Tag: dating advice

Rashers and Bangers: Dating Outside Your Culture #datingadvice #languagebarriers #UScustoms #relationships

If you’ve ever travelled to a different country or known a person from a different culture, you will understand immediately that understanding language, lifestyles, and popular words and phrases can take some time.

I have been dating a native Irishman for over a year. Still, after 14-15 months, he often says something that I’ve never heard before. Today, I discovered that rashers are bacon and bangers are sausages. Since we are both vegans, those words never came up before. I have learned to listen to the small ways he uses language different than I and inquire a great deal. The tiniest nuances can change the meaning of a sentence, even in an English-based language.

Personally, I think it’s fun to discover something new and out of the narrow box I’ve lived in for 50 years. What about cultural or language difference, though, that might get in the way of relationships? Should you consider this before dating someone from another country?

I answer the question below:

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Continued from above:

Love comes in many packages. However, understanding love when it comes in a package wrapped in a foreign language and unusual cultures may be something you would want to investigate before moving forward with the relationship too quickly.

An example that happened to me before I got involved with my fiancé was dating a Cuban man in South Florida. The Cuban culture is very different than most Latin American cultures. The men are more dominant. Being gay is not something most parents would accept. Passion and love are two very different things. The word “dear” is not used for someone who is a lover. Dear (estimado) is more of a friendship term and dear (cariño) is a more intimate way of expressing closeness.

When you express something in English, it can often be offensive to the Cuban. And ultimately fiery anger can happen. I have found this to be true with most Latin Americans. When North Americans might consider angry outbursts offensive, in other cultures they are quite normal. Does it mean that this person is not interested in you or doesn’t love you? Does it mean that they will be violent? The questions begin to mount as the relationship gets more serious. The language barrier becomes more and more prominent as you begin to desire to express deeper feelings about your love.

Americans have one word for love. Spanish people have many ways to express loving someone. So, when they use the word love, you have to inquire about which kind of love they are expressing. Is it love like a family member (quererse), is it like (gustarse), love like “really enjoy the most” (enamorse), love as in marital love or the love of a parent to a child (amar), expressing that you are a boyfriend or girlfriend (novio, novia), a couple (pareja), etc. There are actually some 36 ways to show different kinds of love at different intensities in the Spanish Language. Also, each Spanish-speaking country has different ways as well.

My point is this: Getting involved with someone from another culture who speaks English can be quite an eye-opener. More importantly, when you meet someone that you care for who speaks an entirely different language and has an entirely different cultural background than you do, you may be in for a really bad experience when expressing the much-needed “deep conversations” it takes to communicate your authentic feelings.

Personally, I’m not sure any lasting relationship can happen without being able to share the deepest words of your heart. Actions can express feelings, but words are our greatest way of sharing how we feel. When we can’t share these words, then this becomes a barrier to deeper love.

If you seek to not want to share your deepest feelings, this may be exactly why you are attracted to foreigners. But, getting into the relationship with full knowledge of your intention is very important. You do not want to end up marrying someone that you are passionate about and realize you have been deceived to get a Green Card, because you were never able to ask the questions you needed to ask.

Remember: a person doesn’t have to lie, when he or she doesn’t understand the question.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.


Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_6?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=bo%20sebastian&sprefix=bo+seb%2Caps%2C190&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Abo%20sebastian]

 

Coming soon, my partner David Menton and I are planning to start a Vlog with Vegetable Based enriched recipes from my plethora of fun and easy ways to make food taste amazing. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

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TRUTH: An Inside Job #relationshipadvice #powerofchoice #spiritualadvice #livingtruth

I have often been asked what it takes to attract the perfect mate, because I wrote a NY Times Bestseller about that very fact (Your Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Men). The only advice I currently give is to ALWAYS look for someone with whom you can share your truth, authenticity, and transparency. I do not believe that joy and happiness will last without these essential elements in a personal relationship.

I have tried all forms of attraction in my life. But the only one that lasts is the one that is built on solid love—the kind of love with which God created the universe. That same love is yours and mine for the taking, as we were created with the very elements of love built into our DNA.

People are quick to judge certain types of people with a sweeping brush across the canvas. But the truth is, most of us search for truth and peace every day of our lives. I have not met many people in my life who have not imagined a world without fear. Even the prettiest people are afraid they are not pretty enough.

