“Don’t Condemn Yourself” Week
December 5, 2014
One of the greatest hindrances to growing spiritually and psychologically is condemnation. Condemning yourself is deeply rooted in fear—fear of not being good enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, skinny enough, or smart enough. You name the fear; it will probably fit under the subhead of Fear. One of my favorite authors, if not my favorite one, is Eckhart Tolle. This week, his E-blast was about condemning yourself. I thought I would continue the conversation with my recent take on the subject.
My mother fell yesterday and hurt herself. As she has gotten older, she tends to get lost under her numb feet about once every six months. Usually, her falls are minor. But, yesterday, my sister’s explanation of what happened sound much like this: Mom tried to get down on the floor to exercise and ended up falling on to her head and shoulder. One of her arthritic fingers tried to stop the fall and it ended up getting badly sprained. Mom screamed and moaned to the point that my sister suggested she call an ambulance. When anyone mentions taking Mom to the hospital, she usually calms down. She quieted enough for Cheri to assess her injuries. After checking her completely, Cheri was sure my mother hadn’t broken anything. The fall simply scared Mom, and the injury to her hand was painful.
Later, when I came home, my sister went out to the store. I practiced the piano as my mother went into the kitchen to get herself a bowl of soup. Soon, I heard dishes crashing down onto the floor and countertop. I jumped up from the piano and went to my mother’s aid. At that point, she was hitting herself in the head with her hand, muttering, “I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid!”
Without thinking, I raised my voice: “Don’t say that about yourself! You are not stupid. You simply are a little frazzled from all that happened to you today.” With that, I led her back to the couch and fixed her dinner, as I, probably, should have done, initially. She was hesitant for me to clean up the broken glass. She wanted to do it herself and to make her own dinner. However, she knew I was serious, because I rarely raise my voice.
As we more calmly discussed what had happened, my mother shared that she was afraid of losing control of her life and her body. To that end, that fear turned into self-condemnation. Even the most uneducated person would never condemn an elderly person for getting old and losing functionality; yet, when she reached into her soul to find self-help, an old condemning message came to the surface. This message had probably been there since her stepfather verbally abused her as a child.
I shared with her that she was a wonderful mother and was doing great for being 83. To even be motivated enough to get down on the floor to exercise was more than most people her age would do. And her diabetes had caused neuropathy in her hands, which made her not feel her fingers and hands, especially the weight of something. So, she drops heavier articles, because she can’t estimate the weight of them as to the amount of feeling she has in her fingers.
I’m listening to her moan, now, as I write this. Again, she mutters, “I’m so messed up!” I shake my head in dismay. How can she get better, if all she does is condemn herself for the present situation? The truth is: She will have a difficult time of getting well, until she changes her mind about her self-assessment. Love and caring heals! Condemnation pushes you further into the abyss of darkness, away from the healing light.
We can only see fault in other people, when the fault, indeed, exists within ourselves. So, I know that I must have some of this same self-condemning talk rising, as well.
I am knowing for her and I that we are created in the image and likeness of Creator God and Unlimited Good and Wholeness. We are one with that Wholeness, operating from the center of It, as It, in It. So, we are complete and whole now, having all the tools and energy we need to move forward, even from sickness, pain, and negative situations. Everything that presents itself in our lives is subject to this Unlimited Good and Power to change anything negative to positive.
I, also, know this truth for you, too, today!
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