December 21, 2012
Do you value yourself and the life choices you’ve made?
Quite often, if you’ve been struggling with regaining your power, your self-esteem may be weakened. According to your energy centers, strength works from the bottom up. If your basement is weak, your house will eventually fall. It might take a few years, but it will inevitably fall; I guarantee it.
I like to ask my clients and friends: What is your life’s purpose?
Most people have no idea. There’s a Bible verse in the Old Testament that basically says, people without a vision will not survive. Without a goal, there is no direction in life. Without direction, it is difficult to find a reason to wake up in the morning.
Donna was in a long-term relationship that lost its way. It had gone stale——she had gone stale. A dancer and gymnast most of her life, she had stopped exercising and gained one hundred pounds. She smoked pot every day, and I could tell by her demeanor, she wasn’t a happy camper about any of this.
Her frustration with life and marriage, however, led her to go back to school at thirty-eight. She had a burning desire to counsel children. After four years, loans out the ying-yang, and much self-sacrifice, she is now a practicing social worker.
The self-esteem she gained by working toward a goal now has led her to quit the dope and begin to work on her weight problem.
I’m very proud of Donna (the name is changed to protect the privacy of my client).
Succinct goals, ones that take determination and effort, usually make life deliberate. I find that even the small task of taking care of a pet can often draw a person from depression. Humans need purpose; we want to feel as if our lives count. The only way to do this is to choose for your lives to count.
If you lack direction, join a club or a singles group. Find people with like interests to explore your own desires. Often a group of friends committed to enjoying life can be enough to give you reason.
I spoke with a seventy-year-old woman whose husband passed away from cancer last year. She told me, for awhile, she needed her family to call daily; she expected them to call. She sat by the phone hoping they would somehow fill the abyss in her heart left by her husband’s departure from this earth. But her family stopped calling; her children went on with their lives; and she was left alone and lonely. She realized then that she had to make some strong changes.
She maintained a job, though she was beyond retirement age. This was a smart move. She began joining retirement groups and calling old friends in similar situations.
Today she looks and feels terrific, her self-worth is fantastic, and she enjoys a life filled with excitement and travel. Her children still play an important role in her life, but she doesn’t expect from them, so now they’re able to give their time without resentment.
If you have stomach problems or pain in the lower back this may indicate that you have a problem with self-esteem. I find that people with back pain are often stuck in the past with anger and unforgiveness. The saying “I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back” is apropos in this case.
Habits are habits. If you constantly live in the past, you must break this debilitating habit just as with drinking or a tobacco problem. Both are killing you. I’m convinced this inner plague is more serious than its outer manifestations.