Month: January 2017

Sex and Relationships: Monogamy or Polyamory?

Most people are attracted physically to someone first, then get to know the individual later. Depending on the circumstance and the will to establish an ongoing relationship, the sexual need to be close will lead to a mental and emotional bond that somewhat sustains the relationship. This may or may not last long enough for a commitment to occur. This is the general way most people, especially males, enter into relationship and why the rate of divorce is so high.

However, as shown in the Rozenberg Quarterly, (Knud S. Larson, et al.) speaks of “Attachment and Relationship” with a much deeper idea:

Most people will experience the delirious feelings of infatuation and love sometime in their lives. What is love? How can we achieve love? And how can we build these feelings into lasting relationships?

Are there ways we can improve our chances for satisfying long-lasting and happy relationships? This essay will show that there are behaviors to avoid, but that we can also contribute much to lasting attachments. Long-lasting romance depends on positive illusions and bringing novelty and renewal to our intimate relationships.

Continue reading below.

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Also, check out one of my latest books:

(This week featuring: “Your New Story, Your New Life” The Metaphysical Mind.)

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_____________________________________

Continued from above:

In my studies of Attachment Theory, I understand that though most of us think we are attracted to someone by looks, we are most often attracted to a person on a much deeper level (their attachment type—secure, anxious, or avoidant).

Yes, that’s correct. The most recent studies show that the reason why most relationships do not work is because insecure people are dating other insecure people with a need to pacify each other’s problems. The general story of marriage and relationship is more about codependency or a symbiotic need to satisfy one another’s deficiencies.

Larson goes on to identify two different forms of loneliness that draws us to those physical encounters that may or may not turn into relationships:

We all need at least one significant other with whom we can share intimate thoughts and feelings, whether in the form of a friend or spouse. An emotionally lonely person may be well connected, but still feel the gnawing disquiet even in the midst of a crowd.

…our childhood experiences predispose us toward a variety of relationship problems or enjoyments of life. Children of the divorced are at risk for loneliness, and may develop shyness and lower self-esteem (Brehm, Miller, Perlman, & Campbell, 2002). On the other hand, being in a satisfying relationship is a primary guard against feelings of loneliness, this is especially true for those who commit themselves to lifelong relationships (e.g. marriage) (Pinquart, 2003).

  1. The basis of Attachment starts out as a primal need to get back what you think you don’t have—Anxious Attachment.
  2. In the Avoidant Pattern there is not enough trust to sustain a relationship even though this is desperately needed in the subconscious mind.
  3. In that ever so rare Securely Attached, we find that this person can enjoy time by him/herself, but understands the necessity to form at least one close bond or intimate relationship to satisfy the deeper needs of the heart and the physical needs of the body.

As I progress toward the date of my own marriage, I have clearly noted and discussed in depth with my fiancé the need for us to find the clearest path of love NOT dependent on sex. We are also keenly aware of the need of intimacy. Our need is based completely on a secure model of trust. Our marriage simply is a symbol of our commitment to sexualize just one intimate relationship during the remainder of our lives together.

This is our ultimate goal. We understand and are clear about human nature. We don’t take it personally, but, in fact, discuss openly and honestly our lusts and fantasies. Our relationship, so far, has been more like the model of two close friends who have realized a strong desire to be physically intimate. We are transparent with each other, which has led to the deepest sense of trust I’ve ever known in my 56 years of life.

Though both of our models of Attachment lean toward Anxious, we have committed spiritually and mentally to help each grow in this arena through the security of monogamy.

This model of relationship in the study above has the longest lasting commitment of the 30% of relationships that last longer than 15 years, according to Larsen.

I have clients that are polyamorous (loving more than one person). Some seem to truly love their partners and enjoy the freedom of having sex outside of relationship. I don’t ever see the sense of security and honesty, though, that I see in monogamy.

