Tag: cheating

The Sex Sleuth—Part II ‪#‎thedownlow‬ ‪#‎marriedmen‬ ‪#‎sexualpredator‬ #cheaters

This Sleuth was a bad boy and has gained some INTEL from going undercover on a popular website for sexual predators, Craigslist.org. I’m not saying all people go to this site for sex. Many go to sell and advertise. But a part of this free site allows anyone to sign on, add a picture, and advertise almost any kind of sexual behavior in the Personals Section. No judgment here. I just want to understand a few things about married or committed men and their “down low” behavior, so that I don’t get stuck in this pattern again.

I made two posts to the Dating and Relationships section of the personals—Man seeks Man. First Post:
I sent one of the nicest pictures I have of myself. I said I was forthright, honest, and that I was looking to date or for relationship. Not one single person answered the ad.

Second Post:
I took a picture of my shirtless torso, cropped off my head, posted it under the casual encounters with this heading: Married Dude Looking.

I wrote in my profile: “Married dude only looking for other married dude, nsa (that means “no strings attached in the Internet dating world). Really don’t like doing this, but I’m really h##ny and I haven’t had sex with my wife in 5 years. Staying together cause of the kids. Here’s a pic of my body. Jock and fit and good looking. You be too. No smokers.”

I can’t even count how many men replied within minutes, saying, “I’m in the same boat. Let’s trade pictures and get together. Most were willing to send face pictures. Two of them went as far as setting up a time to meet and renting a hotel room. Each said he would pay for the room with cash, because I told each that my wife would know if I spent the money. We were on a budget.”

The guys who answered were normal, good-looking, businessmen, who were gay, but pretending that they were straight for the purpose of keeping up appearances. In my book about Authenticity, you can’t say you’re one thing and be another without someday getting caught, major anxiety, or having some kind of addiction to cover your stress of living two lives.

Married men on the down low is now happening in epidemic proportions. If you are married and your husband or partner or wife is acting in a guarded way, creating space in his/her life with long pauses, you may want to become suspicious. You should ask probing questions, such as, “Who was at the gym? What did you do for three hours? Do you ever hang out in the wet area? What kind of people frequent that area?”

If a man is taking extended absence from home time, he is probably using something like the gym as a sexual outlet. Gyms are breeding grounds for sexual misconduct. The YMCA, a family gym, has had to oust countless members over the years for unbecoming sexual behavior in the Jacuzzi, steam room, and sauna. You would never know these men were gay or bi-sexual in their normal lives, unless you were a sleuth. I have had a few partners have affairs, and I caught them each time. When I became suspicious, I checked emails, cell phones, and computers, and asked friends to check up on them. I believe that in a trusting, monogamous relationship, you should be completely transparent. When your partner starts getting texts and emails and phone calls that require an exit from the room, you better believe something suspicious is going on.

You know the first thing that happens when you go to therapy and one person in the monogamous couple cheats? If the cheater wants to stay in the relationship, he or she has to be open to complete transparency on the phone, computer, and with any questions about absence in time. However, I know someone who is a sex addict and uses his work computer to do his dirty work. Then, uses that excuse that he was at work, when he hooks-up. He could get fired at any moment if he got caught. Anyone could get fired who uses a work computer for sex, unless you own the business.

Most of these guys are executives and have the wherewithal to take off from work whenever they want. However, most of the dirty work happens on business trips. Almost everyone I know who has had an affair has done so while away from home in hotels and on the Internet. I even know of a married, very committed minister go away almost weekly for a job. One day he came back HIV positive and had to “out” himself to his wife and children to protect their health. He went as far as trying to go to sexual reorientation therapy to stay in his marriage. The entire time, though, he was having sex with men while away from home. He ended up divorced. Rarely, do those therapies work. Also, they are really against any Psychological Protocol. Gay is not a mental disease! You can’t find the behavior in any textbook as being a sickness. Also, straight people do the same things to their partners. But, that’s not my focus, right now.

