Tag: coming out of the closet

A Day to Celebrate!

Today, I celebrate my marriage with my Florida friends and family. This is a day celebrating not only my marriage but the marriage of every diverse couple now married—from famous couples now able to come out of the closet to the guys next door who had to live in separate homes to protect themselves from getting fired from their jobs.

My husband and I (still getting used to saying those words) decided to do the celebration in two parts: once in Florida, then a month after in Nashville, where the majority of my friends live. Besides the feelings of joy, I cannot help thinking about how long I have waited to be able to feel as if I have the same rights as every straight person, or person pretending to be straight. It’s an honor, privilege, and a victory that has taken my entire lifetime to see and to finally experience.

Forty-five years ago, I remember a time when I was curious about what gay meant. I looked in the only book I could find that would dare to define it: The Joy of Sex. The definition of gay went something like this, as it is no longer in print and has retracted all of its old, negative and unrealistic ideas about homosexuality: “Homosexuals often meet in mall restrooms, passing notes to each other under the stalls to meet and then have sex in the stall.” Again, I apologize for not getting the words perfectly, but this is what my young mind took from the definition from that book.

 

At 16, I decided to see if I could meet one of these “homosexuals.” I got to the restroom, my heart pounding in my throat. Each step I took forward felt as if I wanted to run ten steps away. Yet, I needed to know who I was and what I felt inside so badly that I proceeded.

 

I sat in the stall with my pants down, as the book said and waited. Indeed, someone did put his hand under the stall. I thought to myself, I don’t even know what this guy looks like. Am I supposed to be attracted to him simply because he’s gay, like me?

 

The man in the next stall made a few grunting sounds and pushed his foot under the stall to touch mine. That’s when I decided to get the hell out of there. As I pulled my pants up, I guess the guy thought I wanted to go somewhere with him. Out from the stall next to mine appeared a very disheveled, old man with a few teeth and looking as if he had crawled out from a cave. He grinned. I felt vomit in the back of my throat as I literally ran for my car.

For the next year, I would not even think about being gay. It would never be a choice for me, if what I experienced in that stall was what gay was.

Fortunately, for me, I had gotten a scholarship to the Governor’s School for the Performing Arts the next year, when I was in 11th grade, which gave me a more realistic view of what gay was. I met not just one, but about 20 guys that could help me destroy the old images in my head about what I was, so that I could rebuild a healthier image of myself and the word gay for the years to come.

So, we come to this day. After so many failed attempts at a lasting relationship—some wonderful for a long time, some rather horrible from beginning to end—I stand next to the man who looks at me in my eyes and says, “I’ll never leave your side. I’ll love you until the day you die. You’re my best friend, my love, my soulmate!”

The transparency that is between us is beyond any definition of “gay” relationship. What we have is simply a sound relationship, built on love, truth, and a mutual respect for all things, including spirituality and artistic expression.

Today I celebrate the man with whom I have chosen to spend the rest of my life, David Menton. He is my love, my best friend, my spiritual guide, my helpmate, my support system, my security blanket, and my partner in the truest sense of the word.

I quote Kahlil Gibran today on Marriage:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 

 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

 

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

 

 

GIVING AND RECEIVING IN LIFE IS OFTEN DIFFICULT. I have been giving from my heart about 2-3 hours a day for 7 years to create advice–spirit, mind and body for millions of readers. Recently, I have been led to ask people to give back as a way for me to learn how to receive.

As a tribute to my belief that “prosperity is all around us, should we choose to receive,” I want to invite those of you who want to send an offering for the joy or advice you have received from Finding Authentic You Blog.

“We must give to receive, always. This is the Law of Reciprocity.”

If you would like to participate in giving to the gift of this blog: Please send all checks, money orders, or credit card requests to:

Bo Sebastian, c/o Finding Authentic You Enterprises,
117 Lake Emerald Drive #108
Oakland Park, FL 33309

Thank you for your gift!

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If you buy a copy of my book: FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU and send me the receipt, I will send you

A FREE HYPONSIS MP3 TO HELP YOU DURING TIMES OF PAIN. SEND THE RECEIPT TO bosebastian5@gmail.com and I’ll send the Mp3 within the week, I promise.

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available.

[IF YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS POST, PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS USING ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE SOCIAL MEDIA ICONS ON THE SIDE PANEL OR IN A POP UP MENU AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE! THANKS SO MUCH, BO.]

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What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493
(Sessions CAN BE DONE via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books!

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

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Coming soon, my partner David Menton and I are planning to start a Vlog with Vegetable Based enriched recipes from my plethora of fun and easy ways to make food taste amazing. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

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Capitalizing on Truth #authenticyou #outofthecloset #tellthetruth

We live in a world where truth has more meanings than the word love. Truth may be telling someone what they want to hear, what you think they can handle, or your version of the truth. Most often, though, what we hear from even our closest friends is a modified version of truth, filtered by many aspects of our humanness—fear, compassion, and avoidance. This happens most often in the news when political sides eschew even the minor issues. Where can we find honesty in this world?

