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Making the Passionate Choice

When I lived in Nashville, I was primarily a vocal coach for a long time. Eventually I split my time between Hypnotherapy and Coaching and decided to switch completely to therapy, because I enjoyed it more.

As a teacher, though, I noticed that there were high schools all over the city, each housed in different areas or sections of town. Some high schools were primarily white because the areas were primarily white. Some high schools were primarily black for the same reason. However, what I noticed that “separate did not mean equal.” For this reason, busing began to happen so that segregation wouldn’t overtake the city schools. However, even the less the equal black schools didn’t like the idea of having to travel across town to a primarily white school. Of course, the white students were sad to leave the safety of the upscale neighborhood.  So, a conundrum arose in the school systems for many years.

What was a problem for some was actually a bigger reason to go to private schools for the wealthy. So, Nashville became a town of many private education facilities—very expensive facilities. I had students from both sides of the tracks. The talent from the poorer families was raw and the talent from richer family had been nurtured most times.

As my student grew to adults, what I noticed was that the hard workers, the ones who had to sacrifice a lot to pay for my services got great scholarships to wonderful colleges on their talent alone. The students who were from wealthier families were not encouraged to pursue the arts in college. Instead, they would mostly go on to another exclusive school and begin the process of discovery. Of course, this wasn’t the case in every situation, but a common scenario.

Many of the students still keep up with me on Facebook or Instagram. I love to see what they are doing with their music. The ones I imagined would become stars almost always end up doing something more mundane and are happy with simple lives. The ones who were told they were not very good in high school but my estimation were excellent, ended pursuing their dreams. But the ones who seemed to be the most successful were the students who had mediocre talent but had fire-driven desire to make it no matter what.

What does this tell us about life? When you see Simon Cowell asking a contestant on America’s Got Talent why he or she wants to win the big prize, Simon understands that desire and passion are the main keys to making it as a star. It’s almost as if one has to sell his or her soul to the industry for talent to be noticed and encouraged.

Of course, there are those rare occasions when someone unexpected and unassuming steps on the stage and wows us from the depth of talent that must come directly from angels, as was the case this evening with a 9 year girl who sang better than a 30 year old.

I’m not here to tell you to pursue or not to pursue your talent, but as an artist who had the brains to become a doctor, I think if I had to do it over, I would have taken the easier path—becoming the doctor. Later in life, I probably would have pursued my art after I had enough money to do so with ease and less sacrifice.

Though it seemed daunting at the time, 10 years of college sounded like a life time away, when it really was just a blink of an eye. But becoming an artist is rife with competition that never ends and the ones who gain the roles are not necessarily the best. Where as, if you study to become a surgeon, and you are good at what you do, you will ultimately succeed, especially financially, which is where only one artist out of a thousand probably makes it to stardom and one out of a hundred can actually make a living using their God-given talent.

For this reason and this reason alone I would choose security over my art. Maybe that makes me less of an artist and maybe that’s why I never really made it in the business. Ultimately, I tried and got fairly far in different artistic arenas, but I never felt the drive to give up life, love, and financial security for my talent and many of my friends did. I always needed a back up plan, which ultimately became my life.

My friends who have made it in the business advised me against having a backup. They told me that a backup plan would give me less of a surge forward and more of a reason not to struggle to go further in my career. Ultimately, they were correct.

Do I regret making the decision to become an entrepreneur and artist? Absolutely not. What would be the sense. I have had a great and successful life. Maybe I’m not as financially stable as some of my friends who took the traditional routes in life, but I have had fun the entire time, seeking anything my artistic mind could conceive.

Even now as I spend my days auditioning for films, commercials, and television, tutoring and life coaching on the side, I am creating a vegan business with my husband and sister and still finding time to swim every day and begin a painting hobby that actually really has grabbed my attention.

My husband and I agree that we would have made different choices for financial reasons had we had to do life over again. But, we also see that we may never have met had either of us gone in a different direction.

So, with that measure: Here’s to Making the Passionate Choice!

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How Do You Handle a Loss of Power

How Do You Handle the Loss of Power?

