Addicted to Love: #relationshipadvice #relationship #dating #butterfly #corrinebaileyrae #theprophet #kahlilgibran
June 14, 2014
It haunts us. It draws us with its pheromones. It picks us up and entangles our hearts. It confuses us. And, mostly, it comforts our souls in ways we never expected. Love—intimate love—no matter friendship or sexual partner, we are all wired for it.
Every morning I wake up to the song: “Butterfly,” by Corrine Bailey Rae, as it is set as my alarm tone. The chorus starts with the lyric: “Shower me with your love, shine on me!” I suppose that most people, even those who have hardened their hearts to love, want to have someone close and intimate. Even with my life-coaching clients who say they have had enough of relationship, if the right person came along, 95% of us would consider love.
Ten years ago, after two 8-year relationships and two 2-year relationships, I decided to take my therapist’s advice and extricate myself from the dating pool for a year. I remember the first moments of being alone with myself, with no options to date anymore and no prospective suitors; I tucked myself into my comfy recliner and watched television by myself. Yes, all alone! I remember feeling as if a thousand ants were crawling up my spine. I couldn’t sit still. I sat with my computer on my lap, playing word games, chatted on Facebook with friends, and watched television–all at the same time. I couldn’t find enough stimuli to retract from the need of holding someone special in my arms.
I remember the day the habit of “needing” subsided. After much therapy about why I had been addicted to love for so long and admittedly a natural monogamist, I realized that alone wasn’t such a bad place to be. I began to feel the comfort of my own skin and my own mind. I heard myself say, “Wow, I get to make all my own decisions. I don’t have to consider anyone else, but me, right now. How wonderful!” And, after growing up caring for 5 siblings and a father, cooking meals, cleaning, making lunches, and then moving on to the next stage, which was dating; I threw myself into relationship after relationship, never really being satisfied, never really taking care of the deep wound in my soul that could never be medicated with love.
I needed a spiritual experience and a healing, psychological event to help me feel whole inside, first, before I decided to invite another person into my life. The passageway to feeling whole was narrow. Not many warriors seek to find one’s own strength, before he or she begins relating on an intimate level, which is always good protocol for anyone seeking love. If you don’t know yourself and love yourself, then you will ultimately blend into someone else’s persona and, eventually, disappear completely. Once that happens, you will begin to feel angry and unseen in the relationship, because you are no longer an individual, but a dependent part of the whole.
The author Kahlil Gibran in “The Prophet” says it best:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup… sing and dance together, but let each one of you be alone.”
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I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.
Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also aself-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.
For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.
Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change
* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.
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