Self-Judgment: “Flippin’ Your Fins, You Don’t Get Too Far”  

“Legs are required for jumpin’, dancin’” are the lyrics to Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,” which Ariel sings about wanting to live on the Land instead of in the sea. Ariel sees life outside of the water as the magic kingdom. This is the paradigm of most of us on land, wishing we could fly, be wealthier, healthier, in better shape, movie stars, and anything else that our minds could fantasize about. However, where we are is in this present moment is quite amazing and a special gift!

The life of a quiet monk or one who spends a great deal of time in meditation or seeking for quietness in a LOUD world, often speaks of the #Observer_Mind, that part of the One Mind that watches, but doesn’t judge, the part that listens but doesn’t react.

In the past week, I have had a series of dreams or visions about the same subject:

looking back at the past and observing it through the eyes of forgiveness.

The characters in the dreams were old teachers, classmates, family, friends, and anti-friends. Each person in the dreams told me a story about myself and the deep sense of inadequacies I had in the past, and, perhaps, still carry with me on my daily journey. Each character of my dreams is basically Me Judging Me.

If I stand still and simply watch the dreams without judgment, I can see that the majority of my life I have allowed the assumption of judgment from others rule my world.


I picked the song from “The Little Mermaid” because Jodi Benson, the voice of the Little Mermaid was someone I had considered my best friend during the time the movie was being made. In fact, while she was recording the song, I was staying in her New York apartment. We were both very spiritual, but in a way that was more Christian than I am now.

As Jodi and I have grown to be older adults, she and her husband maintained a very Christian faith, while I looked outside the box for less judgment and more love—lots more love than I had found in the Christian, bible-thumping world. This self-imposed idea of judgment, though,  has followed me throughout my adult years.

When I think of my dear friend, I believe it is impossible for her to love me without her law-based Christian boundaries, because of her strict faith. So, I dream of her family often, because my mind continues to see a world where I am more judged than I would like to be by her. The truth here is that I have super-imposed this thought on myself. I may be correct or incorrect, but I don’t feel as loved by her and her family, the I could have been the one who has caused the chasm between us because of what I assumed about her faith.

More importantly, this self-judgment has risen above the love and grace that I need to feel at peace with life and myself. This judgment also assumes something of others that I simply don’t know, couldn’t know, because it is within the purity or impurity of their own hearts.


In other words, my friend has become my metaphor for self-judgment. When I dream of Jodi or the song from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid” I basically dream of my judgment of myself. Yes, I could be praying in the one mind for a deeper love for her and her family and the entire Christian realm of believers. But, ultimately, every character in my dream is produced and directed by me and me alone.

If you have known me or if I have had the pleasure of knowing you, you know that I’m an over-achiever. I always have 10 anvils in the fire, trying to make something new, write a bestseller, or wow the world with something they’ve never seen or heard before with my writing.

I believe that part of my work ethic comes from being gay as a child and the self-imposed idea that I’m always being judged, even when someone may love me beyond their own critical belief-system.

When anyone is consistently judged for who he or she is, a person feels as if she has to over-achieve to show the rest of the world that he is worthy of anything—riches, health, good looks, a good relationship.

Three years ago I took a careful assessment of my life and realized that this was, indeed, the case in my life. I not only let others judge me, I got into intimate relationships because of how someone would look by my side, who they were as a resume, and what kind of authentically amazing person he would look like on my arm. I basically wanted relationship to help me feel like a better person.

I can’t say that this was always the case, but I know as I reviewed my life and became vastly honest—more honest than I had ever been with myself—that I had some great strides to take to find a real relationship with a foundation based in friendship, deep love and respect, which had little to do with what the person looked like on my arm. Basically, I had to rewrite my story.


As with anyone who begins to write anything, my office had metaphoric crumpled paper all over the floor, which was rife with rewrites and “start-overs” that seemed to mirror all of the anxiousness from my past but with different people.

The main Truth I had to learn about rewriting the story of my life was that:

  • I had to begin with changing the inside of me.
  • I had to stop judging myself.
  • I had to quit expecting more of myself than I had to give.
  • I had to begin to take each day, one moment at a time and authentically let the day, the dreams, and the future unfold WITH ME and AS ME.

What lies on the shore of vast water where I cannot dwell because I have no gills is no business of mine. My business begins and ends with what is mine to do and give every minute of my life. Start you new journey today by taking the steps I took in my new book: “Your New Story, Your New Life.” Follow this link to find my latest book on Amazon and begin to rewrite your story today!

GIVING AND RECEIVING IN LIFE IS OFTEN DIFFICULT. I have been giving from my heart about 2-3 hours a day for 7 years to create advice–spirit, mind and body for millions of readers. Recently, I have been led to ask people to give back as a way for me to learn how to receive.

As a tribute to my belief that “prosperity is all around us, should we choose to receive,” I want to invite those of you who want to send an offering for the joy or advice you have received from Finding Authentic You Blog.

“We must give to receive, always. This is the Law of Reciprocity.”

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Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available. Find out more here>


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You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!



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One observation on “Self-Judgment: “Flippin’ Your Fins, You Don’t Get Too Far”  
  1. Bo Sebastian

    Rewrite your story today! This blog will help you learn the technique of self-observation without judgment and send you on your way to authentic spiritual and physical change on your human journey.


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