A Child’s View of Love #childsview

A Child’s View of Love

Several children were asked, “What is love?” Their responses were funny, bright, and poignant. A couple that stood out to me were:

  • “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” — Manuel, age 8
  • “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” –Mae, age 9
  • “One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.” — Andrew, age 6
  • “My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll find somebody who’s kinda tall and handsome.” — Carolyn, age 8
  • “When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, ‘I’ll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'” — Anita, 9
  • “I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” — Regina, age 10

(Taken from Rinkworks.com)

Everyone says that kids say the darndest things, but children are honest, which is NOT what usually happens in most adult relationship. Perhaps, childrens honesty is why some of the most successful relationships are the ones who have been together since high school and know no other quite the same as his/her partner. Yet, recently, I had a young man come in who had a 2-year-old child. He told me that the reason why he didn’t stay with the mother of his child was that it was too comfortable and he knew too much about her. Of course, I took the opportunity to tell him my feelings about his sophomoric attitude. Love is about knowing all the past and being absolved of the past for a new and wonderful future together that looks nothing like what happened before. At least, that is my hope.

The answer to the question, “What is love?” is a hard one because in the English language we use the word love for many different kinds of relationships. How can you love a friend, a parent, a sibling, a child, God, and your intimate partner with the same word? That is basically our biggest problem with saying the word.

In the Greek language, there are separate words for friendship love, spiritual love, and intimate love. I’m sure other languages have the same distinctions. This makes more sense to me. Maybe that is why in English we say we are “in love” instead of just the word love when it comes to intimate relationships.

My advice about love is to “forget about what you don’t want and focus in on what you do want” in relationships. Make a list of secure behavior. Some of these attributes might be as follows: My partner…

• Isn’t afraid to share feelings;
• Is transparent about important information;
• Takes time for me;
• Take cares of his/her body; and
• Is financially responsible.
Notice, nowhere in that list do I say that you want to jump his or her bones immediately. We all know that attraction won’t last for the duration. What we should look for is what will bind two hearts together.

Honestly, after talking to many people about their sexual lives with an intimate partner, the best kind of person to look for is a person who will listen to what you need and want during sex. Most things can be learned. However, I will say that I had a six-month relationship with a man who I tried to help understand my wants. He was so open to wanting to kiss me in a way that was satisfying. But even after six months, I had to give up. I always felt smothered and as if I was being tackled with his tongue and lips. In some ways, if a chemical connection doesn’t happen after a period of time, you can assume that it may not happen at all. I wouldn’t fault anyone for wanting a satisfying sexual partner. We all deserve that. But this kind of want can’t come before the necessary attributes of a secure, lovingly attached relationship.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

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