When someone goes through a traumatic break-up, a death, an accident, he or she usually needs the desire for change to go forth with enough strength to face change. Often, what precedes this desire for change is anger. I’ve rarely met anyone willing to move forward with change when he/she is still in the throws of sadness. Sometimes sadness takes months and even years to complete. Is there is a way to move beyond this sadness quicker to get to the desire and strength to change?
I recently met a man who had been blindsided by a breakup, similar to me on Valentine’s day of last year. I could still see the sadness in his eyes. He looked as if he could break out in tears at any moment. I don’t believe anyone else could see it. But, because I had experienced what he had, I could see the same brave face covering the pain that he felt. I wanted to just hold him for an hour and tell him we would both be all right.
The rule has always been, it will take half as long as you have been together to get over the person whom you have divorced. So, if you’ve been together 15 years, you’re looking at 7.5 years of sadness. That just doesn’t seem right to me. I remember a psychologist sharing that information with me when I had broken up from an 8-year relationship. I just smiled, absolutely knowing that he was wrong. But some eight years later, I was still going through the pain of that same relationship, even as other relationships came and went. It’s as if, with each new relationship, all of the ideas and dreams of the old relationships get compounded into one large disappointment. They merge like the Dead Sea of dreams. You begin to wonder if you’ll ever see the shore.
Then you meet someone new who takes your attention off of your hurt and pain for a season. Suddenly the balm of new love overwhelms you. But, just wait until your first big fight. There the old friend of pain will be again, bigger than ever.
The smartest source of pain relief from trauma is to simply sit still and ask yourself a few questions: 1.) What is happening here? 2.) What is the lesson this situations offers me? 3.) What is the gift I bring to the situation?
If you can sit silently and let your emotions go for a moment and observe, you will be better off than to let your mind sink back into the mire of disappointment. In my book about meditation (Meditation, Meditation, Meditation), I explain about the ways you can release from the functional realm of the ego or the physical body to observe your pain, instead of dwelling in it. This is the fast track to finding peace. If you can become an objective observer in times of pain, you will always find the lesson. When you discover the lesson, you understand that the situation is there to help you, not hinder you in your life.
A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo
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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.
Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.
Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
- Old Friends and Change
- A Lot Like Me #relationshipadvice