Monsters in My Bed
October 27, 2013
(This blog has some explicit thoughts and ideas. If you don’t want to go there with me today, just simply delete it or pass it by. But I felt like this needed to be addressed, especially when we think about the intricacy of the heart.)
Many people who have had sexual problems in the past end up with Monsters in their Beds. You may be lying next to someone you love, but next to that loving person may be the shadow of someone who hurt or abused you.
Many years ago a young man came to see me as a client. He appeared to be a football player, tough and intelligent. However, he had troubles in his marriage. He treated her sexually with an abusive nature that even he didn’t understand. They went to counseling and ended up on my couch.
Something in his neural pathways kept sending the message that “the only way he could achieve orgasm was to get angry with her and treat her with bondagelike actions. Initially, and why this worked so long, the wife had the same kind of fantasies. However, she had gone to therapy and corrected the problems in her past. Now, she wanted to be treated with love and compassion. But her husband couldn’t achieve orgasm when they played the part of the loving couple, which interestingly enough, mirrored their real relationship.
This habit disturbed both of them. The young woman realized this bondage fetish had come from abuse from her father when she was a child. He would hold her down and force her to have oral sex with him. As she got older, he began to enter her, also keeping her hand over her mouth the entire time. Her bondage fantasy helped her appease her sense of pain with her father, who had died before he could ever apologize or make peace.
Back to the husband. I did regression with him to see if he was hiding anything from his conscious mind or repressing it, simply because he was afraid to face it. What we understood quickly, when he got comfortable enough to talk was that his uncle forced him to have oral sex with him. When he got older, the uncle included him in his marriage sex and coerced this sixteen-year-old to have intercourse with his wife while he held her down. Because at sixteen, sex feels good no matter what the circumstance for a boy, my client liked it and began to enjoy his occasional sleepovers at his uncles. After that, he subconsciously looked for women who had bondage fantasies.
For the male, our issue was to reprogram the subconscious mind to NOT need the monsters of the past to get to climax with his wife.
The process was tedious and hard at times. But the couple pushed through because of their incredible love for one another. Complete transparency took place while they had sex. My male client committed to explaining what went on his mind to his wife, while they were having sex. We devised loving mantras for the wife and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) triggers to help the male client come back to the present and to the love.
He went without orgasm for about three weeks before he finally met his intimate partner with a loving climax together. They both said it was the best sex they had ever had. Ultimately, after many intimate times with transparency, the couple was able to have normal sex again. These times, with no monsters.
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
• Introduction to Meditation
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• Insomnia mp3
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• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
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• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
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