Patterns That I Face Everyday #codependency
January 26, 2015
Patterns That I Face Everyday
We have often heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This is a pattern. For example: I begin a new job and, immediately, don’t like how the boss treats me. I complain to others around me. People always persecute me. Why can’t I find a job where others treat me fairly?
If this pattern happens over and over again, you probably are living in an old story that needs changing. You could also use a new way of looking at this picture. I had a friend who would always found a reason to quit a job after only a month or two. Sometimes, she would be everyone’s favorite person at her new employment for the first few months, because ultimately she was a hard worker. Then, suddenly, her boss would persecute her again. Often, she would have to take her problems to human resources and sometimes to the police. If it wasn’t sexual harassment (she was gay) then it was others getting her hours.
She had a mother who tried hard to support her. This was one of those symbiotic relationships that continued until my friend was about 35. The mother nurtured and loved her child beyond the scope of reason. She needed her daughter’s love and approval to co-exist, so she bent the rules where her daughter was concerned, often giving her money when she needed it. What her mother didn’t understand for a long time was that her daughter needed psychological help and that she had been corroborating with her own child to enable her, never to heal her issues.
Eventually, the daughter’s alcoholism and drug abused got to the point that she became volatile and angry, not only making it impossible to gain employ, but also causing issues with the mother’s family life. The mother finally cut off her daughter. The daughter had no more patterns to fall back to. Eventually, she got the help she needed to break her old habits. But, she had to release the pattern of dependency and codependency to make this happen.
Patterns in our life are like programs on a computer. They run like a mainframe on the computer—in the background—and often don’t present as a problem until its too late. So, we have to look at negative patterns in our lives to help cue us to our deepest problems inside the mechanism of our own brains. This would be like noticing that the printouts from your printer are slightly eschewed. Eventually, you need to change the ink cartridge or the alignment to make the copies appear correct. You wouldn’t continue to tear up the printouts. You would look for the problem that caused them.
This is the same issue with life. When you see a pattern in your life that looks wrong or continues in a negative way, you must look for the problem at the source, not blame it on the paper or the resulting printout. When you do this, you begin to take a look at your own life with a little distance. An omniscient perspective is always a much healthier one to gain a much needed change in attitude.
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