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Fun Control

I watched a show tonight about the proclivity of children who actively play video games with violence at a young age with psychological disorder. The psychologist suggests that they could very much be at risk for causing occurrences like what happened recently in New Town, Connecticut.

In 1983, the summer after my first year in college, a took my first very long vacation to two places: New Town, Connecticut and Bronx, New York to visit two college friends. My trip to New Town was an interesting one. The father of the girl I was visiting happened to have come out of the closet (at a time when it wasn’t cool at all to come out) as a gay man to his family that year, but was still living under the same roof. I remember something very clearly about my first evening there. The mother of my friend said to her husband, “There will be no playing around with our guest!” Even though, they left me alone with him after everyone went to sleep.

I was really taken aback by that comment, because her husband was about 25 years older than I. Also, I wouldn’t have imagined doing something so uncouth in the home of my friend. That aside, I remembered the small town and its quaint beauty. Most of the people in that town were upper middle class to wealthy people. I’d imagine that a disaster of this nature was nothing that anyone living there ever expected.

But gun and bullet control is something that affects all of us. I heard a story last night on the news that some schools were planning to license all the teachers to carry guns. I thought, how ridiculous can we get? This would cause accidental shootings, theft of teacher’s guns, probably more mayhem than any one acting on this premise can imagine.

I go back to the title of my blog: Fun Control—obviously a play on words. Is there really any fun to a game that shoots hundreds of people and leaves them dead in the wake of your demolition? I can’t imagine letting my child play any such game. But I also don’t have the testosterone most males have who go out and shoot for sport.

Hunting never has made sense to me since the first time my brother took me out hunting. I tucked the 22 rifle under my arm securely, as I was taught, and aimed at a bird in a tree. When I pulled the trigger, I never expected to see this beautiful creature explode in front of me for no earthly reason, but for my explicit pleasure.

I cried so hard my brother had to take me home. No more hunting for young Bo. The licensing fee for me was lost that year.

I swerved in the car today and almost wrecked trying to save a squirrel. I catch flies in the house with my hands and take them outside. For most of my life I have been a vegetarian..

Take a child to a farm and ask that child to watch the slaying of an animal. Then afterwards have that same animal for dinner that evening. Your child will be traumatized and probably won’t eat meat for a while. In fact, when you ask most meat eaters, they would prefer not to talk about how what they are eating has been killed. It just isn’t a pleasant thought.

When we take this thought for an innocent animal and exponentially multiply it by thousands, we finally get to what it might feel like to kill another human being. Yet, we scorch the minds of our youth with videos and killing games that make them numb to the idea that killing doesn’t have a cause or effect. It’s just a game, we say.

Is gun control actually fun control? It’s for us to decide. I think we need to start deciding now.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and LifeCoach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. Your connection to me blesses me in everyway possible. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN atBosebastian5@gmail.com; or find me at www.bosebastian.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon, just by typing my name in the header.

FRIENDS: CLICK ON THE <> BUTTON TO VOTE, LIKE, COMMENT OR SHARE… Thanks, Bo.

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Four Steps to See if You’re Ready for a Relationship

1. Is there room in your life for another person?

2. Have you finished forgiving the last relationship in your life?

3. Are you ready emotionally to share an intimate part of your life with someone            else?

4. Can you make someone else a priority in your life?

Let’s start with number one. Is there room in your life? I know a gal who is still married to her husband, but living in a different room—part of the house, because of their children. They are legally divorced, but financially very dependent for the sake of the children and for time constraints. She wants to move on and is ready, but what exactly in her life says that she has room for another human being in her life?

If you want the universe to see that you are ready for a real relationship, you must make the space for this special person first. It’s like getting pregnant and forgetting to make space for the new baby. Most people prepare a room for the new child, decorated according to the gender. Then they put all the things one would need for a baby in the room. When the baby comes, they are prepared. You have to make room for it first!

Step Two: If Forgiveness from the last relationship hasn’t happened at the core of your being, then it’s going to come back up to bite you in the ass in your new relationship. Let me tell you that your new partner will take the shape and form of your old relationship, because you haven’t learned the very important lesson you needed to learn from the last relationship. Grieve, hit a punching bag, take a course in Forgiveness, but get it out before you bring your hate into another relationship.

Step Three: Emotional Readiness. Only you can know that you have had enough time to be with yourself and your emotions after a long or short relationship. It could have been a death, a divorce, or simply a parting of ways, but all endings translate to death in our minds. There is a grieving that must take place and a period of time that our hearts need to heal before we can move on.

