Limitless Self-Worth with Surrender
August 17, 2013
A friend sent a link to a blog about a straight man’s story discovering his dear friend and brother was gay. Instead of feeling compassion, I became antsy and frustrated while reading.
The story was based on a small town’s point of view about acute differences (race, weight, sexuality, finances, clothes). Small town, small minded—I believe I understood the premise and the metaphor.
The author talked of his brother having no friends, though, and being in the closet, because of the few people his brother confessed to had rejected him. So the gay man decided not to tell anyone else.
At this point, I understood my dilemma. The gay man wasn’t living up to his Authentic Self. I couldn’t find compassion for him, because the gay man hid from the person he was and wanted to be. How could he expect anyone to love him when he hated himself?
If you are gay, bisexual, or different in some way, you can’t expect any of us to love you and your differences if you don’t fully accept yourself. Start from here.
I understand that some people have religious beliefs that cause a major block to accepting themselves. But, I’ll tell you, there is not an ethical psychology book that even suggests that being gay or bisexual is a choice. In fact, plenty of theories exist that being gay may be genetic. So, just release yourself from that old story now!
If you still have a problem with believing that God is upset with you for being the human he created, you need a different approach to spirituality and a new face for God. What compassionate human parent would throw away a child because she was different? Certainly, we can attribute more compassion to an all-loving God.
The other problem with the story about the gay man was that I actually can understand the premise of friends rejecting you on the basis that you had been lying to them for a long time about your sexuality. Lies, in my book, are huge and relate to trust issues. If I can’t trust a friend, he simply isn’t my friend.
Sometimes being abandoned by a friend or family member is not because you are gay. The friend may release you because he or she doesn’t know who you are now—as you have been hiding your true self from him/her for so long.
There are two sides to the coming out story. The person making the change and finally having the courage to come out is responsible for having compassion for those whom he tells. I’m not saying you shouldn’t expect respect from parents and family members, who have a certain sense of fairness and the need to accept you built in to the familial process. However, in friendship, you can’t expect that same premise.
Friendship is based on trust and knowing someone intimately. If I had a friend who was straight for a long time and suddenly decided he would finally tell me he was gay—even though I may have suspected—I may be a bit put off by him. As someone with a lot of compassion about this particular situation, I would certainly not reject the friend, but encourage him to find himself. However, not everyone is as understanding.
If you tell a friend about a change in your life, such as: “I’ve decided I’m going to have a sex change. I really want to be a woman!” Can you expect that old friend to not be befuddled and confused?
You may think: “But I knew you. I undressed in front of you. I feel lied to.” Those are probably the feelings you should expect with your truth. I would feel fortunate if the person understood. If he or she didn’t, I’d simply have to move on and find someone who did love me for who I am. This is the hardcore truth of love and friendship. A hard lesson, yes, but a good one!
When you surrender to what is, accept what is, and move on from your dilemma—intelligently and with respect for yourself—you gain an unlimited amount of Self-Worth, no matter what the situation or change in your life.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. FOR COMMENTS: Go to the Bo Sebastian link under the title and there is a place there to create a comment. Thanks.
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