Loving the Insecure #attachmentstyles
December 9, 2013
“How can you say that you are the unlovable one, when the person you married is the one pulling away, not facing his truth, wanting something more or different than what he committed to?” We have learned to judge relationship on the bias of being the lovable one. In most cases of separation, the lovable, secure person is the one often left in a marriage.
In my time of being a life coach, I have noticed that many people come to me disparaged and in pain because a committed partner leaves the relationship. When I hear the story, my clients couldn’t have been more loving and secure. However, the person who left the story was the man or woman who didn’t know the meaning of secure or opted for not wanting security or intimacy in relationship.
Usually, the noncommittal partner decided he/she wanted to date again, wanted out of the responsibility of loving, wanted out of the care giving, wanted out of all the good AND the hard stuff in relationship. No one says that relationship doesn’t have its hard parts. This is the stuff we realize going in to commitment that we simply want to bear. Sharing a life with someone is worth the extra load we must carry.
I had a seventy-year-old woman come to me who had not been on a date in twenty years. Her worst fear was that she wouldn’t be attractive. Her second worse fear was that the men she thought were handsome wouldn’t be attracted to her. I looked at her with my X-Ray vision and said, “Really? When was the last time you actually thought about gussying up, putting a bit of make-up on, getting a new hairstyle, wearing some sexy clothes? All of that, unfortunately matters in our ego world, as we try to attract a mate. That’s why there are more single people at the gym than any others.”
She looked past me, afraid to connect deeply. “It’s been a long time.”
My point here is that what kept my client from having dates wasn’t that she didn’t have the need or desire. In twenty years, she never had enough drive or vulnerability to try. Most of the time, the reason was because she was too busy taking care of everyone else in her life.
I get it. Most of our attempts at relationship end up in two people deciding they love or care about each other, but don’t have enough energy to plow through a lifetime. Forever is a long time. Making the choice to break up because you can’t see forever is a scary choice. I would say, if you can’t see the next few steps ahead without your partner, stay with the relationship. We are not soothsayers and psychics, especially for our own relationships. We have no idea what the future will hold.
We do know, however, that a network of wonder and an infinite power has created a networklike fabric that connects us all in so many powerful ways. If your partner or spouse is supposed to be in your life for spiritual growth, he or she will stay. I know this much about life, “What is, simply is!” And we must love the present no matter what it holds. You are strong enough, beautiful enough, powerful enough to get through whatever life hands you today. Believe that much and you will see tomorrow with a smile on your face.
New Challenge: Go to Week 6 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
Look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One to Four Challenges:
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
• My Latest Book: Finding Authentic You—7 Steps to Effective Change (800 page downloadable Kindle version)
• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.
Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!