Tag: control

Point of View—Does someone have to be Right or Wrong?

We live a life where everyone sees what’s happening from a point of view that he or she shares with no one else. It’s one absolute camera angle that could only be seen if you were a movie director and shared your point of view through that lens. Otherwise, even if you tell me your point of view, my level of understanding is met with an eschewed point of view. Why? I’ll never be able to see it from your angle and where the sun happens to hit you at the time.

Yet, we expect people to act in accord with us all the time. We expect our friends and husbands and wives to know what we’re thinking. We expect employees and bosses to understand exactly what we explain without further details. Most of us do so with a minimal amount of disdain, as we feel one time is enough to explain.

As a teacher of many pupils over the years: No one learns anything after being told one time unless they are absolutely ready to learn the principle or idea.

Often you tell a person the same thing over and over again until they have an opportunity to experience the same situation on his or her own. When that happens, they get a similar—but not the same—point of view as yours. Again, eschewed and lit in a different way with a different cast of characters.

Let’s take this topic to the political arena, which we are in knee deep. I watched CNN last night. A newscaster interviewed a Trump supporter. He asked her a few questions about her undying support. She said firmly and with unadulterated frankness: “We don’t care what the news says. We believe our president. We believe that the Democrats are making up stories to ruin his presidency.”

The newscaster responded: “But what about news that is definitely facts?”

She responded, “We believe that your facts are not facts at all. You are the problem.”

In that moment, the question that I had been asking myself for 6 months about the blind faith for a president that has done everything to contradict his own words hundreds of times is now understood. This was my moment in time to understand through my own lens.

“We are right. You are wrong. Nothing you say sticks to me…” whatever that old saying was we said to each other on the school bus and we’re saying it now, acting like children needing and wanting our way.

So, what about point of view? Can we have one without allowing another person to have his or her own point of view? Not really.

Have you ever seen how many different results students get on a Algebra or Trigonometry test? Yes, we all have different ways of processing information. Some of us are followers. Some of us are leaders. Some of us fit in the middle somewhere. Trust me, most of the student above will get the answer incorrect. Each will have deducted it in a certain way to feel their truth is correct. Some will quit trying half way through and decide they will never be smart enough to get it on their own. For these people will certainly become followers.

However, without a doubt, there is a right answer to the Algebra question. When in life, there is not always a clear-cut answer. However, there are facts that can’t be disputed, unless you choose to not even observe or look at them. Unless you decide somewhere in life that some people (rich and famous) must be smarter than you and deserve your respect and undeniable confidence. This is what I believe is happening in the U.S. today.

Plenty of facts exist. They are plain, exact truths. They are not even up for dispute. Pictures exist. Tapes exist. Film exists. Manuscripts and emails are stored and recaptured. This is irrefutable evidence, in my estimation. So, the only way citizens can deny or not respect facts is if they are not presented to them. With FOX news, for instance, who only reports the parts of the news they want their sheep to hear.

Disturbing, yes. But we can deny the person who has faith in FOX the right to a personal belief? This is the US of A. Our constitution is based on the right to have different opinions.

I expect people to be okay with my gay marriage, even though they have been brought up some 70-90 years with religious values that say I’m going to hell. The only way I can deal with their indifference is to respect myself enough to have an opinion that I have checked out, investigated from several sources, and believe to be true. I can’t worry about anyone else’s point of view at this point.

My Truth leads my life.

What we can be praying about is that more people come to understand the truth. People who watch just Fox News are like the people in Russia who have to watch all Russian-owned television stations. Everything Russian citizens see is probably filled with propaganda. Cuba was similar when it wouldn’t let its citizens have Internet. If we can keep enough people ignorant and not thinking for themselves, leaders like Trump, Putin, Castro and Kim Jong-un will find it even easier to lie to and control the sheep who are so destined for the slaughter.

So, if you don’t want to be controlled, don’t listen to just one source of news. Do your fact checking. Don’t be afraid to be wrong. I’m wrong about something every day. Does it make me a bad person? Absolutely not. It makes me wiser every day to find out something I didn’t know before.

I hope you can not only see my point of view, but learn to adopt some of this same attitude. It has helped me to become more peaceful in the face of such corruption and chaos in the world.

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Fixing What’s Not Wrong— #OCD

Have you ever met someone who finds a problem with almost everything you do? From the moment you walk in the door, she’s telling you how she wants you to act, where to sit, what to talk about, and completely dissects everything you say, so you end up feeling as if you are walking on eggshells? You may often feel as if you don’t have the energy to be around that person, when you deal with a hard time in your own life. Have you considered that this friend or partner may be dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Sometimes, letting go of the smallest of issues is hard for people who have a diagnosis of OCD. This problem affects rationale and causes anxiety, involving both obsessions and compulsions that take a lot of time and get in the way of important relationships and activities. You may have seen the television show Monk. Monk was the extreme OCD patient, unable to touch anything without gloves. Things had to be in perfect order, or he would have to stop everything he was doing and fix the painting slightly tilted at a 2-degree angle.

OCD doesn’t often take such a strong hold of someone’s life, such as the character Monk. This disease often affects people in smaller degrees. It may present as a way to take control of minor issues to keep from looking at past pain or fear. For someone such as this, you will notice lots of order around the house. Specific articles have to be just properly placed, or conversations are radically dissected, with the OCD person usually trying to discern what each word in your sentence means. In any of these instances, the OCD person is trying to control behavior to keep from being activated by his/her own issues.

