Finding the Love in an Argument! #relationship_advice
May 19, 2017
Anyone who tells you that relationship doesn’t take work, doesn’t work on his or her relationship. Yes, relentless nitpicking at everything that happens in relationship is a waste of time, but there are times when you need to sit down and really talk about what just happened and how to change the way it played out for the next time. No one who seriously wants relationship desires to stay in the same negative loop of actions. Here are some ideas you may consider:
- Don’t walk away. No matter what you feel inside, no matter what your old tapes are telling you, sit still and feel the moment. Your partner is the key to getting to the deepest changes in your life. If you don’t let him or her help you change those old, worn-out behaviors, you will never grow as a human being.
- Try to breathe and gather your wits as you listen closely to your partner. Anger doesn’t help the process of making amends. Describing why you got upset helps, though. Then, your partner has the opportunity to share his or her side of the story.
Remember: You can only see through the lens of your own personality. You can’t know what the other person thinks.
- When you are passionate about something, I know it’s difficult not to get excited and raise your voice. However, some people were raised in situations where the person yelling and screaming was abusive. Be careful not to bring up those old PTSD triggers for your partner. Your unspoken pact in relationship is to create a loving and secure place to grow, not to force someone to grow by continually bringing up scary situations from the past.
- Finally, always try to connect with the gentle touch of a hand or the smallest kiss at the end of the conversation. You must show your partner that he or she is the most important person in the world. These small things matter to you and are worth discussing, but not so much that you will discontinue loving as a result of your anger.
If you desire, you can take a more clinical approach an take an Argument Style Test from “Psychology Today.” Also find out the difference between arguing and fighting from a clinical point of view.
Walking away from a situation is only the right decision when someone is drunk, drug addled, and becoming abusive. Then, it is certainly appropriate to get as far away from the person as possible. You never want to get in harm’s way in relationship. If this happens more than once, you should seek the advise of a counselor.
If you sense you need to talk to someone for any of the above issues (either as a friend or the person having suicidal thoughts), give me a call.
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