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Old Habits Die Slowly

Gosh, I hate to admit it, but I found myself reacting in a knee-jerk way to someone loving and wonderful a couple days ago. I felt as if everything I had been building in my life as far as spiritual gain had been drained away in a matter of seconds.

I texted a friend a great idea—something that would be perfect and wonderful for the weekend. Just the thought of the idea made me feel tingles all down my spine. I wanted it to happen so badly. But I didn’t hear back from this person for one hour, then two hours, then three hours, and by the fourth hour, an insecurity so deep took out my phone and wrote a text message quicker than I could manage stopping my texting fingers.

The text said, “Well, I guess, you not answering was answer enough!” Of course, it turned out that the person I was texting was in meetings all day and didn’t get to the personal phone until minutes after I texted the hateful message. I screwed up, and I knew it the moment I pressed send.

My heart plummeted to my feet. My stomach turned. Acid rushed to every part of my blood stream. Toxic!

So, we do things we don’t mean to do all the time. I’m fairly cautious about my words, my actions and my emails—usually rereading them two or three times before I send any. Most of the time I don’t even send an email that has emotion in it, because I know that emails and texts are a bad place to put emotion.

But this time I did, and I suffered the consequences immediately. How many times do I have to learn that lesson? I asked myself. I felt as if I could lose the friendship even after I said I was sorry. That made me sad. I realized that I could learn the lesson and always make another friend, but what made me even sadder was that I thought I was over the anxious attachment of my childhood. Even my friend commented on me being past that kind of old behavior. I agreed that I guess I’m not as adult as most people would hope. (Now, I’m feeling even worse about it.)

Listen, we are all human. I’m glad I’m human sometimes. I can look back at myself when I’m meditating and see my humanness. Most times it makes me laugh.

Humans are wired for greatness, but they are also wired to fall many times before they achieve their powers. So, today is about accepting yourself right where you are. If you have a problem and you have made a bad choice, sit with it and feel the pain it caused. If it made a friendship fail, grieve the loss as if it were a death and learn to go on.

The earth is a pathway to great things, none of which were made to be sat on and grieved over for years. We have to pack up the tears after a while and step forward back into life and let the lessons we learn be worth the cost of our grief. Amen?

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries.

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