A sure sign of healing is when you start to desire to meet new people. If you are sulking in your house and don’t want to get out, you are probably still in the grieving stage. Some people take years to get over a lost love. Of course, that being said, sometimes they need a little push to get out of that slump too. But mostly, you know in your heart when you are ready, and no counselor or therapist can really tell you when your heart is ready.

Lastly, prioritizing for another person. Most people don’t know the statistics about this. But it is true that in relationship that with children, the marital relationship should take priority. It is very important to establish a healthy balance with your children in your own love life, so that they can see that they don’t control you or your love for someone else. Almost every psychological study shows that this is true for all family relationships.

This prioritizing may also include taking time from work to make the person in your life feel like he or she is worth your attention. One thing is for certain, in an intimate relationship, you should feel—and have the right to feel—that you are the most important person to that individual. Everyone deserves that right in relationship. If you don’t have that, then you aren’t in a secure relationship.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and LifeCoach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. Your connection to me blesses me in everyway possible. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN atBosebastian5@gmail.com; or find me at www.bosebastian.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon, just by typing my name in the header.

FRIENDS: CLICK ON THE <<MORE>> BUTTON TO VOTE, LIKE, COMMENT OR SHARE… Thanks, Bo.

 

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Expect the Unexpected

If your happiness is based on the expectation of what MAY happen, then you are basing your joy on the future. The future hasn’t happened and is subject to change, so the likelihood of your happiness getting derailed is actually fairly large.

I’ve been in this position a lot in my life. I remember a time—well a few times—when I have been at the precipice of something big either in publishing, theater, or music. Everything looked like I was going to land a big contract. I banked on the hope of what was coming because of the expectation that was offered me through agents, managers, and friends. Then, what happened was just the opposite. You can become a pessimist from opportunity knocking too often and then slamming the door in your face. I know, for sure.

But the truth is that when opportunity knocks it is just opportunity. The actuality of the prize ahead is not what has been offered. So, if you are used to getting ahead of yourself, you will find that you may always be a little disappointed with life. The process of big things happening is usually slow and unexpected.

Opportunity is a clear indicator that you are headed in the right direction though. When I would get out of my funk about not getting that much-deserved contract, I would allow myself the thought that, at least, I was being considered for something grand. Not everyone gets considered for big things in life. That’s a win, too.

I had a client recently who had been looking for a job for about six months. She has been getting overly anxious about finding one, especially in this market and at Christmas. When life places opportunity at your doorstep, the best you can be is ready for it. So, the two things you can do to get ready are to be practiced and on point when the opportunity for what you do comes along. And be on the hunt on-line and moving from place to place meeting new people.

If you’re an artist, paint those paintings. If you’re a singer, have that demo ready. If you’re an actor, make sure you have a great audition ready, great pics and résumé, and maybe even an EPK (electronic press kit). If you are looking for a job in other fields, in this market a résumé and cover letter are everything. If the cover letter is not sleek and short and to the point, it will be tossed. If your résumé isn’t in the perfect font, neatly done, edited to the place where there are absolutely no extra words, than it will be tossed as well.

In this day and age there are always 500-1000 people looking for the same job. You have to be on the cutting edge and bringing something special to the table to get noticed. As a professional writer the first thing you are taught is what font, character spacing, and presentation of your work you should use. Publishers know when a novice doesn’t know what he/she is doing. There are 500 people who do know what they are doing, so why waste valuable time reading something that is formatted incorrectly? Most publishers won’t.

Christmas time is a time of expectation. We want lists of things. We want our partners to treat us special. We want eggnog and hot cider around a tree of carolers. We want dancing colored lights to gaily caress us as we waltz through the holiday season.

The truth, though, is that we should be happy with the small things and expect little. If more is given, the happier you’ll be. Today I had a few surprise presents and cards and phone calls. I hadn’t expected any of it. My day was filled with extra joy. At the end of the day, what I did expect, though, didn’t happen, and I found myself a little depressed.

How can life be so giving in one moment and take away the very thing I wanted the most? But God’s way isn’t our way. We learn the lessons of the universe by practicing and rehearsing the issues we struggle with the most. So, today I let go and let God take away any need for expectation. Instead, I allow myself to be immersed in the ever spontaneous, flowing, unlimited love of God.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and LifeCoach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. Your connection to me blesses me in everyway possible. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN atBosebastian5@gmail.com; or find me at www.bosebastian.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon, just by typing my name in the header.

FRIENDS: CLICK ON THE <<MORE>> BUTTON TO VOTE, LIKE, COMMENT OR SHARE… Thanks, Bo.

 

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