Relationship Dementia #relationship #relationshipadvice #Divorce #nosextonight
July 31, 2014
One of the most prevailing stories I hear on a daily basis is: My partner of 10-20 years and I love each other, we’re best friends, but we barely ever have intimacy. I call this Relationship Dementia. The medical definition of Dementia is the slow deteriorating of the brain’s functions. In long lasting relationship, this also happens with sex. Long, loving kisses and sexuality are replaced with family issues, fixing the house, dealing with health problems, and friendship. Usually, only one of the partners really wants this to happen. At least one of the partners feels empty, because of the loss of intimacy. But, how to does a couple work to recreate new closeness and a more sensual bond?
Nothing happens in relationship unless you are, first, transparent about the problem. And second, you must both make a concerted effort to make change. Yes, change happens inevitably, but we must have a hand in the direction change takes us. Are you willing to let your life go in any direction it wants? Or, do you want to play a part in the next page of your life?
Personally, I want to take all of what I know, and learn from it. If you are not one of those people who have a spiritual inclination and let every wind sweep you away with heartbreak and desperate calls for help, then you haven’t learned, yet, that you are a creator. You were born in the image of Spirit God. God is a creator. When God has children, they look and act similar to God. So, start playing your role on earth, instead of letting every wind toss you off of your course.
With relationship, two people may stay in commitment, but may not have any sexual energy left after twenty years. Should that stop you from doing your part to recreate the energy you desire? I don’t think so. Bring her flowers. Tell him you love him. Share the deepest feelings of your heart. Break down and bear your soul! Relationships—at this age—need a good shaking. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable! What is the worst that could happen?
Yes, you’re right. You could find that your partner has no sexual desire for you anymore. You could finally hear the truth and take action about that truth. But, never knowing how your best friend and partner feels, is not a choice, it is acquiescing to nothingness. If you were to get the honest news that your partner had no desire to have sex or even kiss you anymore, what would your reaction be? You can start from just thinking about the worst that could happen. This is good and healthy behavior, if you don’t get depressed about it and take action.
Assess the relationship. Decide if the relationship is strong enough to remain without sex, or see if your partner would allow you to seek intimacy somewhere else. Sometimes, just the thought of someone else loving the person you care about is enough for a partner to reassess his/her feelings. If this doesn’t work, you could leave the relationship. For at least 50% of the population, intimacy plays a very important role in relationship. If it isn’t there, one doesn’t feel close. Closeness is a necessity, if we’re going to invest so much into one other person. WE want to, not only be a best friend, but want to be a companion, a confidante, a lover, and a fun-seeker. We want it all. You know what, we deserve it!
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