Often, we may have thought that a friend or relative is simply controlling, when the truth is, he or she may simply have OCD. If this is the case, then you do have to do some managing to be safe in this relationship. But, the managing you have to do is in your own perception and in deciding just how far you’ll walk with that person into that diagnosis.

I have had two partners with severe OCD. One was more compulsive than the other. Partner One would check to see if his car was locked three or four times a night. If some article were on sale at a store, he would buy 10 of the product to make sure he had enough. Then, once he got home, wonder if he had bought enough. Often, he would go back out and buy more. Yet, his room was in such disarray, I had to keep the door shut.

Partner Two had both compulsive and obsessive problems. He was the picture perfect OCD patient. The bedspread and bed pillows had to be placed exactly in order every morning. The toilet paper had to be facing in a particular direction. If he bought something to hang on the wall, he would eventually go out and buy something for the other side of the room, so that it balanced in his mind. His closet looked like an army sergeant had ordered him to color code it. Underneath every bed in the house were paintings he simply had to have because of the sale price, yet space on the wall did not exist. His house had more knickknacks than a home goods store. Yet, at the beginning of both of these relationships, I didn’t see these signs. In fact, the newness of the relationship kept Partners One and Two so preoccupied that neither showed signs until they were comfortable enough. Unfortunately for me, I had fallen in love by that time.

We wonder why anyone gets to the place in life where he or she has to control small aspects of life in such extreme ways. But we don’t have to look too far to see that these people have had hard lives and, by taking control of the small things, sometimes peace returns to their minds. So, when a friend or relative or intimate partner wants to control the tiny things in your life, you can have a modicum of compassion. However, for me, I had to draw a line in the sand with both of my OCD partners and with friends who try to control my smallest behaviors.

For someone who has OCD and is trying to attract more close friends or, maybe, even begin a relationship with an intimate partner, you must realize that your controlling behavior impacts everyone around you. Friends will feel as if they are walking on eggshells around you. You have to realize that treading lightly takes more energy than most friends want to give. Even the most compassionate of friends has to draw the line somewhere.

What you often find in friendships with an OCD person is that, if you acquiesce to the small things, that same friend will begin to dissect even smaller things. As the friend, you have to find a space where you can feel safe in the relationship. This can be hard to maneuver. Eventually, in both relationships, the OCD got too much for me and I moved on.

I know this sounds harsh, especially for the person with OCD, who has probably pushed away countless good friendships and feels horrible about it. People with this problem understand that it’s difficult to be around them. If they don’t, they are likely to spend the rest of their lives lonely and going from one friendship to the next looking for a safe place to land.

My advice, after spending four years dealing with this situation on a day-to-day basis is to be honest about what bugs you. Try to find a common ground of understanding. Ask the person with whom you love to cut you some slack in certain situations, especially when you need special care or are frightened. I noticed that these partners are quite compassionate when they are not activated by their own issues. So, if you are more transparent about what you need, often, your problem takes their mind off of the small issues that upset them.

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A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]




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Plant the Seed, Water It with Love, and Let God Do the Rest

Yesterday, I got caught up in expectation and results. I woke up, sat on the end of my almost new bed, and the frame broke, probably from the bad job of rebuilding it by the movers. I took my dog Coco to PetsMart. He stepped on the emergency brake in the car. Immediately, my brake light went on and wouldn’t go off. I ate popcorn and chipped my back tooth, leaving a very rough edge on my tongue. And a dude that I really liked and thought liked me back, texted me first thing that morning and said that someone from his past came back into his life, so he couldn’t see me anymore. The entire day, even the pouring down rain, cast a negative hue on my outlook of life.

I’m learning quicker, now, to seek the help of friends and therapists in my life when I need a swift kick in the butt or a nudge of encouragement. I wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong, but I did reach out to two friends. One of them called me back on his first break and listened to my moaning, before he shared his insight. He said, “Bo, you can only plant your seed and water it a bit; then, God has to do the rest. You cannot be responsible for all of what happens around you. Only God can!”

This was brilliant advice. Added to that, I have been reading a book called The Art of Uncertainty by Dennis Merritt Jones. In the book, Jones says that the first step of learning to love life in this “Earth School” is to begin to enjoy the uncertainty of the future. This, of course, kind of stuck in my craw, because I like to know or to plan my future, as most of us do. But, I realized, that the lesson of this book is much the same as the lesson of the day. If I could have controlled all of my life, I probably wouldn’t be sitting in the place I am now—in a new city, in a new apartment, by the ocean, and living my authentic dream.

When we control life, it seems we live in the same circular pattern, moving round and round in the space that is comfortable, never venturing off into the unknown. What pushes us into paths untraveled, however, are the subtle nudges—or sometimes huge pushes—of Spirit in ways unfathomable.

Today, try to let go of the results of whatever you’ve set out to do. You have only one duty: do what you intend! After that, leave the rest to God. You don’t know if that audition is about meeting someone wonderful or actually getting the show. You don’t know if that job interview is about someone else learning a lesson. You simply know your part in this Earth’s School. That’s it. All the rest is a mystery. What you need to know, will be revealed!

Dennis Merritt Jones also says in his book that living life with uncertainty is similar to reading a page-turner novel, never knowing what will happen next. Even at the end of a great page-turner, you should be surprised with an unexpected result. If you enjoy a good read like this or a movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat, then try learning to live life in this same way, could turn out to be an exciting adventure!


Fatal Virtues Cover

This is a page-turning novel that will keep you guessing until the end, about a female mafia in Pittsburgh and their black sheep District Attorney niece who seeks to get to the bottom of rumors about her family and their famous restaurant Trattoria.

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]



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