Glue Instead of Chapstick #yourpowerfulwords #relationshipadvice #speakingtruth #communication
July 29, 2014
“Don’t you wish some people would start using glue instead of Chap Stick?” How true, indeed, that Facebook quote is. Some people exist to speak! My mother clears her throat every 60 seconds just to make a noise, like the tree falling in the woods. It’s as if she wants to make sure she’s alive and that someone hears her. Some friends hate silence so much that they must talk through all the blank spaces. Others just like hearing themselves and their constant blathering. How long will you listen, seems to be their intent. One constant is that words matter. I like to make sure each of mine contain a relevant point or give life!
A time existed when I was afraid of the silence. I never meditated because my mind was too active to stop and listen. Most people who talk too much are the kinds of people who are, also, afraid to listen. What might they hear? A criticism? A profound, change-worthy statement? A point of view other than their own? Those are all scary thoughts for someone struggling to be heard.
Listening is one of the most important parts of becoming a spiritual warrior, and also paramount in being heard, oddly enough. If you can’t sit in the silence and hear the birds chirp, the train in the distance, the wind blow against the tree, the rain patter on the roof; you miss out on some of the most serene sounds of life. Worse still, if you can’t sit with a friend and listen to his/her heart, instead of words, you also become blind to one great aspect of relationship—compassion. Listening deserves patience. Being heard can be as simple as a hug, instead of an opinion!
Not everyone who speaks with you has already figured out how he or she feels. As a general observation, women tend to simply verbalizing ideas until a truth congeals. I believe this is one of the primary reasons men and women have trouble communicating. Most men think a woman shouldn’t speak unless her idea has been well thought out and makes sense. Most women tend to speak until they come to a point. This isn’t a prejudice. It’s a proven psychological fact. Books have been written about this predominant trait that causes conflict in man/woman relationships.
I notice, too, that even in gay relationships, one person will be less verbal than the other. It seems that we attract the opposite when our subconscious looks for a mate. Notice, I didn’t say that we look for mates consciously, because most people land in relationships for attachment reasons, not deductive processing.
If a person has lost a parent or hadn’t bonded with a parent at a young age, this causes anxious attachment in the adult. If a child had an overbearing parent, he or she may become avoidantly attached as an adult. The golden egg we all search for in relationship is the securely attached individual, with a parent or parents who really listened and showed loving and compassionate truth to their children. Most of these securely attached individuals have already found mates, because they bond so easily. A securely attached individual will not have a problem with being transparent in relationship, nor will he or she have a problem with you being real. In fact, securely attached people search for that which is similar to the attitude they got from a great parental relationship.
So, developing listening skills and learning to be silent can be your challenge for today or tomorrow. Listen more than you speak! Do you become anxious to say something or add to the conversation? Ask yourself, why is it so important that I say what I believe? Will I actually change the course of this conversation if I add my personal touch? Or do I just want to be heard? Sometimes in life, people just need a compassionate listener, not an opinion or advise. Choose your words carefully. Remember that, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks!”
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