Tag: attachment disorder

Living with Fear and Anxiety #selfcare #spiritualadvice #anxiousattachment #anxiety #psychology

When you have grown up in an atmosphere of abandonment and struggle, the neural pathways in your brain tend to get in protection mode, and stay there, even when it’s okay to come out of your shelter. Our brains are brilliant at protecting us from the dangers of bad intentions, ignorant adults, and abusive situations as children; but, can’t tell the difference—as adults—between good and bad input when we get older, especially, if the input appears to be packaged the same. In other words, certain inputs (even loving ones that appear to be similar to old, painful hurts) often trigger old anxiety. How do we deal with this?

Imagine this scenario. You have a computer problem. You cannot figure out what is wrong. Every time you press the “F Key” a warning signal comes up on the computer, like a time bomb, saying: PLEASE SHUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER, OR ALL OF YOUR DATA WILL BE ERASED!

None of us like to see this message or any message that tell us that something’s wrong with our computer devices. Because we are afraid to mess with what we don’t understand or what we can’t control. So, you take your computer into to be serviced. The technician discovers that the problem was hidden deep in your system folder. Some sneaky malware got downloaded into your system and hid far beneath the surface, just waiting for you to press that F Key.

The serviceman tells you that he can’t remove the malware without erasing your entire system. He can, however, let you press CONTROL F, every time you want to press the F Key. What do you do? Do you let him erase all of your content, or do you use the new “Control F key”?

This scenario is very similar to what happens in the brain when we have problems from the past infect the system hardware of our brain. We can probably erase the entirety of the brain with shock therapy, but we would be a different person with no memories. However, we can learn to press another key or tread lightly around the F Key and know what to expect when we press it, still maintaining the integrity of all of our memories and truths. This is a bandage, at best!

We can treat anxiety with truth, medication, and even hypnosis. But, the reality is, ATTACHMENT DISORDER is like that malware that will always co-abide with us while we are alive. It’s stuck in the neural pathways of our brain. The real peace that we have is learning to circumvent the trauma in our brain by, first, recognizing the problem, then finding ways to overcome the stress. Eventually, we replace old patterns with new ones, like pressing the CONTROL F.

Some of these ways of circumventing our anxiety are as follows:

  1. When you get triggered and find yourself in an emotional spiral going downward, get to a safe place to be alone. See if you can say an affirmation ALOUD that is undisputable truth for you. Then sit in the silence and feel what comes up. When negativity rises, let it surface, and observe it from a meditative place, instead of in your cognitive mind. Remember, the cognitive mind, is where the problem exists. Getting a perspective outside of the problem often relieves my anxiety.
  2. Don’t be afraid to take your medication. Sometimes, if you have allowed yourself to get too far into anxiety—sleep and medication will calm you enough to get back to a clear mind.
  3. Talk to a friend or a counselor. Sometimes, just vocalizing your issues helps you see that you are not in your past, but indeed in your present.
  4. Lastly, if you are in a situation that continually brings up your past issues and anxiety, you must extract yourself from that situation long enough to learn to deal with it. See a psychologist or therapist for the correct advice as to how to move forward. No one can live in anxiety very long without very harmful, long-term effects.

If you have anxiety issues, managing it is our best hope! Trust me, you can get to the place where you feel as if it has no power over you!

Finding_Authentic_Yo_Cover_for_Kindle

Today’s featured book is “Finding Authentic You.” It’s a book birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll love the 365 daily readings that will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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 Bo:Webimage

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: 

 

 

 

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“Safe” in Relationship #relationship #relationshipadvice

The word safe would be hard to define if you grew up with abuse and alcoholism, if you didn’t have parents, or you were rocked in a crib by a nurse, once, every four hours. In fact, safe may become “what you know” and not what makes you feel secure, especially in personal relationships. This substitution happens so many times with people who have had trauma in their past. They pick partners who mirror their past, instead of calm the fears of the past.

I have to ask myself the important questions about anyone I date, especially in the first month of dating:

1.) Are you truly happy, or are you trying to make sure someone else is happy?

2.) When this person leaves, do you feel safe in the departure?

3.) Is this someone who nurtures the best in you?

4.) Is this a person who brings out my anxiousness, because of his/her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Addiction, fears, mismanaged time, and a myriad of other small problems that cover up, but not settle, your anxiety?

Recently, I dated a man who was simply stunning to look at. He was loving, kind, compassionate, and seemed spiritual, as well. However, as we got to know each other (about a month into the budding relationship), I noticed signs that maybe I was being drawn into something that could make me slip into my own addiction: Anxious Attachment. One issue, for certain, that stuck out was that he was five years sober. Though five years is great, this doesn’t mean that his issues about addiction were resolved. In fact, it may mean that he is only beginning to work on his problems. This seemed to be the case with this man.

In the past, I have described Anxious Attachment disorder as resulting from the inability or unreliability of one or more of the parents to attach securely as a child. The result is an insecure feeling when the child gets involved with the opposite disorder or in any relationship that pushes that insecure button. So, in dating this man, I realized that I had begun to do what no one should ever do in relationship: I began to placate his many issues by trying to solve them and be a healthy helper.

When I asked the questions from above, I had to be very honest with myself. I was way more interested in “not hurting him or making his problems worsen” than I was trying to find a compatible partner. And, to be honest, I was more interested in thinking about what this man would look like on my arm, than I was thinking about how he felt in my heart.

We have to test the waters of relationship slowly. We can’t jump in headfirst and expect to get a proper perspective. This is why we date, initially. We need to see if character and poise accompany the person to whom we have an initial attraction. If problems start too soon, you will need that space to make a secure decision about whether to continue.