So, if you are a wife busy with the kids and creating a healthy life for yourself, you would often never notice, especially, if your sexual life with your partner has become stale. Listen, I tell you this, because you are at risk when you have sex with a partner who is probably having unprotected sex. Married men are the stupidest when it comes to protecting themselves from disease. Most cheaters get caught because they bring home an STD.

I have known people who have had secret relationships for years without the other partner knowing, mostly because the cheater would make an appointment each week to have sex at home. I remember when I caught the cheaters in my life, those were the times I was being treated with the most respect and getting flowers and candy. Cheaters vet their prey and become involved with partners who have anxious attachment disorder, so that as they become avoidant, the person with whom they have the affair, becomes completely attached and wants to protect the one he or she loves from getting caught. Why? Because getting caught would mean that the relationship would end. An anxious attachment style does not want that to happen.

Be cautious and aware. That’s the advice of this Sex sleuth today!
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TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

Introduction to Meditation
Smoke Cessation mp3
Weight Loss mp3
Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
Insomnia mp3
Eternal Om mp3
Meditation Music mp3
Guide to Meditation mp3
Healing the Body mp3
And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

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New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
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Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One to Four Challenges:

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!

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Can You Cheat a Little, If No One Gets Hurt?

I did my quarterly taxes yesterday and was reminded of the message of a youth at church on Sunday. He said: “Is it okay to cheat a little, if no one is looking?” Who exactly is watching each of us as we fudge a little here, take a some pens and paper home from work, steal Sweet & Low from restaurants, and check out in the 15 and Under line when we know we have 20 items?

This is a great question for those who are looking to understand a little more about spiritual growth and accountability—not to God, your neighbors, or the government—but, to yourself. You see, you don’t really cheat anyone in this world, because most of it is simply and ego elusion. You don’t own 15 acres and have millions of dollars. You simply borrow it on time from the world. Everything in this universe is going away eventually, including your physical body. What you see around you is a scenario, perhaps, you built to help teach you important lessons about life.

Definitely, most equivocally, the most important lesson in life is to be honest and authentic about who you are, what you represent, and what you choose to gain from life. If you don’t know the answers to these questions, your first order of spiritual business is to begin a search your heart for answers.

Personally, I look at situations in life with a spiritual litmus test. If you don’t know what a litmus test is, it is a particular die that turns red for acid and blue for alkaline. Metaphorically, it means a test to be sure you are doing the right thing. I ask myself a few questions about things that confuse or befuddle me:

1. Am I doing what I do out of fear?
2. Am I doing what I do out of guilt?
3. Am I doing what I do for self-gain?
4. Am I making this choice out of spite?
5. Am I at peace with this decision?
6. What exactly would be gained or lost should I choose to do this?

All of these questions are pertinent in your discovery of authentic truth. Let’s take choosing the 15 and Under line when you have 20 items. We have to remember that nothing is as simple as black and white. If it were, there would be little to learn in lessons such as these. Let’s take the litmus test.

Question 1:) Yes, I think I might be late if I wait for the longer line. 2:) No. 3:) Yes, definitely. 4:) no. 5:) Yes, because no one is waiting in that line, and I wouldn’t be hurting anyone if I went to that line. 6:) I will be on time for an appointment, which helps me to be more considerate of someone else’s time.

So, you see, what may have looked like an easy answer, actually, turned out to be to do what looks wrong. I always ask myself another question: “Am I just programmed to believe that stepping over some boundaries is bad or will what I’m doing get me demerits with God?”

My answer to that question is that God is not keeping score. We are subconsciously keeping our tabulation on ourselves and it affects our self-esteem greatly if we don’t have answers to the questions that disturb us.

I think of Jesus breaking the Judaic law by healing the sick on the Sabbath. We can easily see that one law of love is greater than the pedantic law of the Sabbath. I believe that Jesus showed us over and over again that our relationship with ourselves and with God is dependent on having the heart of a child—open, transparent, and loving.
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Go to Week 3 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” 

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Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.

A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)

The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”

A Year to CLEAR Challenge!

The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.

My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.

As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.

The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.

The One-Year Approach to Change

No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.

Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”

In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.

Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.

Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!

Please follow and like us:
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