Married to the Law #effectivechange #trashingoldbeliefs #narcissism #conarcissim
July 24, 2014
Have you ever known a person who simply will not divert from a proposed set of laws he or she has made in his/her mind—probably put their by religion, society, or, mostly likely, their own sense of self-hate? Usually, these same people are apt to judge everyone else around them for not following the laws they have superimposed upon themselves. How do you get out of this negative, judgmental and prejudiced paradigm, should you discover that another has set you on this path?
Sharon had a mother who was a narcissist. Her mother never allowed Sharon an opinion in life. Once, when Sharon was a child, her mother let her pick out her own Christmas dress. Sharon picked out the prettiest, pink, flowery dress she could find, of course. This dress didn’t look a bit Christmas-like. As a result, when Sharon went to church in this beautiful dress, all proud and feeling beautiful, her mother said to almost everyone she met that morning, “I let my daughter pick out her own awful dress. This is what happens when you let an eight year old make her own decisions!”
Sharon admits, that from that point on, to gain her mother’s approval, she followed every rule that her mother doled out, including with it her mother’s views about politics, prejudices, and social protocol. This is called becoming a Co-narcissist. To have a narcissist, you must also have someone who allows the behavior to exist. Without realizing it, Sharon propagated, as an adult who barely even liked her mother, some of those same beliefs. Sharon asked me, “How do I get rid of these old believes from this hateful woman, who had long since passed away?”
Just recognizing that her beliefs were wrong for her was the first good choice Sharon had made. She, then, had to become the observer of her own mind and thoughts and, literally, cast down ideas that no longer served her. An example: Sharon’s first impulse when she sees a woman at the mall wearing white shoes and a brown belt is to think, oh my Lord, has that woman got any sense at all. Doesn’t she know her belt is supposed to match her shoes? And it’s summer. In the South, we don’t wear white after Labor Day!”
Sharon must first feel her mother’s superimposed thought and see that it is not her own. It was simply programmed into her mind. Sharon says to herself, “I don’t know if this woman is too poor or has ever been taught southern manners. It is not up to me to judge her with my beliefs. I don’t know this woman or her circumstances in life. Maybe she doesn’t have the money to buy something different.” So, feeling her truth and using her deductive mind to reason with the negative belief, is the first way to change an old pattern.
Second, she could use an EFT technique (Emotional Freedom Technique) that helps incorporate new belief into the body’s mainframe computer. The technique involves tapping a specific part of your body while you state your new outlook on life—out loud. Since this is a heart matter, I would suggest, as you repeat your new truth, tap your chest with your fingertips. This is also a Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique that changes neural pathways in your mind as they are triggered.
The last thing to do is to thank yourself for your new outlook. We often forget that underneath our grown-up appearance, a small child exists inside of all of us, who needs our parental advice now and again. This child also desperately could use the encouragement that you never received from your own parent. So, it’s a good thing to reward your self for great, new behavior. To this day, when I set out to do any goal, I always add to my goal a reward, so that I know accomplishment has a golden pot at the end of its path. What a wonderful way to say thank you to yourself and to Spirit for a change you know will take time and much diligence.
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[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]
This book is about loving yourself, no matter what your childhood looked like. You are a beautiful creation, worthy of good things, as Billy Ray eventually realizes, after his preacher father is imprisoned for killing his mother’s boyfriend, the county’s high school football star quarterback!