Reality Check: On Death and Dying #death #grievingloss #loss #dying
July 17, 2014
One of my favorite quotes is from a book called, What Happy People Know by Dan Baker. “Every moment that’s ever been, or ever will be, is gone the instant it’s begun. So life is loss. And the secret of happiness is to learn to love the moment more than you mourn the loss.” Notice Dr. Baker doesn’t say, “But the secret of happiness…” He says, “And the secret of happiness is…”
Dr. Baker knows, with certainty, that death for anyone or anything (relationships, work, friendships) is eminent, because life changes in an instant, and every relationship is on a trajectory toward death. So, someone has to die in a relationship eventually. You must retire. Someone must move away. Our deepest love falls apart. This is reality; it’s not pessimism. When you truly get this truth, your entire life will change.
Life begins when you accept that death is imminent, because you immediately realize the gift you have been given in each relationship (even your relationship to work or a hobby). Conversely, with this realization, you may decide that a certain relationship or friendship or work situation is taking too much of your energy and isn’t worth holding on to. Either way, when you realize you have only a certain amount of time on earth, you lose fear and become bolder in your choices. You stand up for what you believe. You recognize the gifts that are directly in front of you. In other words, you take hold of your power IN THE NOW!
Personally, this fact has been clearly hitting me in my face this past month as I prepare to move forward to a new home in a different state. Friendships I thought were dead have found life. Friendships I wish were dead have found renewed vengeance. I have learned that the only thing that has the capacity to change is my point of view about all of it. In the face of a friend trying to ruin a poignant dinner with buddies because she doesn’t think she should move on from the past, has only cleared away the dross for those who want to stay true friends. Clients who left my life because they were afraid of change must learn to deal with their own losses without me. The new relationships with my sisters and mother must change, as Mom learns to lean on her daughters instead of always looking to me to be a life raft.
I get it! Life is—and always has been—about change! It is inevitable and imminent. We grieve our losses, because they are reality, and parents pass away eventually. But, the gift in this harsh reality is that Spirit is always making room for something new and wonderful.
Are you ready to accept this truth and live in the Now? This should be the question we ask ourselves everyday to stay completely present.
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