Month: March 2013

Preparing for the Cross—Part One

I sometimes search outward for things that qualify me as a person. But, I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness.

As human beings we are ever evolving from the time we are conceived, until the time our spirit leaves the body in death. Sometimes there is growth, and sometimes decline. But one thing is absolutely certain, change is always happening.

Because we are spirit living in human flesh, that which is unchangeable by my definition—Spirit—is forced to enter on a pathway of time where change is not only necessary but inevitable. This is where the strange dichotomy of life begins and why we as spiritual beings are so resistant to change: Because by divine nature we were not meant to change. But on our human path, we are forced to.

The creation of something new from the change or metamorphosis of something already existing is as old as time. When leaves from deciduous trees fall to the ground, they make mulch and fertilize the ground for the next year. Coal is pressurized over thousands of years to make diamonds. The irritant, a grain of sand in an oyster changes to a beautiful pearl. Existing water from floods and swamps evaporate to form clouds, which eventually produce rain, which make crops grow, then feed the world. So, also from the sometimes-battered wreckage of our past, something new and wonderful is being created right now in the world, in you… in me.

Step One: Recognize That Change is Inevitable

Have you ever heard that saying, “I’m like a picture, developing from the negative”? The truth of this statement in your life is the genesis of our journey together toward effective and necessary change.

I wish for you to experience joy daily. But I don’t think joy can be experienced while a person is resistant to change, because change is always present and always knocking on our door, every moment, every second of every day. Not one moment in time exists without the next moment in time forcing it to become history. Change, therefore is inevitable, it is an integral part of life.

Sometimes when I receive a phone call from one of my crazy friends, and I know by the Caller ID who it is, I’ll answer the phone: “This is the Betty Ford Center for Inevitable Change! May I help you become less of what you want to be and more of what I want you to be?”

If you’re one of my close friends, you’d probably expect that I would lead with something pithy or smart ass. The truth, though, I truly feel like my life… our lives… are here on this earth for an evolution of sorts, which definitely involves change.
You can be one of those people who:

  • gets coerced into change by harsh life experiences,
  • one of those people who has drama all around pushing you to change,
  • one of those people who has a huge, catastrophic life experience that forces you to change, or
  • you can be open to change daily, and ultimately be happy about your path to the cross, which I think metaphorically is the death of something that no longer serves you, making room for the grand newness to follow.

Personally, I prefer the latter. I don’t like to fight. Never have. I’m certainly not about fighting an unproductive battle against reality. Which one of us can plan what truly happens today and know with certainty our plans will happen exactly as we intended?

I can think of many things that look negative on the surface, but hiding beneath the surface is something new and wonderful. I remember one specific instance, an impending operation. I knew that I needed an operation on my foot. It was a simple procedure, but there was pain involved to get to the place where I would be feeling better. I didn’t want the pain. In fact, after having had the surgery, had I known how much pain I would have been in, I may have opted not to have the optional surgery. However, now that I am healed of the pain, I am now thankful that I went through the misery of the operation to take care of my discomfort in my foot. I’m sure you can think of hundreds of things you have done in your life that on the surface, you may not have done again, but as a result, you benefitted.

I look forward to you sharing this series on change and the way of the cross. Part two will follow tomorrow.

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Teach Someone How to Think

I had an experience recently with someone dear to me. I periodically take this woman to doctors and check ups, so there is a sense of responsibility for her. One day last week, she had to go to the diabetes doctor at Vanderbilt. When I got to her house to pick her up, I asked her if she had her glucose meter.

She told me that she had put it in her purse. When we got to the doctor’s office and the nurse asked for the meter, my friend reached for her the phone in her purse and said, “Oh, my goodness, I thought this was my meter. It looks just like my phone.” It was the worse case of acting I had ever seen.

When we got to the examination room, I asked my friend point bland, if she has lied to me. She admitted it. I was furious and walked out of the room and told her I would wait for her in the main admissions office waiting room.

While there, I called my therapist and told him how angry I was. He said this to me: “Figure out what’s under your anger, sit with it, and face it. Then you will get some healing out of this.”

I had twenty minutes to mull over my anger in the waiting room. What I realized was that I was hurt—not angry, extremely disappointed, that someone whom I had taken time to honor and care for, would lie right to my face. I had a choice, then. Would I express the truth and my authentic feelings or continue to seethe in my anger.

