December 27, 2012
On a Queer Day, You Can See Forever!
I have to tell you, I hate the word queer. I love gay people, but hate the word.
The dictionary’s definition is: chiefly odd, strange, and a derogatory name for homosexual. What gay person wants to be called queer? I think this all started with that television show, “Queer as Folk,” which was about as realistic about gay lifestyle as me living in my backyard in a tent and calling it roughing it.
Obviously, if you’ve lived as long as I have, you know that the title of this blog is a play on the words of the song, “On a Clear Day.” Today things are getting a bit clearer for me.
I had shared that I have been in a bit of a fog since my break-up 3 weeks ago. We all know that happens. I don’t want to believe I am not susceptible to anything that my clients wouldn’t be. But the truth is I have one clear advantage. I get to learn from all of my dear ones. And as I learn, I take my knowledge to the high ground where I try to be an objective, compassionate observer of my life.
These past few weeks I have seen a physical, human man needing time to recover emotionally and physically. So, I have done just that. It hasn’t been pleasant sometime. But I have tried my best to tell the people around me what is going on and let them in on the recovery process. It truly does take a village.
For instance, when I was on my way home for Knoxville, and I knew Steve had moved out his furniture, I asked a couple friends to be there when I returned. I knew I would need support and help to get the home back to being solely mine. I don’t regret that decision in the least. In fact, I think it has been one of the strongest decisions I’ve made in a long time.
What I have noticed now as different than from what I used to do when I was unhappy is that now I let people in. Also, I take time to be quiet and let the feelings that I need to process arise from within and simply feel them. You can’t deal with anything you don’t feel and experience.
In times past, I would do everything I could to make the feelings go away. In fact, a lot of people say, the best way to get rid of bad feelings from a break-up is to go out and get laid. I’m very happy to say that I haven’t even thought about that—can’t think about that. My emotions are so tied to sensuality and intimacy, that I don’t even think I could perform without a close bond with my mate.
There was a time that I would think that was an impossibility. But today, I’m actually at that point. I know it has a lot to do with age and a lack of testosterone coursing through my body. Nonetheless, my physicality has given me a tremendous perspective on healing and working through relationship issues.
The other property that I didn’t have before was The Manual… Yes, the manual I speak of is the book: “Attached.” If it were not for the daily reading from it, I think I could not have made heads or tails of what has happened in the last year or the last 4 years of my life in anxious, avoidant, and secure relationships. Right now, because of the book, because of quiet time, and because of God, I finally think I have a clue on what makes for a good relationship.
I am now bound and determined to seek one out—in due time.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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