We’ve all had times in our lives when an old friend calls or visits. You can tell when the friendship was strong, because you feel as if no time had passed. All there is to catch up with is the news from the time you last met.
I’m feeling very fortunate today because my college roommate is coming to Nashville for a visit today. I haven’t seen him in over twenty-five years. During those years he has been married, had four children, divorced, and moved a couple times. Two of his children are in their twenties. When I see pictures of the children on Facebook, they remind me of my old friend and the days we were inseparable. People always thought we were dating because we hung out so much. But the truth was, I felt as if he knew me better than anyone in the world.
When you find a friend that close, it’s as if you are mirrors for each other in good and, sometimes, negative ways. Fortunately, for us, we never fought, which made the next phase of our friendship in the early nineties terribly painful.
After he got married, his wife took to intercepting my phone calls and letters. She even answered the phone a couple times and told me that my friend didn’t want to speak with me. After his divorce, I found him on Facebook. We began to chat almost every night. Finally, I got the courage to ask him what happened during the extended time of no communication.
To my complete surprise, he told me that he had no idea I had called or written all those years. The news about a friend’s dying message to him never reached him. The wife was so jealous of her husband’s attention and afraid of his past, that she took to controlling him and his life.
I went almost eighteen years believing that one of my dearest friends in the world didn’t want to speak to me anymore. I waited in the vast silence with despair and dismay as life took me to places that I wished I could share with him, but couldn’t.
I was angered by his ex-wife’s ploy, as was he. But, fortunately, the pain of the past is over and we have an opportunity to rebuild what really was never broken. So, I wait for dinner tonight with hope and expectation to see my old friend. We had funny things we would say to each other that only we understood. I look forward to greeting him with one of those secret messages. I know I’ll see a bright smile and lots of love on the other end.
I also had a couple friends, a married couple, who moved from New York City to Los Angeles In that time they had a couple children. These two people were two of the closest friends I had in New York. When they lived in New York, we talked at least twice a day, went to church together, travelled together, supported each other in every aspect of our lives. As you can imagine, when they moved, the amount of contact dwindled, as it often does. However, I was shocked to find out it had been three years since we had spoken, I no longer had their telephone numbers or address, and more importantly, their life now included two small children. Why hadn’t they reached out and told me?
All of that information together made me sad, because I had lost touch. I wondered if the reason they had let our friendship wane was because they were of the ilk of Christianity who believed that homosexuality was a sin. They had confronted me about it a couple times, but I had hoped that because they had family members and many friends who were gay, that this wasn’t the case. However, I let the thought about it fester for a long time, making me resist contacting.
Finally, however, I just began contacting mutual friends until I found their number and address. After which, I visited and felt as if all was well and no space or time had come between us. Their love for me never waned. In fact, as we all grew older, there was a new sense of respect for each other that was refreshing and joyous.
I’m thankful for old friends. I wish I had the moxie to stay in touch more with all of the ones who were very special. Facebook does give me the opportunity to stay connected. I am very grateful for these types of social media for making the world smaller and increasing the ability to reconnect with old friends.
The biggest point here, though, is to never stop believing in an old, loving relationship. You may not be able to contact, write, call, or even visit. Real love, however, doesn’t slip away. Season come and go with relationship. Sometimes we are close and sometimes distant. But true love never wanes.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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