When she came out of the doctor’s office, I asked her to sit down by me. I simply said, “When you lied to me, it felt like someone put a knife through my heart. I have had so many people lie to me in my past. Each one has hurt worst than the next. You were the last person in the world I had expected would do that. I’m so hurt.” There were tears in my eyes, because I was living in my genuine feelings.

She didn’t try to explain as before in the doctor’s office that the reason she lied was because she was embarrassed about how bad her sugar readings were and didn’t want the doctor to know. She simply grabbed me by the neck and held me close. She started to cry and said, “I’m so sorry. I will never lie to you again.” Then she hugged me closer to her heart and whispered over and over, “I love you so much,” until I actually felt healed.

The moment was magical. By being authentic and dealing with my real feelings, I turned what could have been a week long face-off of angry emotions into a love fest where both of us learned an extremely hard lesson that healed both of our hearts.

We always have a choice with our emotions. Sometimes emotions come on fast and furious. But when you learn to be an observer of your mind and body, you can see that emotions are much like adrenaline when you’re running away from danger. If tiy take the time to let your heart stop racing and you sit with them and calm yourself and do as my wonderful friend and counselor said, “Sit with your emotions and discover the truth beneath them.” Then, and only then, will you learn to teach yourself and others the true road to finding your authentic self!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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Power of Unwavering Trust

What does it take to have faith in someone so much, that you would trust him/her with your life? Trust is uniquely shown, not spoken. Trust comes from years of faith, not months. Trust is weighed on each decision that you both make together and comes out with a balanced answer.

I can think of only two people in the entire world that I would trust with my life. Their friendships have been vastly proven over the years. I have so much unwavering trust with each of them that I have given each of them the right to make the call if I were to be on life support.

First, I am thinking of my best friend Keith. Over the years he has shown me that no matter what happens to me, no matter what I’ve done, good or bad, he is not going to judge. He has proven over and over that he wants the best for me and my family. Because of this, I feel as if he is my flesh and blood brother. He is invited to every family function, because I am not the only one in my family who feels this way about him. My mother considers him her son. My sisters think of him as a brother and can call him if they need a ride from the airport. They have leaned on him in times of despair.

My point being, trust is two-fold. You must have unwavering trust, but you must also seek to find someone whom others trust as well to get the complete package. If you can trust someone and other people don’t trust him/her, that says something about your personal relationship with that person. It means that the inherent trust built between you isn’t based on the character of the person, but on how that person feels about you.

In my estimation, that kind of relationship has the capacity to shatter. My life has proven that face a few times. Someone I felt like I could trust with my life did not make a good impression on my other friends. In fact, my friends would sometimes tell me that she was rude to them.

I have a rule in life—and you can find this in most of my books—with amount of compassion and care your friend treats a waiter or a garbage man or a person on the street, that same ratio of compassion is going to be in your relationship at some point. So, with trust, always look to the person’s character first. Relationships and likes and dislikes are contingent upon the inevitable disagreement. Sometimes those disagreements turn out to be life changing and friendship rejecting. Trust is built on character.

The other person in my life that I feel I can totally trust is my baby sister Lori. If you can believe this, we are fifty years into our relationship and have never had a fight or a disagreement. She has proven many times that her compassion for other people is considerable. With family, we get to see the underlying person and all the faults as well as the good. There is no hiding anything within blood relatives. So, if she can endure the test of truth and compassion under the family’s critical eye, she can probably retain my complete trust as well.

We went through my dad’s death together and the dispersal of his belongings. She was the Executrix of the Will, and she asked me to help her with some of the harder parts of my dad’s wishes. One of the most difficult challenges was the fact that my dad didn’t want some of his belonging to be given to one brother and one sister. Despite his wishes, Lori still gave each of them an equal amount of money from her own joint account that she shared with my dad. I don’t believe either of my siblings know that, even now. I thought her decision alone to share what was hers was enough to see that she had deep compassion beyond our familial connection. But through the years she has nurtured our friendship and been there at every turn for me. That is worthy of that my unwavering trust.

As you can see by my own account of life, I have had many friends come and go. I have had many family members treat me well sometimes and other times not. But the one thing for certain about trust is that it must be unwavering for it to be true. So, those times in marriages when people break the bond of trust with moments of passion, they sacrifice a great deal to their own hearts and decimate the bond of love that will truly never be the same.

I hope I keep that truth safely in my heart as I venture out into new and loving personal relationships.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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