Most people come to me depleted and wondering why they feel so disenfranchised and full of anxiety. At the heart of almost every problem is a loss of power.

Some people give it away. Some people are coerced to give it away. Some people have their power snatched away by force. And the most unfortunate, are so young they have no choice in the matter.

Most people who come in to see me (and this may sound so bizarre, have lost their power to a thing, not a person). The thing is usually food or cigarettes or sex or gambling or pornography. This is the easiest of all places to retrieve your power, because it is within your own power and your power only to get back what you alone have given away.

But when the transgression has come from another person, the matter gets a little stickier. Forgiveness, boundaries, legalities, and the retrieval of your authentic power all have to be put into their proper place for your health to come back.

This takes time and the  of a good mental health practitioner. Don’t expect to do something this hard on your own. You are not Svengali. Each step takes special care in the doing to help mend your heart and retrieve that power you so rightfully deserve.

If you are one who has been mentally, spiritually, or physically raped or abused, my prayer is this for you today:

“Spirit God, help me find a way to reach out of my pain and find help. More importantly, I need to forgive myself, forgive You, and try to see what has happened to me as a chance for me to learn a strong lesson about losing my power. There is a powerful God strength inside of me that I know I want to access. Please help me find it again. Lead me to the person who will help me retrieve it without judgment and without pity.”

(I want you to know, friends, that I, too, had been raped as a child. I know, full well that regaining my power has been a life-long job. I accept it fully now. I know that if I touch only one person with what I know and what I learned, I will have succeeded in making it all worth the fight. Much love. Bo)


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On a Queer Day, You Can See Forever!

I have to tell you, I hate the word queer. I love gay people, but hate the word.

The dictionary’s definition is: chiefly odd, strange, and a derogatory name for homosexual. What gay person wants to be called queer? I think this all started with that television show, “Queer as Folk,” which was about as realistic about gay lifestyle as me living in my backyard in a tent and calling it roughing it.

Obviously, if you’ve lived as long as I have, you know that the title of this blog is a play on the words of the song, “On a Clear Day.” Today things are getting a bit clearer for me.

I had shared that I have been in a bit of a fog since my break-up 3 weeks ago. We all know that happens. I don’t want to believe I am not susceptible to anything that my clients wouldn’t be. But the truth is I have one clear advantage. I get to learn from all of my dear ones. And as I learn, I take my knowledge to the high ground where I try to be an objective, compassionate observer of my life.

These past few weeks I have seen a physical, human man needing time to recover emotionally and physically. So, I have done just that. It hasn’t been pleasant sometime. But I have tried my best to tell the people around me what is going on and let them in on the recovery process. It truly does take a village.

For instance, when I was on my way home for Knoxville, and I knew Steve had moved out his furniture, I asked a couple friends to be there when I returned. I knew I would need support and help to get the home back to being solely mine. I don’t regret that decision in the least. In fact, I think it has been one of the strongest decisions I’ve made in a long time.

What I have noticed now as different than from what I used to do when I was unhappy is that now I let people in. Also, I take time to be quiet and let the feelings that I need to process arise from within and simply feel them. You can’t deal with anything you don’t feel and experience.

In times past, I would do everything I could to make the feelings go away. In fact, a lot of people say, the best way to get rid of bad feelings from a break-up is to go out and get laid. I’m very happy to say that I haven’t even thought about that—can’t think about that. My emotions are so tied to sensuality and intimacy, that I don’t even think I could perform without a close bond with my mate.

There was a time that I would think that was an impossibility. But today, I’m actually at that point. I know it has a lot to do with age and a lack of testosterone coursing through my body. Nonetheless, my physicality has given me a tremendous perspective on healing and working through relationship issues.

The other property that I didn’t have before was The Manual… Yes, the manual I speak of is the book: “Attached.” If it were not for the daily reading from it, I think I could not have made heads or tails of what has happened in the last year or the last 4 years of my life in anxious, avoidant, and secure relationships. Right now, because of the book, because of quiet time, and because of God, I finally think I have a clue on what makes for a good relationship.

I am now bound and determined to seek one out—in due time.



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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or

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