy telling him how much he enjoyed their time together and couldn’t wait for their next date.

Scenario Number Three:

Mitch and Susan had been friends since they were children. Mitch moved away to become a physician in Los Angeles and Susan stayed in Nashville to be a homemaker and mother with the first man who asked her to marry. By the time Susan was twenty-nine, she had realized that her husband was a narcissist. Her two children and she were at risk of harm if she didn’t leave him. She did so and had been single for about four years before Mitch returned to Nashville to pursue a private family practice. Mitch, too, had been married, but had no children.

They saw each other at a mutual friend’s Christmas party and immediate hit it off as if it were the old times. They had been chums and best friends, but had never dated. But there was something different now. They both were sensing a great attraction.

They pursued going out to coffee. Met to jog at their old haunt.  They got together with some old friends. Susan introduced Mitch to her children, and they all had a movie night together.

It took about two months before they had their first kiss. But it was worth the wait. It was magical. It seemed that after that kiss, they knew that everything in their lives had been moving toward the moment that their paths crossed.

I’ll let you know in tomorrow’s blog which is which. Or you can email me with your answers.

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What Kind of Attachment Style Does Your Date/Partner Have?

What Kind of Attachment Style Does Your Date/Partner Have?

It may be very easy to answer questions about yourself, but much harder to see inside another person’s brain. However, what your perspective someone says, how he/she reacts to situations, and what he/she doesn’t say is all very telling if you are listening. Remember, you are looking for lasting relationships. Don’t waste your time with people who are overly avoidant or overly anxious. Here are some things to be aware of:

For an Avoidant Person:

  • They send mixed signals
  • Values his/her independence greatly
  • Devalues you (or previous partners)
  • Uses distancing strategies—emotional or physical
  • Emphasizes boundaries in relationship
  • Has an unrealistic view of how relationship should be
  • Mistrustful—fears being taken advantage of
  • Has rigid views and uncompromising rules
  • During a disagreement explodes and may walk away
  • Doesn’t make his/her intention clear
  • Has difficulty talking about what’s really going on between you

For a Secure Person:

  • This person is reliable and consistent
  • Makes decision with you
  • Has a flexible view of relationships
  • Communicates well
  • Can reach compromises
  • Not afraid of commitment
  • Doesn’t view relationship as hard work
  • Closeness creates further closeness
  • Introduces friends and family early on
  • Naturally expresses feelings for you
  • Doesn’t play games

For an Anxiously Attached Person:

  • Wants a lot of closeness quickly…

(To Read the rest of this Blog, please click on the link below. Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and LifeCoach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334. )


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