Tag: Co-narcissism

Teenage Meltdown: Trump Tantrum

I once saw a forty-year-old adult have a tantrum. She was so upset and distraught by things not going her way, she actually got on the floor, on her belly, and screamed as she pounded her fists alternately. It was the first time I had actually seen an adult or a president—like yesterday’s #Trump_tantrum— really lose it completely in public. We have all seen cartoons of this kind of behavior, but few of us have seen it in reality.

Psychologically, where does this kind of childlike behavior originate? Why is it still manifesting in adult form in so many people in authority positions, especially in adult males?

In Psychology Today, Joshua Gowin writes about tantrums:

When our lives are in danger, we have a built in response to mobilize our defense. The fight/flight response would naturally kick in if, on a hike in the mountains, you stumble upon a bear. The bear is processed in the brain as a potential threat to your survival, so within seconds your brain releases norepinephrine (also called noradrenaline), and within minutes a surge of cortisol will circulate through your body. These chemicals rapidly mobilize your body for energy utilization. You will release sugar into the blood stream for energy, your pupils will dilate to take in more information and your muscles will be ready to contract rapidly.

Temper tantrums are a version of the same response. Conflicts, such as a battle (over President Obama spying on you) may not be life-threatening, but it is a fight nonetheless. A tantrum also speeds the heart rate and is accompanied by bursts of norepinephrine and cortisol.

We know this happens periodically with children. What happens when the male who is running our country exhibits this behavior?

Continue reading below.

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Continued from Above:

The issue of getting angry is not the real problem here. The issue of allowing anyone’s anger to manifest in a public forum where the media can see and hear is when anxious Americans and leaders and people from around the globe look at Trump’s behavior and say, “My God, what is going to happen the World’s greatest country?”

Stephen A. Diamond, PhD, in an article “Anger Disorder and What Can We Do About It?” writes:

The most commonly used psychiatric diagnoses for aggressive, angry or violent behavior are Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Conduct Disorder (in children and adolescents), Psychotic Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Antisocial, Borderline, Paranoid and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Adjustment Disorder with Disturbance of Conduct, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. This latter diagnosis is an impulse control disorder characterized by repeated “failure to resist aggressive impulses…”

So, in the case of Trump_Tantrum 101, we see that Donald Trump’s Tweet-Syndrome may be his response to anger. He can’t resist it. Not Tweeting keeps him awake at night. The only sedation Trump can get from his anger is to lash out at someone on Twitter. Does this sound like a World Leader to you?

I’m completely disarmed by watching all of Trump’s behavior unfold in front of America. I’m even more worried when, as we get so concerned over the bad behavior that we miss what happens while and before and after the—such as 10 legal documents signed and ready to be expedited to congress. A lawyer friend posted this list of Bills set into motion Friday at the White House. This took my attention away from Trump_Tantrum 101 for a millisecond:

In case anyone got overly sidetracked by the Russian spy drama, the following bills HAVE been introduced:

  1. HR 861 Terminate the Environmental Protection Agency

  2. HR 610 Vouchers for Public Education

  3. HR 899 Terminate the Department of Education

  4. HJR 69 Repeal Rule Protecting Wildlife


  5. HR 370 Repeal Affordable Care Act


  6. HR 354 Defund Planned Parenthood


  7. HR 785 National Right to Work (this one ends unions)


  8. HR 83 Mobilizing Against Sanctuary Cities Bill


  9. HR 147 Criminalizing Abortion (“Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act”)

  10. HR 808 Sanctions against Iran
Please copy/paste and share widely.

Call your House Representative and ask them to not only vote “NO”…but to speak up for our rights, health & safety, and our beautiful country.

What I know about Narcissism and Childish Behavior is this:

  1. If you are in the same room with a narcissist, you will begin to feel as if you are crazy as well.
  2. If you let a narcissist control you, you will end up being a co-narcissist, which is almost as bad as being a narcissist.
  3. If you don’t walk away and let the narcissist destroy itself, you will somehow enable the very person you want to avoid or disarm.

Most therapists find treating narcissism a waste of time, because a great narcissist has many faces and can convince you that he has changed. When, in fact, the narcissist uses every tool in his arsenal to control everyone’s behavior around him—especially those he has appointed to be closest to him—no matter what he or she has to do to make this happen.

We have seen this in the President elect. Even two days before this past incredible outburst and tantrum (3-3-17), Trump acted maturely and almost empathetically at his address to Congress. Donald Trump is a chameleon and an actor. The people who have pressed in close to help him have all become co-narcissists and helpers that probably feel trapped.

At this point, the best we can all do is get out of the metaphoric room, stay attentive to and continue to fight against everything that is out of order, and let the Narcissist destroy himself!

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Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available.

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What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

 

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THE INNER BRAT: an unbalanced ego #egobalancing #spirituality #spiritualadvice #healthyego

If you have been following the last few blogs, I have been writing about the Ego. We have decided that the ego can be either healthy or unhealthy, balanced or imbalanced. One sign of an unhealthy ego is what the author and speaker, Christian de la Huerta calls “the inner brat.” I have called it in my writing the “inner child who always gets its way.”

You can recognize this part of your ego or in another person quite easily because it appears like the scenario below:

Child: “Mommy, mommy, I want this toy. Please mommy!”

Mother: “You have enough toys. Play with the ones you have already!”

Child: Begins to whimper. “But I want Thomas the Train.”

Mother: “Sorry, not today.” She speaks quietly because they are in Macys.

Child: Crying now. Sits in the middle of the department store floor and won’t budge.

