Category: Funny Post

I Guess I am Anxiously Attached

I really had tried to convince myself that I was more securely attached than anxiously attached. But in the last few days—maybe because of Valentine’s day—I’ve been pining inside for true love again. UGGGGHH. Does it exist? Really? The dudes who seem interested never seem to call enough or ever. The waiting or wondering if you should call or text is exhausting.

Even though those thoughts run through my mind, I have signed up for two pretty safe dating sites and have answered ads to people from California, for godsakes. What the heck am I going to do with a computer-pal from San Diego, no matter how cute he is?

Do you remember that song that Bette Middler sang: “Spring can Really Hang You Up the Most”? I think I’m there in the middle of spring love sickness. God, my heart is just moaning for someone to wine and dine me, to buy me gifts, to be romantic with, to hold me like there is no tomorrow. And don’t get me started about the sexual urges. This must be seasonal, because I haven’t felt like this for a long time. And neither have the trees in my backyard.. lol

And the truth is, I know that there is no magic person that does all those things for anyone. I greatly remember the feeling of new love. It sweeps you away into oblivion for six months or so, then reality sets in, and you are caught in the place that love generally takes you to: lesson learning from the closest person in your life.

Am I ready for that? Are you ready for that? That’s what we should all be asking ourselves when we start pining away and swooning at the moon. “I’m ready anytime. If you take me, I’m ready to go. So, show the way to me. I am willing to be, ready to go. I seem to see Paris we’re on a lagoon. Atop the Acropolis we’re blue in the moon. I can swoon. We’re so blue in the moon.” From the Fantasticks when Matt and Luisa fall in love. I remember playing the part well. I almost fell in love with the young girl who played Luisa, just because I was so swept up in the love of the musical. And I’m gay. Go figure.

Love is tricky, friends. The feelings of loneliness are trickier. They tell us that we are not good enough, not pretty or handsome enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, and simply not prepared enough to have someone in our lives. But look around you at all the people who have partners. I can’t judge, but when you actually see what relationships are around you, do you really want one that looks like one of your neighbors?

I get the divine privilege of getting to see the worst in loving relationships. And let me tell you, what looks to be pretty on the outside is almost never what it seems. People work hard at relationships, especially when there are children involved. Add to that, two working parents, hand jobs, I mean hard jobs, troublesome children, a limousine service that has to drive the kids everywhere, and then taking care of basic needs like paying bills, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and cooking dinner. When is there time for making love in most families?

Okay, I’ve pretty much talked myself out of dating seriously right now. Talk to me tomorrow and we’ll see how I fare.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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No Sex in the City (Part I)

As I shared with you, I have taken to reaching out to the Internet for dating suggestions. I feel like sharing a couple of experiences would make it worth something. This is the first.

Watch Out for Speaking in Tongues Before a Burger

Profile
5’8”, 38, dark blonde, masculine, in shape
Bio
I’m just a simple country boy here studying for a Master’s Degree and down to earth. My ideal date would be a lot like my Dachshund… generates heat against my back in the winter, stares adoringly when fed, waits loyally by the door for me to get home, rolls over on command, loves a good bone, and gets on all fours and barks when asked, “Who’s your daddy?”

I have to admit, I laughed hard at the bio. I thought it was cute and seriously thought he was joking. Alas… not so much.

Dude asked me out on a date about three times in our first day of discourse. I just kept writing to him and pretended I didn’t notice, using protective, yet avoidant behavior. He was nice looking, and from what I could see from his three pictures, he had some character. However, there was something that scared the shit out of me about his persistent behavior—justifiable so. But who doesn’t like to be pursued?

But on the fourth request a couple days later, I decided I would go out with him. Honestly, I was just more curious than lonely. That happens when you’re fifty and single.

We decided on a Saturday night to go to a movie. However, I decided if a date includes just a movie and not dinner, then the date probably didn’t want to talk to you or get to know you. So, I would be proactive and ask Dude if he wanted to catch a quick bite before the movie. I could, at least, fill in some blanks from our conversations on line.

“Well, it will probably be hard to find a place where we both can eat, because I’m really picky,” he replied.

“You pick. I’m good with whatever.”

Dude met me at our destination, on time, in his Ford truck. We decided that if dinner went well, we could take one car to the movies.

“I hope this is okay, what I wore,” he said in a southern drawl. He wore a baseball cap, tee shirt, and flip-flops. It was January and cold. He was talkative. He rambled on about how he grew up in the Pentecostal church and his belief in God was so strong. I wasn’t surprised when he bowed his head before he ate his buffalo burger and French fries with no condiments. Not even a side of catsup.

Still, I’m thinking, how sweet is this, that this man has a heart for God. I shared about my spiritual beliefs, though I don’t think he was really listening. I gained enough trust in him to ride to the movies in his truck—his very messy truck. He was thinking so much of transporting a person that he left McDonald’s burger remains and ten weeks of old mail strewn all over the passenger seat.

