Category: Pyschology

Portals to Happiness!

Many people believe that there are many paths to happiness: money, love, sex, drugs, a bevy of friends, hard work, prayer, meditation, spirituality, etc. I could go on and on. The truth is that there is only one door to happiness.

When we recognize that we are an infinite spirit, housed in a finite body, this is the first step to walking through the door toward peace and happiness. 

There was a client who came to me riddled with cancer. She fought through the storms in her life to maintain health for a little over 1o years. She discovered, though, a week before our visit that the cancer had metastasized. She was told she didn’t have long to live… perhaps 6 months.

As we talked about it, a peculiar smile spread over her face. I didn’t understand, so I asked her why she was smiling.

She replied, “I have had a good life. Yes, there were struggles. But mostly I have had peace in the past 10 years. Everyday since I first found out I had cancer, I had promised myself to live this present day as if it were my last—never looking back with regret. I feel fortunate to have had 10 years to live freely and unrepressed by my past and fear. I have lived a life that most people never live in just these past 10.”

I asked her, “So, what do you think the secret to happiness is?”

She responded, “First, take care of the loose ends in your life. Fire those who don’t benefit you and have been dragging you down! Get rid of all that no longer serves you! Then you must must must STAY focused on the present.

No happiness exists in the future or in the past. Happiness is happening right here and now. Make friends with all that is in your life now, whether you perceive it to be good or bad. Make laws against living in what you can not change. Float on your human life, as if you were sailing in a boat led by the winds of grace!”

This conversation left me speechless. Even though she was a client, I couldn’t speak for a few minutes. She understood that every session was for the healing of the One Mind that we both share.

I hope this helps you live within the fullness of your life today.

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Blinded by the Limelight

Just how bright does the Limelight need to get before one gets blinded by it and can’t see the people he or she faces?

I have noticed that the limelight is feeling way too comfortable for many people lately, especially those who have been abused.

I know how it feels to face cameras and have to tell an unscripted story before millions. This is a scary process, even when you are a professional actor. It’s way easier to recite lines as a character you have studied and dissected than to talk about betrayal, when you are rife with emotion.

When people come onto the news and are completely comfortable as if scripted and tell their stories of being abused and are a little too comfortable, I get a bit suspect, unless they too are professionals. Even then, imagine having to tell the world you were touched in explicit places.

I want the perpetrators punished and admit their wrong doing. Absolutely. No doubt about that. But it seems that those who admit they were wrong are being held to worse standards than those who have the audacity to say, “I have never done such things! I don’t believe I ever said that,” even though it was taped or on video.

Craziness is all around us.

Where did the phrase “in the limelight” come from?

The origins of “in the limelight,” which refers to being the focus of public attention, are linked to a type of stage lighting that was popular in the 19th century. The “lime” in limelight has nothing to do with the green citrus fruit but rather with a chemical compound, calcium oxide, also known as quicklime that was then used to make a spotlight.

When I stepped into the limelight and was able and willing to voice what I felt for a family member to betray my trust and sexually abuse me, I did feel much better.

But, you know something? It didn’t change a damn thing. Time passed. People have forgotten. And everyone wants life to go back to normal. Even this person acts as if nothing ever happened between us. I can hold on to the hurt. Or I can simply forgive, which seems the easier of the two choices. Is it, though?

Ultimately, if forgiveness isn’t the goal of you exposing your perpetrators, then you might as well go back into the darkness, because now you have the entire world waiting for you to either condemn this person until you die (which will take a hell of a lot of energy) or release this person to the light of forgiveness.

Yes, people need to face the convictions of what they did in the past. But as for the ones who are coming forward and apologizing, what is there left to do but forgive? You don’t have to let any perpetrator back into your life. But, you do, however, have to change your way of thinking about the past.

The light is a healing force—not a condemning force. Know this fact before you step into the limelight. The light of God will get more and more intense until you’re willing to let go, either of the circumstance or your own health, because ultimately that what unforgiveness does—affects your health.

I have known people who hadn’t forgiven. These same people shriveled up and died a quick death from heart-related issues. The heart chakra holds a great deal of energy for the health of your body. If the heart chakra is depleted, you keep negative energy in your heart, veins, and arteries. You know that this will only make you a sad and ill person.

It’s time to not only open up about these things, but also forgive.

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Are Their Benefits to Fear-Driven Success?

