Category: Pyschology

Why Do Our Closest Friends Hurt Us the Most?

You’ve heard that “no good deed goes unpunished.” What you haven’t heard is that “no great relationship or friendship goes unpunished.”

People often feel that when they meet a long lost soulmate that they will forever be in bliss with them as they share the most dynamic parts of their hearts, sorrows, and joys. However, it’s these same emotions that are often used when two great people in relationship find something disparaging between them to separate their two physical human bodies.

I know that nothing can separate our hearts from the love that we share in the One Mind of Spirit, but our humanness can sure look bleak in the midst of a harsh break up of a friendship that has lasted for a long time.

I write about this today, not because I have recently had this scenario play out  in my life, but because I have experienced this so many various times in my life. It seems that our human life oftentimes only have room for our attention to be on a specific amount of people. When it appears the load gets too heavy, a friend will often desert you or cause a rift to push you away; probably, because they are afraid you do not have the time you once had for him or her. I’m not actually certain of the why’s. I simply know it has happened numerous time.

In times past, I have grieved deeply about this phenomena. I don’t enjoy the break-up process. I feel it’s a waste of time and love to go through years of friendship with someone and suddenly never hear from that person again. I usually end up taking the responsibility and wondering what I did to make this separation happen.

Every time but once, though, I had gotten no response when I share my grief and dismay and no real understanding of why. In the past 20 years I have only had one person actually tell me why he left my life. Thank you, friend, for your courage.

The other so-called friends had not been so courageous, even though I had been at their side for so long. I have been dismissed without a word so many times now that I can’t even remember how many times this has happened. It’s no wonder we grieve these moments and then put up walls to keep us from forging new relationships that will hurt even worse.

Losing these old friendships is like experiencing a divorce. When these relationships crumble as if they had always been made of wet sand, you begin to wonder what constitutes relationship. Is anything forever? Does everything have a beginning and an end?

I had a dream last night of an old friend who had been in my life for so many years. She had always considering me her best friend, so much so that she would say it out loud at parties, embarrassing me around other friends that were equally important to me.

I sometimes felt this true camaraderie, but often felt the judgment of my other friends who literally detested her. I often would have ten people not show up to a gathering just because I invited this particular “best” friend. I would have to say that she is the only person in my life that I had actively sought to dismiss from my life after she uninvited me to a Super Bowl party because my friend that was tagging along with me was too over weight and would take up too much room in her house. Yes, it took a great deal of incidences like this to make me say, “Enough!”

I dreamed of this woman last night. We were friends again. Maybe she was actively trying to convince me in the dream that we “should” be friends again. I was thinking about letting go of my fear that she was still the mean-spirited person that I had remembered. The dream ended up with me going to her house and celebrating New Years with some of her friends.

As I usually go over my dreams with my husband when I get up each morning, I realized that this dream was simply putting to rest my human struggle with this past relationship and realizing, even after all of these years, there is still only one love that truly exists between any of us. That one love is God the Good. Maybe some friendships are more like candles that burn brightly for a while and then fizzle out.

If we settle in on this premise, we won’t grieve the parade of friends that come in and out of our lives for specific reasons or spiritual growth and stick with hold close those whom you have chosen to live with and be around each day.

I always feel fortunate to have a few close friends to me that nurture my life (nearby and far away). I also have those few friends from the past that will be there for a long time, even though we don’t talk as much any more.

But I have stopped grieving over what truly isn’t lost. No love and friendship is really gone, not in death, not in separation. Separation only exists in our thoughts. If we imagine that separation is an impossibility in the One Mind of God, we will never have to experience the loss for friendships past or present, in death or in life.

I hope this helps someone today.

Lots of love,

Bo

 

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Portals to Happiness!

Many people believe that there are many paths to happiness: money, love, sex, drugs, a bevy of friends, hard work, prayer, meditation, spirituality, etc. I could go on and on. The truth is that there is only one door to happiness.

When we recognize that we are an infinite spirit, housed in a finite body, this is the first step to walking through the door toward peace and happiness. 

