December 23, 2012
A saw a recent picture today on Facebook of seven of the best friends in my lifetime laughing hysterically. The photo expressed love, community and joy in every way. The only thing that was missing in the picture was me.
I hadn’t been invited to the party. And it still seems highly unlikely that I’ll ever be told why.
I talk about forgiveness a lot in my blogs and the many levels of forgiveness one can go through on this path. This betrayal of friendship was and is the most difficult I have ever had to go through.
Why? Because of the two friends that I thought still cared about me in the picture, one hasn’t responded to any phone calls or emails in months. So, now it’s down to one great friend out of seven who still cares enough to go the distance.
My thought is always, what exactly is being spread about me that keeps all these people so distant? Not only are they being distant, but completely unresponsive. If it were me, and they had done something that was worthy of this treatment, I would be calling and speaking my piece, you can be sure of that. But none of them will talk. And they won’t talk to the one friend left standing, either. This makes amending the problem impossible, which I think is their ultimate plan.
What makes all of this even more difficult is that two of the people in the picture are my ex- of eight years and his new partner of seven and a half years.
I’m pouring my heart out on the page here, and I’m not sure what God has in store for all of you, but I hope it’s as healing for me as it is for you.
Let’s try to therapize this. This process is also known as self-soothing or self-talk.
Your highest self would say, “A friend would come to you and explain what was wrong. None of these people are being a true friend. Do you really want unauthentic friends in your life?”
To that end, my ego brain would respond, “Absolutely not. I have many better friends, actually, as a result of letting go of these friends. My newer friends get me in a more recent way, whereas, the old friends kind of expect the old Bo to appear. I love the people in my life now more because they honor me and are drawn to my life because of spirituality and an express interest in a deeper communication in loving and in life.” (You all reading this are who make my life tick… Thank you.)
The next thing my highest self would ask me is, “So, why do you grieve when you see the picture? What is the prevailing feeling?”
Ego would respond, “Abandonment. Betrayal.”
To which highest self says, “Those are strong feelings. When was the first time you felt abandonment and betrayal?”
Ego would respond, “My mother left our family the summer of third grade. I didn’t see her again until the summer of ninth grade.”
So, the higher self would speak, “You are really angry at your mother then?”
“No,” Ego would respond. “I believe my mother and I have dealt with those issues.”
“Then what else has happened in your life between now and then that has made you feel so abandoned?”
I think my ego would be in tears by now. “Every person I have ever loved intimately has hurt me. They have murdered and desecrated love. Even some of my best friends have betrayed me. I don’t trust love and I don’t trust friendship to last! That is what I’m hurt about. Love is supposed to be pure and last forever. Isn’t that what we’re taught? And love has proven to be everything but steadfast in my life!”
“Bravo!” the life coach in me says. “You hit the nail on the head. Now, who would you say is responsible for inviting all these so-called friends into your life?”
“Me,” Ego would respond timidly.
“If you had it to do over again, knowing what you know about each of these so-called friends, would you invite them into your life again? Or are they better off not being friends?”
“I can see that each of these old friends has been either unauthentic or caustic on some level, draining me of vital life energy.” Ego begins to feel some relief now. “My friends are much truer now. They are more equally yoked and support me spiritually and mentally.”
“So,” the life coach in me says, “God has made some good choices for you, then, even when you couldn’t make the hard choices of leaving some old, loving relationships that maybe just weren’t helping you grow anymore? Can you let go of your grief now?”
Interestingly enough… I’m ready to.
(This is a picture of self-soothing. When something comes up in your life that upsets you, this is a process you can use to get you back on track. Go back to the inception point. Discover the pain and where it began, or if it was allowed to continue in other ways in your life. Then diffuse the pain with truth. If you don’t have the tools to find the truth, you should begin today to start on a path of self-realization and spirituality. On this path, you will find the tools that can change your life and change stress and anxiety to peace forever. I promise you this.)