Reality Sets In — #dayaftervalentinesday
February 15, 2014
You’ve had that long awaited special dinner. You shared a bottle of champagne. You chatted in each other’s arms after smoldering intimacy and don’t even remember falling asleep. The next day, your partner leaves for work. You clean up the house and get ready for your own busy day. You notice the card he gave you, left on the buffet under a red, heart-shaped box of the finest chocolates.
You reread the card. This time you notice that he doesn’t say some of the words you had wished to hear. The card says, “I love your kindness and the awesome way I feel when I’m with you!” but he never says anything quite like you did. In your card you wrote, “You are the man of my dreams. I hope to be in love with you many, many years from now!”
Suddenly, you feel sad. Could you be in love with someone who simply loves you more like a friend with benefits? Does the person you love really plan a life with you? Wow! That is a hard question to answer honestly, especially after Valentine’s Day. But the reality may be written right in front of you on the card. You are simply too afraid to look at the truth because you’re more scared of being alone than you are of being present for your own reality show.
We watch way too much reality television. But the truth is: very few of us want to be in our own shoes in our own lives. We’d rather fantasize about what we have created in our minds as our illusion, than live in the truth we actually created. What would happen if you asked the real question today, the day after? What if you said to your partner, “Honey, I noticed that you didn’t say the words I Love You! in your card. You danced around it, but never really said it. He holds you in his arms and says, without looking you in the eyes, “Babe, you know I love you.”
In the reality, bereft of false hope, you hear what you have been so frightened of. Today, you have the courage to ask that rare question: “What exactly does your love mean? Do you see yourself with me in the long term? Are you ‘in love’ with me?” You linger in the pause for far too long, prompting you to ask her in another way, “I fear that you don’t love me in the same you I love you. I love you with all my heart and mind and want to see us growing old together. Can you and do you see that?”
She bows her head. “I don’t know that I’m in that place.”
Suddenly, yesterday means nothing to you. The past year or years become meaningless. “Why, exactly, did you begin a relationship with someone if commitment isn’t in the cards? Did this person want intimacy, or did he want a commitment and to build a life together?” Your partner shakes his head. “Oh, man, babe! It’s not you. It’s me. I’m just not ready to say those words.”
If this happened to me, I don’t know that I would give the partner another day of my precious life. Perhaps, you misjudged this person’s level of secure attachment. He seemed as if he had all the qualities of the person in the book, who isn’t afraid to share his truth, laugh with me, cry with me, be completely herself. She wasn’t even afraid to move in together. Why is this person suddenly acting as if you are not important enough to plan a future with?
You know, your partner may be right. His reason for being complacent and distant is not your fault at all. He or she may have baggage from an old relationship. He may have a sophomoric desire to see what relationship is like without actually committing to one. She may need security more than she’s willing to admit. Whatever the case, this is less about you than it is about your partner. Get honest with yourself and check inside. Do you really want to live like in THIS REALITY? Do you deserve the kind of commitment true love can bring?
I believe you do!
On a separate note, I hope you get a chance to enjoy my new book, “Finding Authentic You.” There are 365 daily spirit-mind-body discoveries . You can now find it on Amazon and Amazon Kindle. Below are the links. If you’re like to follow along with a group, there is also an online Year to Clear Challenge described below.
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
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• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
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• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One to Four Challenges:
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
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