Preoccupation and Petulance: Helping the Downtrodden
October 17, 2014
Almost everyone has one person in his/her life who is the queen or king of sulky behavior from being preoccupied with a terrible self-image. Immediately, a person comes to your mind. You see all the ways you could fix him/her. She’s a soul that has been hurt in many ways and can’t seem to get out of her old story of “nothing going her way.” He can’t seem to dig himself out of hole that seems to keep getting deeper by the day. What to do? Is there a way to help someone like this without dismantling your own life? (I’m talking you, too, parents with children who have overthrown your life.)
First of all, we really can’t help anyone without that person’s permission, even your own child. So, if you decide to take on the project of a person who is in great need of a personality shift, make sure that you have a complete disclosure about how you will help, when you will help, and how much you will help, plus that person’s permission. The worst piece of advice I could give a compassionate helper like you is to step into someone’s imperfect life without the proper parameters and safe access to the computer room of that person’s mind.
For many reasons besides the obvious, helping someone without his/her knowledge is bad spiritual practice. Even praying for someone for something specific, requires permission. You could get involved with someone who actually wants the bad in his/her life, is on drugs, who is mentally ill, who will blame you when things go wrong, and will invade your personal peace. None of these things are worth you getting involved. Trust me on this. I was the fixer in my family. I got burned a hundred times before I realized “help is on its way” meant that I was going to be a co-worker with the individual involved. Otherwise, I would just end up with a dependent, looking for a co-dependent—ME!
If you carefully decided to help someone and have that person’s permission, you can begin by creating a contract of sorts that will show the person just how much you are willing to give of yourself in exchange for how much that person needs to participate in the change of attitude.
The person in my life who I’m helping waited a very long time to ask for my advice or aid. In fact, I waited almost six years before she was down enough, sick enough, and ready for change. When she came to me, I sat her down and said, “I’d be willing to help you get out of this mess in your life, but this is what I’ll need from you to do it. Are you prepared to step forward into change WITH me?”
Even after six years of hell, she reticently said yes. I believe the reason she had been reluctant this entire time is because the first order of business in change is to accept the responsibility that you put yourself in the position you’re in. Even the sickest of sick can be happy. Anyone’s hell is partially because he/she feels deserving of negativity and mostly doesn’t understand that change is available to anyone desiring it.
We, first, said a prayer together. We didn’t ask God for anything. I made an affirmative statement about who she is as a child of God and told her that I personally see her already at peace and experiencing joy, right relationship, prosperity, and a sense of purpose. Then we released our affirmation to God, who fulfills all prayers in the perfect timing.
After we prayed, I shared that I would help her with specific things in life, none of which were financial. Creating a financial dependent is hard to get out of. I would rather teach someone to take care of herself. I helped her with her resume, talked about attitude in the work place and with me, specifically. I shared that I would not help if she became disgruntle or petulant. I would simply walk away.
This is not to say that I haven’t walked away a few times in this process. But each time, she gets a new chance to act differently. I offer my help again after an apology and helping her realize that I only have a few more offers of forgiveness available before I leave this process entirely.
At this moment, the person I have been helping has vastly made a shift in her life. She smiles more, laughs more, is involved in getting a job every day, and has become an integral part of life and has a daily spiritual practice. I’m very proud of her at this moment, even though the effect of a new job and prosperity hasn’t appeared in her life, I still see it clearly for her everyday.
Being able to hold up your end of the deal is the most imperative part of helping someone, though. If you can’t see that person whole and complete, then there is no chance that your friend or family member will ever see her or himself whole. Take time to meditate on your own personal power and see your friend or family member in the arms of a loving God, complete and healed.
This is my new book about Meditation. As it says, I have made this manual simple and practical for anyone who wants to begin the process of change through meditation. Please buy a copy for yourself and a friend. Go to Amazon!
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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.
Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.
Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]