Tag: dealing with grief

On Death and Dying

The Buddhists believe that:

All human life is as a person getting into a boat—on a voyage. However, the vessel has one small hole at the bottom, giving the journey an inevitable end.

This belief is not tragic, but authentic. It is realistic and conventional. The boat of human life will eventually sink. It has a beginning, middle, and end. It will eventually end when the journey is over or when we have learned enough. What everyone must accept is that:

the journey is measured.

We don’t know if:

  • our spirit had decided ahead of time how long we would stay on Earth as human—in third density bodies,
  • there is a Great power that decides for us how long we stay, or
  • if a collective consciousness decides together.

We do know, however, that the journey ceases… for some at an old age, and for others, it seems, before it has barely begun.

I recently have had a few friends make their transitions. Many I have known in this human body have gone from this world to the next. Some much too young and others from illness, and yet others have given up the body well after their physical selves had ceased to function properly. It seemed that some people have simply “willed” their existence to stay a bit longer than they intended.

I have strong inclinations about the process and have learned great lessons each time I’m faced with a death of a close friend or family member. One thing is for certain: The suffering seems to be diminishing, as I remind myself that he or she who has passed is now in a more blissful place, in my estimation, if they were on a positive path on Earth. Perhaps, some will move on to another dimension or to another existence somewhere else to learn more lessons, lessons that they didn’t quite get here on Earth. In each case, though, I’m the one who will miss his or her presence on my Earth Journey. He or she who has passed on is already growing and moving forward to a different dimension.

What I have learned recently is a great lesson:

  • When someone makes his or her transition, their presence in your life doesn’t diminish, it grows, if you’re watching and meditating;
  • When someone passes on, he or she can become your guardian in the Spirit, giving you sage advice while you dream (at least, for awhile);
  • When someone’s body ceases to function on Earth, his or her Spirit moves forward onto a paradigm unbeknownst to us; and mostly
  • When you let go of your physical body, you expand into a dimension that has many choices—both positive and negative.

Perhaps, you know this already. I just wanted to share my experience, incase you are grieving over the loss of someone close. If you have recently lost a dear friend or family member, I’m knowing this for you:

The clear choice in life is to always let go of fear. When you do, amazing things happen in your physical, mental, and spiritual lives. As you feel your intense emotions, know that a gentle voice calls you to resolution with this soul who has passed on. You were never meant to spend the rest of your life with him or her. You had a journey and a lesson plan. Now it is over. It was intense, wonderful, joyful, hard, but always real.

Now, what is yours to do is reflect on it for as long as you need.

Be with yourself. Let go and be quiet until you gain the strength you need to move forward.




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The Passing of a Friend: The Message in the Now #death #dying #grief #spiritualadvice

At the end of the discovery blog, yesterday, I promised that, today, I would discuss the Message in the Now. As it turns out, late last evening, I got a phone call telling me that my pastor’s wife had passed earlier that day. I went to sleep thinking about how that news changed my world and, certainly, the world of my beloved friend and pastor. I wondered, indeed, what the message in the now sent my pastor and, also, trusted that he would have the opportunity to ponder that gift.

As I meditated before I went to sleep, I began to think about the many ways that Source had given the pastor opportunities to enjoy the last couple of years of his marriage. His wife’s cancer diagnosis was laden with early grief, but also gave the couple the opportunity to plan for the ending, if it came, two years before her human body’s demise. Knowing, not knowing someone will pass—I know there probably is little difference in the end, when it comes to grief. But, after the initial time of despair, I’m sure my pastor will look back at the last two years as a divine gift from Source.

Every relationship will come to an end, whether in one leaving or one passing. This is humanity in action. Reconciling this with our hearts is important in living in the now in every relationship in our lives. Actually knowing the end for him was, indeed, a powerful gift. I have had the opportunity to help people in palliative care make their transitions. The process can be beautiful if dealt with in a spiritual way, honoring life’s ultimate cycle.

So, this gift is in every present moment. If we deny the NOW and take an alternative path to our reality, through the future or the past, we deny spirit’s gift. The present is the gift. I suppose that’s why we call the now, a present. The word present has two very separate, but, perhaps, equal meanings. One meaning signifies the now, the other means a gift. Same word, same meaning.

Finding the meaning in the now sometimes takes faith. Maybe the meaning of the now will be revealed to you later. For instance, if you are jobless and go for an important job interview, the now may be finding out that you didn’t get that beloved and perfect job. The gift, however, may be in the faith, knowing that an even better job is waiting for you.

This situation happened to someone close to me. She looked for a job for eight months. Finally, she had an interview that seemed perfect. She didn’t get the job. As the family continued to believe the right and perfect job was there for her, she ended up having two consecutive interviews just as her savings had run out. She got hired for both jobs and was able to decide which job would better serve her. In the end, the gift was garnering faith and belief. She is a better person for having to wait for her good. Her faith has increased and so has her positivity about life.