I have heard of so many success stories about athletes, scholars and musicians who had gone to the top of their game to win gold medals, manifest world-famous creations, and even win the Nobel Prize because of a harsh or mean parent or tutor. One story that is like a neon sign in my mind is the multi-gold medal winner Greg Louganis, who has gone on to tell his childhood trauma in TV movies and books. I remember standing in a line surrounding a city block to buy Greg’s first bestseller.

Mr. Louganis’s claim to fame, however, was less about the gold medals and more about hitting his head on the diving board during an Olympic competition and the world discovering that his HIV-positive blood was in the pool. This news shocked the world. How could this amazing man who has been so perfect for so long disappoint all of us on the world stage at this moment? Yet, he went on to win another gold medal, I believe.

Greg’s story had never really been about his successful diving. His story was about how neglect, the power of a tyrant coach, and being in the closet during his career had made him increasingly unhappy. Though he was a true winner in all of our minds; in many minds he was a perfect diver; we are all led to the organic story of his harsh past; we have compassion for it. This is the legacy that Greg Louganis gives the world. Was all of the training and torment worth the gold medals? Would he trade the gold for a refund on his childhood?

I remember a boy who was equally traumatized at his age, who had striven to be perfect in all ways to stay safe from his father’s wrath; a wrath that was so harsh that it bloodied his older brother multiple times. I remember a child who hid in the clothes closet for most of his childhood, playing with phantom playmates to avoid doing anything unseemly or bad in the eyes of his father. I remember a boy who studied to get out of harm’s way, not to become smarter, a boy who practiced piano to find a world of acceptance. What did I truly gain from my achievements and my childhood?

I look back at my story, at other’s stories that are similar and wonder just how much I would of a refund on my childhood I would ask for, or even request a different life. At some points in my formative years, I would have gladly taken anyone else’s life for mine. Now, however, I’m of the spiritual belief that all things happen for a purpose. No, I’m not condoning anyone’s terrible behavior. I am, however, saying that sometimes our past, if looked at through the eyes of forgiveness and wonder, can lead to a life of saving others who will be more fortunate than I or Greg Luganis or some child gone astray to join ISIS.

It is true that when someone sits in front of me telling me his story to be relieved of the pain of the past with the help of hypnotherapy, I’m taken with compassion, first. Then, I’m led to “what healed me from that same kind of torment.” Had I not gone to the pits of hell to see for myself then had the tenacity to heal  and seek the help of other healers to help with my regeneration, I know with certainty that my efficacy as a healer through life coaching and hypnosis would be lessened by myriads.

What does this tell me about a harsh past? It tells me that humans are very strong, especially children. We learn to protect ourselves from the worst of evils only to tell our stories with power and truth at the end—SOMETIMES. We are warriors and will remain among the living to stand guard around others, night watchers as it were, for those less fortunate than the children with loving parents and teachers—SOMETIMES.

I had two clients, brothers, who both studied voice with me. (Yes, I taught vocal lessons and piano for many years as I was growing my hypnotherapy business.) One boy was obsessed with being perfect at everything, even though he had no intention of being a great singer. The other brother was kind, had a soft demeanor and talked of nothing but video games. He could barely focus during his lessons because all he thought about was how many hours he would have playing Pacman or Pacwoman—whatever new game was out at the time.

Of the two brothers, my heart went out to the younger one who couldn’t focus. Though he was clearly needing attention and also the counsel of a professional, his parents couldn’t and wouldn’t see anything wrong with the younger child’s behavior. He studied with me for two years and could barely sing one song, while his brother went on to get the leads in all of the high school musicals, even though a jock. But, had this child not had me to talk to about his misunderstood ways, I wonder what would have become of him.

I still look back at a world that rewards success with a gold medal gain and continues to see mental illness as lack, instead of a disease. Perhaps, this is why so many mentally ill children strike out and kill as they grow older. Few try to listen to the sick part of them and reach into the depth of their pain to help. The children stand in the black abyss of pain for what seems to be forever, leaving the only way out sometimes as death. I would imagine this is also why ISIS can recruit these types of people. So, what can we do? What must always be our battle cry!

  1. We must be diligent to speak up when see something wrong.
  2. We must always be willing to take an extra moment to talk to someone who is trying desperately to reach us mentally.
  3. We must be prayerful and vigilant to always bring light to these individuals, as you may be the only person who can save the world from another grief-stricken individual who kills to get attention!



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