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Anxiout Attachment CoverUncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior CoverGLUTEN FREE COVER

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

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Why Couldn’t I Have Been Born into Wealth, and When Depression Strikes

As a poor kid growing up, the first few years of my life I lived in the lower middle class, sometimes having enough and sometimes not. I remember most times, three days before payday, we would have barley soup until there was money for more food. When I moved with my mother, my paradigm was switched to the project in tenth grade and living off of food stamps. I can tell you, my plea to God was often: “Why couldn’t I have been rich?”

Unfortunately, this is an attachment disorder to money. Because of being in need from a young age and never really having what I required for food or clothing, my anxiety level about having enough, in general, is attached to my subconscious for the long haul. Yes, attachment disorders are like herpes—they stay with you for life. The neural pathways that cause attachments are established at a young age and simply are a gut, super-conscious reaction to times when you feel as if you didn’t make enough money, the bills outweigh the income, or you simply don’t have enough to buy food.

These gut reactions supersede reason. They race to our minds before our deductive source has a chance to remind us: “Remember that check you’re getting next week? You’ll have enough for the bills.” Or “God has always provided for you in the past. You will pull through this!”

Even the best laid plans for the future can sometimes look bleak on a day when you simply wake up a little depressed. Perhaps you have a nagging headache or one of your muscles has been bothering you. This pain pulls you deeper into an ambiguous place where depression can catch you unaware.

“Are you taking your antidepressant?” That’s the first question I ask almost anyone who presents with these feelings. Often, clients and friends tell me that they wanted to “feel normal” so they stopped taking their medication for anxiety or low-grade depression. “Well, I simply was feeling okay. So, I decided to stop taking the meds,” is often what I hear.

You were feeling okay because you are ON your medication. That is why you have the temptation to stop the medication. Get back on a prescribed dosage of your medication, first, before you start freaking out about a current situation. It may be that your mind is slightly eschewed because of being off of your antidepressant.

When you get off of a medication like an antidepressant, your body slowly leeches out the medication from your brain, and often you will spiral down without you realizing it. I see this very often with clients. I’m not a physician. But you don’t have to be a physician to see the same symptom over and over again.

When I decide to taper off of a medication, this is called titrating from the mediation, then I always do it with a physician or a therapist. I make sure that when my body is completely replete of the medication that I am stable. You should do this too.

Unfortunately, if you are anything like me, you probably need to stay on a small dosage of your antidepressant for the rest of your life. Every time I have tried to get off of Selexa, I end up feeling slightly under the weather. I sense that life is fighting against me. I don’t have the will to fight back.

While on the medication, I get up feeling like life is on my side, most often. I would be remiss to tell you that, some days, I don’t feel like getting out of bed. That is just one of the problems with having a history of depression. You learn to cope. You learn to have people who will support you and help you to the forefront of your life. You keep people near you who will tell you, your spiritual truth, and stand you up, when you fall.

I hope this helps today, especially when the economy feels so unstable with the government taking baby steps to resolve big problems.

I published this questionnaire yesterday, but I’m going to do so again today, incase you didn’t have a chance to fill it out and send it back.

If you would do me a favor and copy the following portion of this blog to an email addressed to me: bosebastian5@gmail.com, then answer the questions, I would be very grateful.

The reason I’m asking is that out of the 40,000 people who read this a month, only one person made an order for an Mp3. This amazed me! Even with $7.00 off the original asking price from my storefront: www.shop.bosebastian.com, 99.99% of the readers didn’t care about things like meditation or gaining materials that would help them along with their spiritual practice. This is why I need to know what you need, before I spend $8500 on an interactive website:

________________________________ Copy from Here and send to bosebastian5@gmail.com
Questionaire

________Would you be interested in joining a study group that would meet one evening a week for a year to start a Year to Clear Challenge?

If so, what city do you live in? ________________________________

______If this meeting had a nominal fee or a collection for the charge of renting the space, would you still be interested?

_____If the blog expanded to an interactive website, would you be on board to participate if it were at no cost to you? Basically, this would mean getting a daily spiritual, mental or physical challenge.

______If I offered Tiers of membership, where the first tier would be free, the second, third and forth tiers would give you options to contact me for coaching advice on line, get free mp3s, and daily mp3 downloads to listen to on the way to work, would you be interested in paying for a tier beyond the free service?

______If I offered to create an MP3 download of each blog every day and send it to your cell phone via email, would that be a convenience you would enjoy, so that you could listen to it on the way to work or coming home from work in the car?

_____Is this convenience for which you would pay $5 a month?

_____If I offered a place in my web store to donate to this cause of spreading spiritual knowledge, would this be a better means of contributing via credit card?

______Lastly, would you rather not hear from me besides getting the daily blog? (It’s okay to be honest.)

COPY TO HERE….

_____________________________________________________________

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR PARTICIPATING. I REALLY DO APPRECIATE YOU. BO
______________________________
As a gift to my subscribers, I have made all purchases below ONLY $3.00. Prior to today, to buy something in my storefront, you had to go through many steps to get to Paypal. Now purchasing a Hypnosis MP3 or a Meditation Music, or a Kindle-formatted book is as easy as clicking on a button in the Shopping Cart that says Credit Card.

You simply pay, and within 24-hours, you get an e-mail with a link to your download.

I have items that can really help you in your spiritual growth:

  • Introduction to Meditation
  • Smoke Cessation mp3
  • Weight Loss mp3
  • Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
  • Insomnia mp3
  • Eternal Om mp3
  • Meditation Music mp3
  • Guide to Meditation mp3
  • Healing the Body mp3
  • And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.

Go to Storefront: www.shop.bosebastian.com

Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) in Early 2014. Thanks!

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