Casual Sex and Self-Esteem

(This blog has some explicit thoughts and ideas. If you don’t want to go there with me today, just simply delete it or pass it by. But I felt like this needed to be addressed, especially when we think about the intricacy of the heart.)

Being gay tends to lead people to think that most of your life is about casual sex and impromptu sexual encounters. Though “tricks” happen with both heterosexual and gay people, random sexual encounters are more about the individual person than the proclivity toward any sexual persuasion.

I have known some gay man who go years without a sexual experience. I have known some who like an encounter weekly or even daily. I have known heterosexual men, both married and single, who walk into a room and look for the first woman who would most likely go home with him or, more likely, meet him in a janitor’s closet. Trust me, this is not about gay or straight.

However, I would say it is more a male issue than a female issue. Women tend to be less promiscuous on a whole, simply because they are the one in the more vulnerable place—they must be entered for intercourse to happen. Heterosexual men and Gay tops are more likely to be a little less caring about their vulnerable hearts and more caring about sowing their wild seeds. This makes sense when you look at who is in control.

This leads me to my tender point about spirituality and the translucent places of the heart that carry sexuality into a union, no matter if it’s just a one-night stand or a long-term relationship. Even the Christian (Mark 10:8) and Jewish (Genesis 2:24) bibles say that we become as “one flesh” when we unite sexually and intimately. If this is true, then our hearts merge as well. If our hearts merge, then a myriad of sexual encounters would cause our hearts to splinter. Psychological problems happen as a result.

People who have been sexually abused as children often try to squelch the feelings of abuse by repeating the abusive sexual behavior over and over, trying to make sense of it or exacting the behavior to get it right. But this never happens, unless they are in the arms of a securely attached individual who cares deeply. Unfortunately, the glue that would make an abused person whole often eludes them, because they look for their abusers in their mates.

I have worked with over a thousand sexually abused people in my twenty-five years of life coaching and hypnotherapy. They often come to me to quit smoking or for weight loss, because habits form when a person displaces self-esteem for sexual desire. They don’t love themselves enough to stop any kind of problematic habit leading to cancer, weight gain, or death. This kind of problem saddens me the most with clients. Leading someone to self-esteem and strength is not easy when every tape in their head is set for self-destruction.

If you let your self-esteem be a result of people finding you sexually attractive, there will always be a chance of that person going away or breaking up with you. So, if the attachment is about attraction and self-esteem, you will lose your power when that person inevitably goes away. That’s why the important steps to healthy relationship have nothing to do with sexuality. They have more to do with transparency and a deep commitment to protecting your very vulnerable heart. Lastly, we must find securely attached individuals to find safety for our hearts.


Go to Week 2 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge”


Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.

A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)

The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”

A Year to CLEAR Challenge!

The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.

My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.

As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.

The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.

The One-Year Approach to Change

No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.

Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”

In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.

Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.

Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) in Early 2014. Thanks!

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