I agree that many daters are looking for that quick fix—sex or some intimacy, and not willing to invest much more into relationship. But, you have to take the time to be able to see this kind of person coming from a mile away.

If you cannot share the smallest truth with someone you are dating, I would suggest moving on immediately. We are not going to change anyone in personal relationships. So, simply date people who are in your spiritual bubble who have already had their fair share of change and complication, but have securely and successfully walked through the tribulation with their heads held high or, at least, with more compassionate.

Desire someone in your life with ideals similar to your own, much more than you would want someone with a perfect body. Why? People with perfect bodies often do not have perfect bodies after the first year of a marriage. Often, they only build up the body to attract someone. Once they attain what they want, they stop thinking about looks and focus in on the next attainable venture. These kinds of people are also easy to spot. They are quick to act and slow to commit to authenticity and real intimacy.

Do not be fooled by someone who says he or she is spiritual, but does not resonate with your understanding of spirituality. If you cannot take your partner’s hand and say, “Hey, I need to pray with you. I need some guidance. Or, I’m afraid, and I need you to think a good thought for me while I’m at the doctor’s office,” then this is not a spiritual partner and mate.

These kinds of intimate, spiritual moments are paramount in establishing a great—not good—relationship. This is because the foundation of the relationship is based on love and compassion, not simply attraction.

 

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This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in January)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 8.42.10 AM

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!

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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?cropped-cropped-6009Color1001.jpg

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

 

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A Relationship to “Close This Account!” #datingadvice #realtionshipadvie #spiritualadvice #gaymarriage

I was pleasantly surprised when I came across an autobiography of a man on Match.com that said, “I’m looking for a man to make me close this account forever!” This was the delight of my morning, because his words so perfectly described what most of us desire. (I’m not talking to the people who love being single and enjoy having a different person every week.) This message goes out to the vast majority of people, straight and gay, who really desire to have a lasting relationship—one that will last through the challenges of time.

If you are on the hunt for that ideal person, I guarantee you will find it a challenge. Most people join sites like Match.com and have to go through 50 dates to find just one that is worth going out with a second time. For me, I have found people who are nice, people I’m attracted to, but none seem to be in the same place about relationship as I am. Most have an unrealistic view of what relationship is because of a recent divorce, a bad break-up, or they simply have too many attachment issues. The trick to finding that one perfect mate is… oh, wait, I don’t know what that is, because I haven’t found it yet!

Well, I certainly know what NOT to do and what signs to look for to make sure that your budding relationship will actually eventually bloom.

  1. If your date says you are the first person he has dated or kissed in a long period of time, run!
  2. If your date tries something strange sexually the first time you have sex, run!
  3. If your date describes some odd fantasy that sounds a little too kinky for your tastes, run. He or she will probably opt out of love to get satisfy that fantasy, eventually. (This happened to me after 2 years of bliss and happiness.)
  4. If someone is married and in the stages of separating or getting a divorce, run. I know it’s tempting, because he or she is usually the type of person that is stable and securely attached. However, this person is in a stage of his/her life that is apt to want to look around, first, before settling down again. I call this the “Wild Oats” season. (This just happened to me, recently, after long discussions about commitment and what we wanted. After opening his heart to love, he realized he hadn’t had enough opportunities to date before settling down. This was soon after he met some hot dude at the gym who was in hot pursuit of him.)
  5. If your date gets angry easily, run.
  6. If your date cannot treat strangers nicely, he’s apt to treat you poorly eventually.
  7. Lastly, if you are not on the same page, spiritually, you probably shouldn’t run, but a slow walk away would be a safer bet. I have many friends who have had fairly good relationships without the spiritual component. But the happiest couples are those who share the deepest part of their spiritual heart. I know, because I’ve been there, that our anxiousness can cause us to pursue relationships outside of our spiritual desire. However, I’ve decided, I’m willing to wait this time.

As most of my friends who are in relationships say, “When you are not looking, you’ll find him or her!” However, if you’re a hermit, sitting alone every night, you’ll probably not find a date either. Finding someone takes action! Even if that action is simply pursuing your own interests to be social in groups such as Meetup.com, you’re more likely to meet that person with the same likes and dislikes.

Your Gay Friend's Cover art

Today’s featured book is “You’re Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Men.” This was a bestseller on the NY Times list three years ago. It’s a more spiritual approach for finding that right relationship! Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 I'm Bored

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

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