When we live in the fear of people finding out we are gay, of a political persuasion, spiritual, or even partake of the occasional use of pot, we must reduce our words to half-truths and live from an unauthentic place. Who has the energy for that kind of life, in hiding, concocting new version of truth on the fly for each individual in your life and for different reasons? This is a no-brainer.

“Tell the truth and tell it fast!” is one of my favorite sayings of late. But, displaying your truth for the world to see, like anything in life, takes practice and a cavalier soul. You must be unwilling to hide any aspect of your life. This kind of moxie usually comes from years of letting people judge you, living in an enclosed box, and suddenly finally realizing that who you are is righteous, perfect, and even one of the vast parts of God, no matter what your nature. God is all in all. You are fine and beautiful exactly the way you are right now.

Being truthful doesn’t mean that you have nowhere to grow. Of course, we all have a spiritual path on earth that may take our entire physical lives to reach. So, our version of the truth will change. Our thoughts about life will alter during the course of our life. But, that doesn’t mean we should deny our truth in the moment. What you feel, what you express unabashedly, and what you think is pertinent matters. Not everyone needs to know your opinion and be obstructed by it. Your opinion is yours.

I’ve learned that since my opinions often change, proclaiming them at the top of a mountain may not be to my advantage. Often, I take the bits of truth I learn daily and tuck them into my heart, knowing that eventually some solid truth will raise to the surface. In other words, you don’t have to know everything to have truth or to wear it proudly. You simply have to be honest with yourself and with others. Being authentic is always the prize!

Often, the best answer to a question is: I just don’t know—yet!

 Picture of Learning AloneGLUTEN FREE COVERAnxious Attachment Picture

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian 

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

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Limitless Self-Worth with Surrender

A friend sent a link to a blog about a straight man’s story discovering his dear friend and brother was gay. Instead of feeling compassion, I became antsy and frustrated while reading.

The story was based on a small town’s point of view about acute differences (race, weight, sexuality, finances, clothes). Small town, small minded—I believe I understood the premise and the metaphor.

The author talked of his brother having no friends, though, and being in the closet, because of the few people his brother confessed to had rejected him. So the gay man decided not to tell anyone else.

At this point, I understood my dilemma. The gay man wasn’t living up to his Authentic Self. I couldn’t find compassion for him, because the gay man hid from the person he was and wanted to be. How could he expect anyone to love him when he hated himself?

If you are gay, bisexual, or different in some way, you can’t expect any of us to love you and your differences if you don’t fully accept yourself. Start from here.

I understand that some people have religious beliefs that cause a major block to accepting themselves. But, I’ll tell you, there is not an ethical psychology book that even suggests that being gay or bisexual is a choice. In fact, plenty of theories exist that being gay may be genetic. So, just release yourself from that old story now!

If you still have a problem with believing that God is upset with you for being the human he created, you need a different approach to spirituality and a new face for God. What compassionate human parent would throw away a child because she was different? Certainly, we can attribute more compassion to an all-loving God.

The other problem with the story about the gay man was that I actually can understand the premise of friends rejecting you on the basis that you had been lying to them for a long time about your sexuality. Lies, in my book, are huge and relate to trust issues. If I can’t trust a friend, he simply isn’t my friend.

Sometimes being abandoned by a friend or family member is not because you are gay. The friend may release you because he or she doesn’t know who you are now—as you have been hiding your true self from him/her for so long.

There are two sides to the coming out story. The person making the change and finally having the courage to come out is responsible for having compassion for those whom he tells. I’m not saying you shouldn’t expect respect from parents and family members, who have a certain sense of fairness and the need to accept you built in to the familial process. However, in friendship, you can’t expect that same premise.

Friendship is based on trust and knowing someone intimately. If I had a friend who was straight for a long time and suddenly decided he would finally tell me he was gay—even though I may have suspected—I may be a bit put off by him. As someone with a lot of compassion about this particular situation, I would certainly not reject the friend, but encourage him to find himself. However, not everyone is as understanding.

If you tell a friend about a change in your life, such as: “I’ve decided I’m going to have a sex change. I really want to be a woman!” Can you expect that old friend to not be befuddled and confused?

You may think: “But I knew you. I undressed in front of you. I feel lied to.” Those are probably the feelings you should expect with your truth. I would feel fortunate if the person understood. If he or she didn’t, I’d simply have to move on and find someone who did love me for who I am. This is the hardcore truth of love and friendship. A hard lesson, yes, but a good one!

When you surrender to what is, accept what is, and move on from your dilemma—intelligently and with respect for yourself—you gain an unlimited amount of Self-Worth, no matter what the situation or change in your life.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. FOR COMMENTS: Go to the Bo Sebastian link under the title and there is a place there to create a comment. Thanks.

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