With one sweeping arm movement, the mess on the seat flew to the floorboard below me. I jumped into the truck, and off we went.

The movie was nice. I love a good romantic comedy. He nudged my knee a few times and rubbed his hand on mine. As soon as I made a move to lay my hand on his, he fidgeted away. A little controlling, I thought.

On the way back to my car he said that he had to go to take care of his Dachshund. I was relieved. He exited, but not before laying a very heavy –laden, three-tongued-alarm kiss on me.

I gulped and said goodbye trying to regain control of my throat after almost gagging on his 9-inch tongue, which must have been part reptilian.
.
Two days later he told me, via email, the date was really bad for him and to please never contact him again.

BAD FOR HIM? THAT’S ALL I’M SAYIN’!

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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Diets and Homeostasis—IS THE REFRIGERATOR EDIBLE?

Diets and Homeostasis—IS THE REFRIGERATOR EDIBLE?

homeostasis |ˌhōmēəˈstāsis|
noun ( pl. homeostases |-sēz| )
the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, esp. as maintained by physiological processes.

Eighth day of the diet and I’m beginning to realize that my body wants to go back to what it was before I started dieting. I feel as if I want to eat the entire refrigerator—yes, the metal object, not just what’s inside. Fortunately for me, I emptied most of the remaining junk out of the house. I know, however, that there are two cozy bags of homemade, chocolate chip-oatmeal cookies in the freezer from New Years eve tucked between a pot roast and some pork chops. I purposely froze the cookies so I would have a harder time eating them. Tonight, I swear I almost ate one frozen. If it wasn’t for the bad state of my fragile back teeth, I would have.

I started out the day frantic. I thought I had set my alarm for seven o’clock, but it was really set for eight. So, when I snoozed, I overslept and almost missed a 10 am appointment for my car. Nonetheless, I still emptied a bowl of steel cut oat into my stomach before I left. Eating fast just isn’t a good idea.

When I got home from the automotive repair garage, I did some exercises on my ab machine, worked a little on the computer, then ate a bowl of chicken soup and a handful of sesame sticks. I’m beginning to wonder if the sesame sticks are a little more caloric than they seem. I’ll have to check it out. (Checked it out. The ratio of fat to carbs to protein is 12:14:3—not a good combination. You should be having a 3:4:3 ratio.)

I didn’t start to get the major urge toward homeostasis until midday, when all I could think about were those cookies. Just get rid of then~ you might be thinking. But, I am saving them for when I hit my goal. Right! Get to your dietary goal and then eat cookies. What a great way to reward yourself. Well, now that I think of it, my reasoning is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. In fact, it is a dietician’s nightmare.

I spent a large majority of the day doing work related fluff—I call it. I did bill paying, account checking, post office travelling, and computer work to prepare for my busy week—sedentary. I have to say that I’m happy to be getting back to a full week of work. Christmas was slow moving. I’m not used to spending too much time not working, unless, of course, I’m on vacation, which I wasn’t.

Back to that hunger urge. It actually started off as a bit of a headache. Comfort food always seems to help headaches. I’m not sure why. But I swear, I thought about putting the frozen cookie over my eyes a couple times to see if it would relieve the pain. Ugh… much too tempting. And melted chocolate chips in my eyes wouldn’t be pretty.

In fact, I spent the entire day eating things that resembled sweets, but weren’t. I ate yogurt, I ate not one, but two apples. I ate a couple handfuls of corn chips. I wanted to just pig out, but fortunately I stuck to fairly good food.

When I was sitting alone and listening to my stomach, I could tell I was completely full from dinner, which was three bowls of beef stew and a green salad. That was totally overeating for me. I should have stopped at 1 and ½ bowls.

I did have acupuncture today, which made the day and my body feel better. Trey at East Nashville Acupuncture is my new best friend. He totally rocks! He hits the mark every time. Today I went in at four o’clock and woke up at 5:50. I couldn’t believe I had fallen asleep for that long in a room full of acupuncture-induced meditators. But when the needles are in the right place, one just slips into a beautiful place of rest while your body repairs itself. The wonderful thing is that the cost is only $15, so you can give yourself that gift every week, which I definitely try to do.

Tonight I did about 40 minutes of bouncing on my fitness ball while watching “Elementary.” I hope that was enough exercise to overcome the obvious outcome I’m expecting tomorrow.

I absolutely understand why my clients tell me that they hate looking at their scales every day. The constant monitoring is beginning to drive me a little crazy. Not because I don’t want to see where I am with my diet, but because the losses and gains just don’t seem to make any sense at this point. Well, tomorrow will certainly make sense if I gain.

Morning weigh in: Gained .2 lbs. (Not so bad. I think the aerobics in the evening counteracted the overeating.)

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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