Mother: Tries to get the child to come with her, nicely.

Child: Resists. Begins to rant. “I want Thomas the train now! I want Thomas the train! Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!”

Mother: Now embarrassed because the child is acting out in a large crowd, takes the toy from the shelf and shoves it in the child’s hand.

Child: Immediately stops crying and smirks…

When a child consistently gets what he or she wants, that child learns to control people by bad behavior. The parent loses control. Every in the room becomes controlled by this bad behavior.

That same child can exist in all of us. For those of us who have not dealt with that imbalance in our lives, we may still have that “inner brat” that won’t accept no for an answer from anyone. When we accept this imbalance as this is just me and I can’t help it, then we admit we have no control over ourselves. We may have learned to control others. But, what is more important: self-control, or the ability to manipulate others?

If you experience this feeling about to erupt, you can do yourself a big favor by stepping back from the situation and asking yourself a few probing questions:

  1. What am I missing here?
  2. Is there a delicate lesson to be learned by me not getting what I want?
  3. What will I be if I let go of this feeling?

Of course, you cannot get to this problem if your pulse is pounding out of your chest and your face is flushed. Before you ask the questions, you must take consistent breaths, with your inhales and exhales equal in length and longer than normal. This, of course, will lower your blood pressure and move your body toward a calmer state, so that you can adjust your mental state to more of an observer than one who is actively in the problem and unable to solve anything.

The “inner brat” can be a challenging imbalance, especially if you have allowed it to exist in your for a long time. When I child gets what he or she wants, it only satisfies that current need. Begin to realize that getting what you want right now, in this moment, may be satisfying, but it never challenges you to become a better, more balanced person. The child never learns his lesson that not everything in life is meant for us at any given moment.

Ask yourself this important question: Do you want to appear to your friends and family as that child in Macy’s? If you don’t, begin the process of letting go of the need to control everyone and get everything you desire in the moment you desire it.

Life comes to all of us as we accept the present as the perfect moment, in the perfect time, as peace and love.

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This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 8.42.10 AM

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in April  or May of 2016!

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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…cropped-cropped-6009Color1001.jpg

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

 

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Married to the Law #effectivechange #trashingoldbeliefs #narcissism #conarcissim

Have you ever known a person who simply will not divert from a proposed set of laws he or she has made in his/her mind—probably put their by religion, society, or, mostly likely, their own sense of self-hate? Usually, these same people are apt to judge everyone else around them for not following the laws they have superimposed upon themselves. How do you get out of this negative, judgmental and prejudiced paradigm, should you discover that another has set you on this path?

Sharon had a mother who was a narcissist. Her mother never allowed Sharon an opinion in life. Once, when Sharon was a child, her mother let her pick out her own Christmas dress. Sharon picked out the prettiest, pink, flowery dress she could find, of course. This dress didn’t look a bit Christmas-like. As a result, when Sharon went to church in this beautiful dress, all proud and feeling beautiful, her mother said to almost everyone she met that morning, “I let my daughter pick out her own awful dress. This is what happens when you let an eight year old make her own decisions!”

Sharon admits, that from that point on, to gain her mother’s approval, she followed every rule that her mother doled out, including with it her mother’s views about politics, prejudices, and social protocol. This is called becoming a Co-narcissist. To have a narcissist, you must also have someone who allows the behavior to exist. Without realizing it, Sharon propagated, as an adult who barely even liked her mother, some of those same beliefs. Sharon asked me, “How do I get rid of these old believes from this hateful woman, who had long since passed away?”

Just recognizing that her beliefs were wrong for her was the first good choice Sharon had made. She, then, had to become the observer of her own mind and thoughts and, literally, cast down ideas that no longer served her. An example: Sharon’s first impulse when she sees a woman at the mall wearing white shoes and a brown belt is to think, oh my Lord, has that woman got any sense at all. Doesn’t she know her belt is supposed to match her shoes? And it’s summer. In the South, we don’t wear white after Labor Day!”

Sharon must first feel her mother’s superimposed thought and see that it is not her own. It was simply programmed into her mind. Sharon says to herself, “I don’t know if this woman is too poor or has ever been taught southern manners. It is not up to me to judge her with my beliefs. I don’t know this woman or her circumstances in life. Maybe she doesn’t have the money to buy something different.” So, feeling her truth and using her deductive mind to reason with the negative belief, is the first way to change an old pattern.

Second, she could use an EFT technique (Emotional Freedom Technique) that helps incorporate new belief into the body’s mainframe computer. The technique involves tapping a specific part of your body while you state your new outlook on life—out loud. Since this is a heart matter, I would suggest, as you repeat your new truth, tap your chest with your fingertips. This is also a Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique that changes neural pathways in your mind as they are triggered.

The last thing to do is to thank yourself for your new outlook. We often forget that underneath our grown-up appearance, a small child exists inside of all of us, who needs our parental advice now and again. This child also desperately could use the encouragement that you never received from your own parent. So, it’s a good thing to reward your self for great, new behavior. To this day, when I set out to do any goal, I always add to my goal a reward, so that I know accomplishment has a golden pot at the end of its path. What a wonderful way to say thank you to yourself and to Spirit for a change you know will take time and much diligence.

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[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

Billy Ray's Secret Cover

This book is about loving yourself, no matter what your childhood looked like. You are a beautiful creation, worthy of good things, as Billy Ray eventually realizes, after his preacher father is imprisoned for killing his mother’s boyfriend, the county’s high school football star quarterback!

 

 

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