I find that these open relationships tend to lead to more desire to fulfill the needs of the flesh rather than to respect the boundaries of a secure, loving relationship. This is my opinion. However, it is an opinion based on 30 years of stories, friends, and clients who have spoken open and honestly about both kinds of relationships.

___________________

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

____________________

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available. http://www.bosebastian.com/client-praise/

 
* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

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The Secret Box

Once there was a man who found a box buried next to the grave of his beloved grandmother. He was planting some flowers by her graveside when his shovel struck what he thought was a rock. When he knelt down beside the dead flowers he was digging up, he noticed a black box.

Most of us, if we’re lucky, grow up in loving families. But people are often full of contradictions and it is a rare family that doesn’t hold some sort of skeleton. Some of our buried secrets lose their power over the years, but others leave a damaging legacy.

In families with more shameful secrets, communication becomes difficult. Children’s natural curiosity may be met with hostility, questions are discouraged and lies are perpetuated. It isn’t easy to keep secrets hidden. We communicate in so many ways. Information is revealed by what we choose to talk about or not talk about. How we react, our body language, the expression on our faces all tell a story. Secrets in families have great potency because, like buried radioactive material, they can leak and spread poison. (Psychologies, 2016)

Continue reading below.

________________________________

Sign up for our mailing list BELOW. (You need to only do this once!) You’ll be privy to the latest and greatest ways to help yourself eat, exercise, meditate, and express your authentic life in ways you never thought possible. I promise not to flood you with ads or sell your name to advertisers. This is a personal e-mail server, which I use only to make big announcements. Thanks for signing up in advance.

GET A FREE E-BOOK ON MEDITATION FOR SIGNING UP!

Also, check out one of my latest books:
(This week featuring: “Your New Story, Your New Life” The Metaphysical Mind.)

GO TO AMAZON

_____________________________________

Continued from above:

As a Life Coach and Clinical Hypnotherapist, I have very often heard secrets that have never been told before from clients who have found the burden of silence or lies too hard to bear.

Some clients have found that as they break away from a nasty habit or some kind of present anxiety that—what actually caused the problem in the first place—was a deeply hidden secret. In fact, I can’t begin to tell you how many people have said this same phrase to me:

“I have never told anyone this before. I don’t know why I’m telling you now, but….” and they go on to share their deeply compartmentalized and hidden secret.

What I realize and they realize, too, is that secrets are best brought to the light of day. We can discuss them. We can place the proper blame, if needed. We can eliminate shame. We can penetrate the problem—FINALLY—and get to the practice of healing.

My personal secret was sexual abuse as 9-year-old boy. My clients that had this particular secret were always relieved to know that I had experienced the same. In fact, as I look back, I’m almost glad I went through this now. I am stronger and was able to heal through much of my present problems as a result of bringing my truth of the past to the present. I consider this a great tool in my toolbox to be able to pull out when someone needs compassion.

So often, therapist of any kind can’t find the compassion or the empathy to understand clients because they simply don’t understand what it is like to be abandoned, raped, or mentally manipulated by someone. Usually, though, most therapists go into therapy themselves, because they found themselves stuck in the throws of their own secret legacies. This was my case, as well.

The light, yes—the light can open the virtual can of worms and show you the demise of illusion and help you recreate power where there was once a box with just one slip of paper in it—an I O U.

That black box that was hidden by the graveside was the letter written to her daughter, sharing how she had been raped by her brother. In those days, women couldn’t talk about such things. In fact, the young girl had told her mother (1920s). The mother said to never speak of it again. This silence not only ruined the grandmother’s life, but also made the life of the daughter a living hell. So, there it was. The secret hidden in the box that explained everything.

The metaphor is like your secret. We all have one or two. You don’t have to go the rest of your life holding on to its shame any longer. You can gently take it to the light of day, share it with a loved one, talk it out with a therapist, or simply write about it until you’re ready for something more deliberate.

In the end you’ll be a better person for bringing your life to the light.

Fear is an illusion. It will always be an illusion until the love and compassion within you shines bright enough to squelch the negativity under your heels. This doesn’t happen when you avoid your greatest fears.

