Refried Beans and Poppycock #nostalgia #livinginthepast #tryingnewthings
March 8, 2015
I come from a large Italian family, rich with food I can’t spell, tons of siblings and relatives, and a culture that values the art of loving and laughing. As I have moved through life—and sometimes far away from relatives—I had always thought that family was surrogate, loving friends who were in the same boat as I—a far distance from relatives. This homemade family had birthdays, holidays, and wept together during the hard times—all things your blood relative usually provide.
Now that I’m a stone’s throw away from three sisters and a mom, I sat excited about my family’s weekly game night. I realized that I had rather be sitting in that hard wooden chair surrounded by my family than anywhere else in the world. I looked around the table at three generations of friends. They are not just family, but my best and most secure friends. We ate and laughed for four hours, as we often do. Each time we get together, I’m completely in the moment.
I’m glad I took the opportunity to rediscover my family, kind of like refried beans. They are cooked a few times, looking kind of squished and mutilated, but taste crispy around the edges, full of flavor, spread easily, and taste familiar. What I hadn’t realized about moving near family was the security they would provide for my heart.
I have often written about the three kinds of attachments in Attachment Theory. Anxious attachment comes from a lack of secure connection, first with family, then usually exposing itself in personal relationships. If the dynamics of family is right, then it could provide the needed secure attachment you may have been looking for in personal relationships your entire life, as I have. I notice, now, that instead of thinking about meeting someone to spend my life with, I think—if it happens, it happens. For me, that’s a great place to be, mostly because I have been the kind of man who wanted relationship so badly that I rushed in and made many mistakes.
Last night, my twenty-eight-year-old nephew, who is the straight clone of me, introduced the family to this new popcorn that had cheese corn and caramel corn mixed together. We all tore through the bag like ravenous pigs. The taste reminded me of Poppycock, which is equally as addictive. As we were all stealing handfuls of this popcorn from each other’s separate bowls, I realized how life provides something new and wonderful at each moment if I am observant.
I commit to spending the rest of this life simply aware. This is my new goal. As I become more securely attached, I spend more and more time simply being and enjoying life. What a lovely way to live.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]