Love’s Illusion: I Really Don’t Know Love

Looking for love. Searching with hope. Retreating with defeat. Failing once again. Finding a glimpse. Retreating again.

What I realize is that my search, my hope, my dream of love is just an illusion—a fairytale.

True love is impenetrable, longstanding, hopeful, and secure—and most of all, never needs a large fishing net.

Through so many years of imagining that love would be like the movies and sweep me away from myself and my fears, I finally understand the words to Joni Mitchell’s song, “Both Sides”:

Tears and fears and feeling proud,

To say “I love you” right outloud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,

I’ve looked at life that way.


Oh but now old friends they’re acting strange,

They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed

Well something’s lost, but something’s gained

In living every day.


I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

… It’s love’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know love at all

It’s love’s illusion that keeps us from knowing when real love and true friendship greets us. It’s the world of fairytales and happy endings that make most of us believe that love comes with lightning and often dies with each tear shed.

I won’t see life like this anymore.

Continue reading below.


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Continued from Above:

In all of the relationships in my past—friends, family, and lovers—I’ve always backed away from confrontation. Ultimately, I believed that love would leave if I didn’t agree with the person having an opposing opinion. What I realize now is that this is the True Litmus Test of love. When love does NOT LEAVE after a confrontation, you know that you have found the security of love and having the respect of the person who trusts your love, as well. Each mate’s autonomy remains WITH love.

Millions of adults have lived through parent’s divorces and mostly the first one or two tries at their own intimate relationships don’t last. In fact, U.S. Divorce Rates says that 2.4 million people bet married every year, and 1.2 million get divorced. Of course, the same people getting married are not the ones getting divorced, in most cases, but the numbers are staggering.

  1. Could this be because most of us are looking for something that does not exist?
  2. Could it be that most of us don’t have a real life model for securely attached love?
  3. Could it be that as a result of so many broken homes, we have become a nation of avoidantly and anxiously attached individuals that either run toward love or close the door immediately when love knocks?

All of the above is true. So, how is it that we discover what love is in the face of disastrous beginnings and illusions that surrounds us? Even on popular Social Media sites, all that we generally see are the great and perfect times of friend’s lives. We witness the good more often then we see the struggle in relationships, especially the struggle in the ones that have lasted the longest. As a result, we all have an eschewed vision of love.

Love is quiet.

Love is meek.

Love is transparent.

Love believes that a disagreement leads to deeper understanding.

Love is all around you in the sky and in the cuddle of our beautiful animals.

It’s in the blessed flowers blooming and even in the ones that have had their day in the sun and now are wilting and facing demise.

When you look at love from both sides, as the song suggests, as in the Mindfulness practice of the Buddhist, you recognize that love is perfectly present in every moment of everyday, even in the death of love.


Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available.

A Single Session with Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493


Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!


GO TO AMAZON to find any of Bo’s 16 books.


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