There was a client who came to me riddled with cancer. She fought through the storms in her life to maintain health for a little over 1o years. She discovered, though, a week before our visit that the cancer had metastasized. She was told she didn’t have long to live… perhaps 6 months.

As we talked about it, a peculiar smile spread over her face. I didn’t understand, so I asked her why she was smiling.

She replied, “I have had a good life. Yes, there were struggles. But mostly I have had peace in the past 10 years. Everyday since I first found out I had cancer, I had promised myself to live this present day as if it were my last—never looking back with regret. I feel fortunate to have had 10 years to live freely and unrepressed by my past and fear. I have lived a life that most people never live in just these past 10.”

I asked her, “So, what do you think the secret to happiness is?”

She responded, “First, take care of the loose ends in your life. Fire those who don’t benefit you and have been dragging you down! Get rid of all that no longer serves you! Then you must must must STAY focused on the present.

No happiness exists in the future or in the past. Happiness is happening right here and now. Make friends with all that is in your life now, whether you perceive it to be good or bad. Make laws against living in what you can not change. Float on your human life, as if you were sailing in a boat led by the winds of grace!”

This conversation left me speechless. Even though she was a client, I couldn’t speak for a few minutes. She understood that every session was for the healing of the One Mind that we both share.

I hope this helps you live within the fullness of your life today.

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Blinded by the Limelight

Just how bright does the Limelight need to get before one gets blinded by it and can’t see the people he or she faces?

I have noticed that the limelight is feeling way too comfortable for many people lately, especially those who have been abused.

I know how it feels to face cameras and have to tell an unscripted story before millions. This is a scary process, even when you are a professional actor. It’s way easier to recite lines as a character you have studied and dissected than to talk about betrayal, when you are rife with emotion.

When people come onto the news and are completely comfortable as if scripted and tell their stories of being abused and are a little too comfortable, I get a bit suspect, unless they too are professionals. Even then, imagine having to tell the world you were touched in explicit places.

I want the perpetrators punished and admit their wrong doing. Absolutely. No doubt about that. But it seems that those who admit they were wrong are being held to worse standards than those who have the audacity to say, “I have never done such things! I don’t believe I ever said that,” even though it was taped or on video.

Craziness is all around us.

Where did the phrase “in the limelight” come from?

The origins of “in the limelight,” which refers to being the focus of public attention, are linked to a type of stage lighting that was popular in the 19th century. The “lime” in limelight has nothing to do with the green citrus fruit but rather with a chemical compound, calcium oxide, also known as quicklime that was then used to make a spotlight.

When I stepped into the limelight and was able and willing to voice what I felt for a family member to betray my trust and sexually abuse me, I did feel much better.

But, you know something? It didn’t change a damn thing. Time passed. People have forgotten. And everyone wants life to go back to normal. Even this person acts as if nothing ever happened between us. I can hold on to the hurt. Or I can simply forgive, which seems the easier of the two choices. Is it, though?

Ultimately, if forgiveness isn’t the goal of you exposing your perpetrators, then you might as well go back into the darkness, because now you have the entire world waiting for you to either condemn this person until you die (which will take a hell of a lot of energy) or release this person to the light of forgiveness.

Yes, people need to face the convictions of what they did in the past. But as for the ones who are coming forward and apologizing, what is there left to do but forgive? You don’t have to let any perpetrator back into your life. But, you do, however, have to change your way of thinking about the past.

The light is a healing force—not a condemning force. Know this fact before you step into the limelight. The light of God will get more and more intense until you’re willing to let go, either of the circumstance or your own health, because ultimately that what unforgiveness does—affects your health.

I have known people who hadn’t forgiven. These same people shriveled up and died a quick death from heart-related issues. The heart chakra holds a great deal of energy for the health of your body. If the heart chakra is depleted, you keep negative energy in your heart, veins, and arteries. You know that this will only make you a sad and ill person.

It’s time to not only open up about these things, but also forgive.

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