Stand for Something or Fall for Nothing! #authenticfriends #principle #takeastand
March 30, 2015
In a world that wants us to conform to the norm on just about every subject, sometimes taking a stand means separating yourself from loved ones. In my personal life, I noticed that I didn’t have to do much of the ostracizing from friends and family, after taking a stand for anything. Friends who cared more about judgment than about me, automatically disassociated themselves almost immediately. So, the norm not only desires conformity, but also wants us to hide in the closet with our opinions so that our close associations and friends don’t have to—by proxy—stand with us.
The truth is: personally, I didn’t ask anyone to stand with me on any of my platforms. I simply wanted to do work that felt authentic to my soul. So, as I felt the splash of success around some of my work, friends automatically began to go away in droves. I literally lost ten close friends in the period of two years. I was disheartened and saddened. Even to this day, when I think about some of my old friends. I’m amazed at their disappearance from my life. The steadfast friends, however, amaze me even more.
Friends who endure through the test of time, know that loving you does not depend on conforming to your truths. In fact, really good friends and supportive family members, will quietly urge you to be all that you are and more, as they recognize that friendship has little to do with opinions and much more to do with the act of not judging.
I can love you completely but not believe in anything you stand for. This kind of love is difficult, because usually friendships are based on commonality. What about the married man or woman, who has been your friend throughout your adult life? Your kids grew up together. You double-dated with your wives! You took vacations together. Now, your close friend has decided to set the record straight and come out of the closet. He and his wife are fine with the decision. He is the same person he has been throughout the friendship, but suddenly you see him differently. You question every moment and every word he every spoke. You decide he is the one who has been lying. You tell him he is no longer a friend. How is that fair?
This man decides to be authentic, and everyone who is important to him abandons him in the moment of his greatest need for support. He finds in all of the fifty friends who walked away, the one person he didn’t expect to stand with him, knocking at his door and asking if he is okay. At this time, the newly out-of-the-closet man begins to reassess what friendship is and how he can be a better person and friend to the new people he attracts to his life.
I get it that people leave in the case of coming out, because of guilt by association, but true friends don’t care what other’s think and especially shouldn’t care whom they choose to love.
In fact, if you care what others think about you in any way, you will never be who you need to be in life. Stretch out your arms today and figure out when you decided to stop being you and conform in some harsh way to the world and society.
Today is the day to take back your authentic life!
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