If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me? #relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating
June 11, 2014
Yesterday, I faced one of the biggest struggles of my life, like a lion. For that, I’m very proud. I write about facing the past, but don’t often get the chance to surge into my own subconscious with equal amounts of anger and compassion to destroys the demons of old. As I waited for the moments that transpired, I kept repeating to myself: “If God be for me; who can be against me?
We decided to meet at a neutral place, a semi-quiet area, in a booth at 5:30 p.m. before the dinner rush happened at a large restaurant chain. This wasn’t my favorite choice, but it was the only choice he would agree to. Fortunately, he was correct. We were only two of about 10 people in the entire restaurant, so I felt comfortable revealing my pain back in a dark corner, where security and trust seemed to bode.
He sat someone what nervously and agitated. I had coaxed him to meet me by a quiet, but strong undertone of needing his advice and encouragement as a minister, before I left on my new adventure and life in Florida. He is a strong and masculine man, beard thicker than a bear; a coarse, dark full head of hair; small age lines around his eyes, dignifying him as one who has seen life, but not been swept away by it; and perfectly fit, as one who is trying to be single, even though he is still married. He asked me random questions about my life, searching somewhat anxiously to figure out why I had invited the man who courted me like a Casanova until I was putty in his hands, then dumped me, because he felt that he would, as he said, “fall in love and wasn’t ready to, because he still had a family and life to deal with.”
I actually understood his premise. He told me about his wife and children on our first day, but said that he and his wife hadn’t slept together for 8 years, lived separate lives for the children’s sake, and was planning to divorce her. So, in a gay world where available men are hard to find, you sometimes pick from the vine when the fruit is slightly under-ripe. In this case, I had realized my big mistake, but a little too late. I have had the experience a few too many times to be making the same mistake again. However, we had only had three wonderful dates, but he was right, I was already smitten, but for all the wrong reasons.
You see, what I realized when I confronted him with the reason for my extreme anger with him when he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, was not because I was furious at him, but because I was angry with myself. I wasn’t just mad, but frustrated that I kept following the same path, round and round, like the children of Israel in the desert, and kept reaching the same place—pain. So, I asked him to meet me so that I could share my truth and ask him to listen, because the need to be heard and understood was probably the underlying, unresolved problem in my mind.
To my great pleasure, he sat quietly and listened with compassion as tears rolled down my face. I shared three stories about men who had abandoned me in the past. My first story was about my father, the archetype for the pain, then two other guys who fell in love with me when they were still married, but insisted that they were would be out of their marriage, but never did go.
When I was finished, he didn’t reach across the table with his strong hand that still showed his wedding ring, which I’d never seen before. No, he folded his hands in his lap and said, “Thank you for telling me your story. I can certainly see why you reacted the way you did when I told you I couldn’t see you anymore. You see, the reason I said that was because, after a long conversation with myself and my therapist, I realized that I couldn’t move into relationship with someone like you until I had resolved all the issues in my life. I can’t just have sex with someone. I am wired for relationship. I was on the road to hurting you and probably hurting my family too. So, I had to make the hard choice of leaving the situation before it was too late.” (Unfortunately, his timing was too late. He should have stopped before he started.)
In that moment, I felt a rush of healing flush over my body. My anger turned into compassion, mostly for myself. I had realized my actions didn’t take much to resolve my pain, just one tiny step forward holding the passion of enough anger to get me across the finish line. I’m certain that if you face your fears, as I had done yesterday, that your past will begin to resolve itself. Yes, you will feel sadness and maybe tears, but when anything dies, even something you dislike, a period of grieving is in order—even when pain slips back into the darkness to be vanquished by the light of understanding. Be strong today. You and your psychological health are worth it.
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I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.
Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also aself-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.
For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.
Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change
* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.
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