This happens when you face and overcome them!

Love yourself today! Love is the gift to the soul that always brings an amazing, healing result.

___________________

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

____________________

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available. http://www.bosebastian.com/client-praise/

 

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

Coming soon, my partner David Menton and I are planning to start a Vlog with Vegetable Based enriched recipes from my plethora of fun and easy ways to make food taste amazing. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

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My Strongest Weakness!

We all have places in our lives that cause us distress and anxiety. Diet, exercise, lust, sex, overworking, laziness, inability to finish something are just a few of the big issues. Why do we let these thorns in the flesh temporarily take away our power and how do we avoid falling into their traps?

In his book “The Obstacle Is the Way,” Ryan Holiday writes:

When is the last time you saw a monster of an obstacle before you—scary, hairy and grinning like a son of a bitch—and cowered into the fetal position, cursing and intimidated?

If you’re a human being here on planet Earth, it probably hasn’t been too long. It could have been last week. Hell, it may have been this morning.

So here’s a thought:

What if those monsters were not, in fact, monsters at all? What if those obstacles were actually your best friends, your wisest teachers, your greatest allies?

What if instead of hating your obstacles, you learned to love them?

Continue reading below.

________________________________

Sign up for our mailing list BELOW. (You need to only do this once!) You’ll be privy to the latest and greatest ways to help yourself eat, exercise, meditate, and express your authentic life in ways you never thought possible. I promise not to flood you with ads or sell your name to advertisers. This is a personal e-mail server, which I use only to make big announcements. Thanks for signing up in advance.

GET A FREE E-BOOK ON MEDITATION FOR SIGNING UP!

Also, check out one of my latest books:

(This week featuring: “Your New Story, Your New Life” The Metaphysical Mind.)

GO TO AMAZON

_____________________________________

Continued from above:

“Human behavior is predictable and therefore controllable!”
(F. Skinner)

Holiday continues:

“I learned most about myself during the absolute  worst moments. Times of loneliness (I realizing my fear of rejection was holding me back). Times of extreme sadness (I admitted how irrationally dependent I was on certain people). In times of heartbreak (I secretly wished a bus would hit me and remove the ache).

This is ugly stuff to admit. Obstacles that force us to feel these things expose our core intent—which can be scary if we don’t like what we see.

The good news is: Once we’ve revealed our darkest demons, we can begin dealing with them.”

Fear is an illusion. It will always be an illusion until the love and compassion within you shines bright enough to squelch the negativity under your heels. This doesn’t happen when you avoid your greatest fears.

This happens when you face and overcome them!

How do we begin on this seemingly daunting stride toward a better and healthier future?

  1. Realize that risk is better than doing nothing. The worst that could happen in trying is that you could fail. Failure is just a sign that you actually tried. Perhaps, we all need to redefine failure in our mind as a positive movement forward. All of the greatest minds in the world tried and experimented many times before a great result happened. Don’t be afraid to TRY!
  2. Start with small risks. Gain a stride with overcoming your fears. You will realize that risking and overcoming in small ways is very much the same as risking largely in life. Do you think that huge investors started out investing millions of dollars? No, they began with pocket change and built their empires with small risks. They risked more and more as they achieved and proved to their minds that their risks were positive actions. Risk is part of success.
  3. Plan your future. See the finished product. In your dreams don’t look at the perceived obstacles. Just see dreams complete and in detail. Take time every day to dream Big!
  4. When you come to an obstacle, don’t just dive in to change the obstacle without being quiet first. Remember, that inside of your mind is Divine Mind. There is only One Mind. This Mind holds all of the answers to every problem. If you take time to be quiet long enough, the answers will unfold. Be patient and never proceed without getting the go-ahead from your heart.

Love yourself today! Love is the gift to the soul that always brings an amazing, healing result.

___________________

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

____________________

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available. http://www.bosebastian.com/client-praise/

 

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

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