The now, though it may look like a heap of dung sometimes, often holds our greatest lessons and gifts if we are willing to look at them. The universe always wants the biggest and best for you. Often, we don’t even know what that is. But Source does.

We must trust that the biggest and best always exists in the mind of God; therefore, it exists in you. The now is your present. Take it, unwrap it, and discover its usefulness in your life. (This novel below, The Leaving Cellar, is about the passing of a beloved wife. I know you’ll enjoy this Southern take on a heartfelt and sometimes funny love story.)

Meditation BookcoverGLUTEN FREE COVERThe_Leaving_Cellar_Cover_for_Kindle

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If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]





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The Mausoleum of Our Minds  #grief #comingout #memories #repeatingoldpatterns

I disliked my father for 25 years, rather hated him, I guess. I felt as if he had little to do with my life, but offering up his sperm. I lived in NYC city then, and we had just hung up from our regular monthly call, in which I was always the initiator. I never got an “I love you” from him or any kind of praise. He simply would prattle on about what he ate for dinner that day and about the weather in Western Pennsylvania. Nothing supported me in his banter. I accepted that, but decided long before that my life and my success could have nothing to do with him.

At midnight that evening, the phone rang again. His favorite nephew had gotten killed in a motorcycle accident. He asked me if I would fly home to Pittsburgh the next day. I had been very close to the wife of the man who died. He understood that my presence there would be comforting. Also, at that time I was a minister, but Daddy knew I was gay, too, and was an embarrassment to his 8 very Catholic Italian brothers and sisters, who were completely anti-gay, for the most part—actually, more uneducated, as this happened 25 years ago. Some relatives even snubbed me, after the news got out, so trips home were rare. However, I wanted to help. So, I boarded a plane the next day on my father’s dime.

When we got to my cousin’s house, his wife sat on the sofa, swiftly looking through wedding pictures in a large brown photo album. “I can’t believe it. This isn’t happening,” she repeated, over and over. I went to her side and gently caressed her shoulder. I didn’t say a word. I knew she didn’t need me to express that everything would be okay, because it simply wasn’t. Life sucked, right then. She needed someone to share her grief, not challenge it, like most of the family had been trying to do.

After a couple of hours of looking through the wedding album, I said something funny, unexpectedly, and she burst out laughing. Then, suddenly, like her laughter had stirred the hot lava within, she burst into tears. We hugged for the longest time. When the initial surge of grief subsided, we began to talk about the funeral arrangements, which everyone wanted to get accomplished, but was afraid to broach. She asked me to sing at the funeral and help her with many of the exhausting things, like picking out a casket and arranging the service. This would be the first time I would be in front of all of my relatives as a out gay man.

Their church was an orthodox sect that didn’t allow anything but singing—no instruments. So, I sang a cappella “How Great Thou Art.” At the end of the 2-hour funeral, with priests a-chanting and an out-0f-tune choir reciting endless banter that I didn’t understand, my father stood in the parking lot smoking. I hadn’t seen my father cry since my mother left him when I was eight. His eyes were red, and I could tell he was holding back his own tears. I went to him and asked him if he was all right.

When I touched him, he pulled I away, like I could somehow give him HIV, which I didn’t have. I pursued him with caution, not caring, now, how he felt about me being gay; more importantly, how I felt about him not accepting my decision to come out. I simply was one human being concerned about his sadness. “Dad,” I said, “I’m here for you, if you want me to be.”

In that moment, without hesitation, he grabbed me and hugged me, bursting into tears. “Son,” he said, “I have never been more proud of you in my life.”

I didn’t think I needed my father to be proud of me. But from a place deeper than my skeleton, a grand sense of relief swept over me. I had no idea how important my father’s acceptance would be; and even more so, his praise. We hugged unabashed for a short while, then, suddenly, his scared feelings crept back and he gently pushed me away before his relatives could see us in the parking lot. But, he couldn’t take back my one moment of healing. That, I would keep long after his ugly death from prostate cancer.

You see, we all have a need for one or both of our parents to honor us, to listen to us, to cherish us, and, especially, support our adult decisions. When they don’t, we try to find surrogates. Sometimes, we overwork to gain the attention of a boss. Sometimes, we find some older friends to hang out with who aren’t afraid to express their feelings. Other times, we just hide our need underneath eating or a habit.

Surrogates are great ways to fill the emptiness in our subconscious mind, if they are healthy replacements for our needs. But, you must remind yourself that the reason you need these surrogates is because of the deep wound that your parent left you with. So, if you have garnered a bad habit as a result of this part of your past, recognizing your unhealthy pattern, can sometimes lead to its resolution. It certainly did for me.


Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends (When you go to this link, if you have already seen the promo, look for the discoveries, as I have been posting new discoveries every week on YouTube):

Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior Cover

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I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.


Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also aself-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

Buy the Book

Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.

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