Do You Feel Deserving of Your Life?
November 30, 2012
(Before I forget, the answers to yesterday’s Blog were Avoidant, Anxious, and Secure.)
I spoke with a dear friend this morning about a person I knew who opted to leave a situation that was very comfortable, upper middle class, loving and peaceful, for a simple apartment by herself away from her partner. I couldn’t understand it, especially since she loved her partner, and her partner loved her back.
My wise friend simply said: “She must not have felt like she deserved the life that her partner offered her.”
It occurred to me then that this was, indeed, the answer. If you grew up like I did, living from paycheck to paycheck, barely making ends meet, you probably would feel it was unfair to take advantage of someone else’s good fortune in a loving relationship if you hadn’t earned it yourself.
Now, I know there are some people who have a sense of self centeredness that would completely defy those odds and completely take advantage of the situation and probably even abuse it. But I’m talking about a normal person who has had to really make a way for him/herself in this world. I believe it would be difficult to accept the richness of a world that was given without a feeling of justification.
But let’s look at the world of spirit. What does God expect of us? Is life always about reciprocity? If you won the lottery tomorrow—the Powerball—and came into 500 million dollars, would you feel like you deserved it? Or would you reject it? If you struck oil in your yard, would you think you didn’t deserve it?
You hadn’t done anything to deserve it except buy a ticket and take a chance or dig a hole. Yet, I bet 99.9999% of all people would have no problem thinking either was a divine gift from heaven. Which one of us is deserving of a divine gift from heaven? And what kind of reciprocal deed would we have to have done to receive such abundance? I’m not sure there is an answer to that.
I bet you if you ask most Powerball winners, they are just normal people and some probably don’t even believe in God. Maybe some become philanthropists and enjoy helping people as they enjoy a life of leisure. Perhaps, that is the only way they could enjoy the money. If someone such as I would receive a blessing like the Lottery Jackpot, I definitely would feel compelled to give a lot of the money away. I think the reason would be because I would feel that my wealth couldn’t be justified without those around me sharing in my good fortune with me.
When I have dreamed about the “what if” I would win the lottery, the first thing I think about is who I would help. Somewhere in my subconscious I believe it is only right to give when you receive from heaven. Is that me trying to justify a gift from God? Could be.
So, getting back to the person who wants to move out of a secure situation to make her way into an insecure independent situation, what of her nature? Could she just be an insecurely avoidant, attached individual who needs to work on her ability to feel securely attached? I think so.
If she moves on into an independent situation, she follows the path of her past and never gives herself the chance to feel a sense of secure attachment.
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