Month: March 2017

In Memory of Jeff

Some folks lives roll easy. Others lives are like the highest rollercoasters, living as if every moment must be grasped, constantly throwing caution to the wind. Jeff was the latter.

His life taught me freedom and constraint, to stay in the moment, and stop being afraid. One of the most important lessons he taught me, I learned from watching him slowly pass away. His words, his encouragement, his faith all helped me understand life in a bittersweet way.

I met Jeff through a mutual friend while I was studying music at Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh. Jeff was studying music at nearby Pitt University. During our sophomore year of school, all three of us decided to move off campus into a nearby borough of Pittsburgh. It was during these times I began to understand the difference between play and volitional demise.

While in college, I had one best friend and Jeff. Everyone else was just, kind of, outsiders, really. The three of us became so close that after college we moved to NYC together to pursue a career in the theater, which seemed to be the Mecca for most actors, singers, and dancers in college.

Most of the male theater crowd in those days was gay. In fact, being straight was a bit of an anomaly. This was true more with the dancers who sang, rather than with any other sub sect of the theater community. Jeff considered himself a singer who danced. He looked the part. He was tall, blonde, and thin enough for the wind to knock him over.

One day Jeffrey asked me to accompany him at an audition. He needed me to play the piano. While in the audition, I had the privilege of watching Jeffrey do the dance section of the audition. All that I can say is, “Bravo for an outrageous effort to show that you have absolutely no real dance skill, but you are more ballsy than anyone I ever knew.”

While I was getting show offers, Jeff began to move into the business world in NYC, mostly to satisfy his need to have his own apartment in the Lower Bowery and probably to satisfy his need for expensive drugs. He began to play faster and more furiously, it seemed, as his financial situation got better. He ended up working in banking.

Sometimes I would plan to meet him at a bar in the Village for a drink. Often, he simply wouldn’t show. His story the next day went something like this: “As I was walking to the bar, I saw this hot guy riding a bike. I asked him for a ride. He stopped and took me for the ride of my life.”

“Why do you have a black eye, then?” I’d ask curiously.

“Didn’t I tell you he was straight?” he would say wryly. “

This wasn’t the first time Jeffrey had been physically hurt during one of his cautionary trysts. One day he was trying to buy some pot. A lone guy asked to meet in the woods off of the roadside in Pittsburgh. The guy turned out to be a mugger. He robbed Jeffrey, stabbed him, and left him for dead in the woods.

Jeffrey describes the entire evening as if it were the best lesson of his life. After he found the strength to crawl to the roadside, he flagged down a driver who drove him to a hospital. Half dead when he arrived, he assured us that he saw God through it all.

Funny thing is, I believed him. Jeffrey lived his life like I wished I could, but I was glad I didn’t. He taught me to live life more freely than I had, but to realize that every deed has its dues to be paid, whether in money, sickness, or pain.

Jeffrey died during the AIDS epidemic in New York when no one wanted to help—not the government, not the healthcare workers, not even those who supported gay rights.

We were alone.

Jeffrey was alone, except for a few of his friends who weren’t afraid to be in his isolated room as he withered away and passed so quietly, so frail. It was as if he simply floated back to that place of meeting God, when he was attacked in the woods.

Today is a day to remember his courage, his crazy life, his funny and passionate friendship, and his way of making everyone a friend, even those who never deserved his trust. It’s also a day to remember that actions have consequence, but love covers it all.

Here’s to you, Jeffrey! Thank you for teaching me more about myself than any other friend in those days. Thank you for letting me hold you in the final hours and for sharing your deepest fears and secrets with me. I will always admire your courage!

___________________

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

 

 

 

 

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Love’s Illusion: I Really Don’t Know Love

Looking for love. Searching with hope. Retreating with defeat. Failing once again. Finding a glimpse. Retreating again.

What I realize is that my search, my hope, my dream of love is just an illusion—a fairytale.

True love is impenetrable, longstanding, hopeful, and secure—and most of all, never needs a large fishing net.

Through so many years of imagining that love would be like the movies and sweep me away from myself and my fears, I finally understand the words to Joni Mitchell’s song, “Both Sides”:

Tears and fears and feeling proud,

To say “I love you” right outloud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,

I’ve looked at life that way.

 

Oh but now old friends they’re acting strange,

They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed

Well something’s lost, but something’s gained

In living every day.

 

I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

… It’s love’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know love at all

It’s love’s illusion that keeps us from knowing when real love and true friendship greets us. It’s the world of fairytales and happy endings that make most of us believe that love comes with lightning and often dies with each tear shed.

I won’t see life like this anymore.

Continue reading below.

________________________________

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Continued from Above:

In all of the relationships in my past—friends, family, and lovers—I’ve always backed away from confrontation. Ultimately, I believed that love would leave if I didn’t agree with the person having an opposing opinion. What I realize now is that this is the True Litmus Test of love. When love does NOT LEAVE after a confrontation, you know that you have found the security of love and having the respect of the person who trusts your love, as well. Each mate’s autonomy remains WITH love.

Millions of adults have lived through parent’s divorces and mostly the first one or two tries at their own intimate relationships don’t last. In fact, U.S. Divorce Rates says that 2.4 million people bet married every year, and 1.2 million get divorced. Of course, the same people getting married are not the ones getting divorced, in most cases, but the numbers are staggering.

  1. Could this be because most of us are looking for something that does not exist?
  2. Could it be that most of us don’t have a real life model for securely attached love?
  3. Could it be that as a result of so many broken homes, we have become a nation of avoidantly and anxiously attached individuals that either run toward love or close the door immediately when love knocks?

All of the above is true. So, how is it that we discover what love is in the face of disastrous beginnings and illusions that surrounds us? Even on popular Social Media sites, all that we generally see are the great and perfect times of friend’s lives. We witness the good more often then we see the struggle in relationships, especially the struggle in the ones that have lasted the longest. As a result, we all have an eschewed vision of love.

Love is quiet.

Love is meek.

Love is transparent.

Love believes that a disagreement leads to deeper understanding.

Love is all around you in the sky and in the cuddle of our beautiful animals.

It’s in the blessed flowers blooming and even in the ones that have had their day in the sun and now are wilting and facing demise.

When you look at love from both sides, as the song suggests, as in the Mindfulness practice of the Buddhist, you recognize that love is perfectly present in every moment of everyday, even in the death of love.

___________________

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available.

A Single Session with Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

GET A FREE E-BOOK ON MEDITATION FOR SIGNING UP!

GO TO AMAZON to find any of Bo’s 16 books.

 

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