Today, as I was driving home from a friend’s house, two birds—flying in tandem—slammed directly into my windshield—dropped from the air. I couldn’t have avoided the collision if I were Svengali. I looked from my rearview mirror to see them both flop to the street. My heart sunk.
I heard myself murmur, “Huh, two birds with one car!”
I wasn’t trying to be funny. Sometimes, though, when something outrageously horrible happens, my faux Turrets disease, comical side pops out to keep my mind from dwelling on the terrible present. This was the case.
I drove down the street bewildered. Why on earth would God allow two precious little sparrows to be killed by my car in that moment? I didn’t like the Now. In fact, I hated it, and I was a little angry at God. So, I tried to think of the lesson that those beautiful creatures were trying to teach me sacrificing their lives. The lesson must be huge, because it had my utmost attention.
My lesson yesterday had been about rejection. I still had been dwelling on it a lot lately. I found myself telling a client that, sometimes when you are in a secure relationship, old behaviors rise up to be healed, because you feel as if you are in a safe place for growth. Perhaps, this is the case.
I asked Spirit to help me understand what else I would be killing off if I attended to easing my anxious obsession about rejection. I didn’t get an answer right then. When I arrived home, I had about twenty chores I wanted to accomplish before my first client. I wanted to help out a friend and cut his grass. After that, I scurried around the garden and about the house making my special sausage sauce with homemade pasta, pizza dough to keep refrigerated for 3 days (my secret), pizza sauce, changing the filter in the pond, watering plants, pulling out weeds, and running the sweeper. Those were the main chores. I had more energy than normal.
I noticed, after my four hours of running around like an aerobics teacher and before my shower, I noticed that I had lost two pounds since the morning, and that was even after I had eaten breakfast. I was pretty stoked about that. I’m almost down to my fighting weight. (Could that be the killing two birds with one stone?)
As I sang opera in the shower, I began to think about the great day gay men and women from all over the US had yesterday. Our struggle to get the government to treat us like first class citizens had been validated. Allen and I went to a party at Tribe last evening to celebrate. So many people were jubilant and excited about what this Supreme Court decision meant for the future of our lives.
I, in particular, have never really considered all the implications of what it would be like to be married to a man and have equal benefits as my straight friends, family, and neighbors. I felt even more secure about the future than ever before. Soon, I want to settle down with a partner and make a commitment for life.
Maybe this entire scenario about ridding my life of my rejection issues is about preparing me for a wonderful future with a mate who I can commit to for the rest of my life.
Perhaps the message on the windshield this morning was this: If you are strong enough to face your worst fears of rejection, you will also become brave enough to love with abandonment, security, and longevity!
I like it. Thank you, birds!
One more thought: maybe feeling something as rejection so deeply isn’t such a bad quality. The more I consider the purpose of the now, the greater I can feel it. Then—the key to this issue—is to release what ever feeling it is to God and to the greatest good! Otherwise, you may end up dwelling in that negative space for far too long and end up in a depression. We don’t want that.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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