Tag: death and dying

Reality Check: On Death and Dying #death #grievingloss #loss #dying

One of my favorite quotes is from a book called, What Happy People Know by Dan Baker. “Every moment that’s ever been, or ever will be, is gone the instant it’s begun. So life is loss. And the secret of happiness is to learn to love the moment more than you mourn the loss.” Notice Dr. Baker doesn’t say, “But the secret of happiness…” He says, “And the secret of happiness is…”

Dr. Baker knows, with certainty, that death for anyone or anything (relationships, work, friendships) is eminent, because life changes in an instant, and every relationship is on a trajectory toward death. So, someone has to die in a relationship eventually. You must retire. Someone must move away. Our deepest love falls apart. This is reality; it’s not pessimism. When you truly get this truth, your entire life will change.

Life begins when you accept that death is imminent, because you immediately realize the gift you have been given in each relationship (even your relationship to work or a hobby). Conversely, with this realization, you may decide that a certain relationship or friendship or work situation is taking too much of your energy and isn’t worth holding on to. Either way, when you realize you have only a certain amount of time on earth, you lose fear and become bolder in your choices. You stand up for what you believe. You recognize the gifts that are directly in front of you. In other words, you take hold of your power IN THE NOW!

Personally, this fact has been clearly hitting me in my face this past month as I prepare to move forward to a new home in a different state. Friendships I thought were dead have found life. Friendships I wish were dead have found renewed vengeance. I have learned that the only thing that has the capacity to change is my point of view about all of it. In the face of a friend trying to ruin a poignant dinner with buddies because she doesn’t think she should move on from the past, has only cleared away the dross for those who want to stay true friends. Clients who left my life because they were afraid of change must learn to deal with their own losses without me. The new relationships with my sisters and mother must change, as Mom learns to lean on her daughters instead of always looking to me to be a life raft.

I get it! Life is—and always has been—about change! It is inevitable and imminent. We grieve our losses, because they are reality, and parents pass away eventually. But, the gift in this harsh reality is that Spirit is always making room for something new and wonderful.

Are you ready to accept this truth and live in the Now? This should be the question we ask ourselves everyday to stay completely present.


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This novel is off of my bookshelf and fully exemplifies in fiction what I have described in reality. If you are an avid reader, give it a try. It’s one of my favorites. 

[Chosen to show his new hypno-therapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and Given the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian, the writer and director ofFinding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior, helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Challenge yourself with one of his 13 books, healing CDs (weight loss, meditation, smoke cessation and more) or his Yoga DVD on Amazon or Amazon/Kindle: Click here to go directly to the bookshelf.]



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A Surprise in the Night

A Surprise in the Night

I was a preacher in NYC. The congregation was rallying around a woman who decided to take care of her father while he was dying of the ferocious pancreatic cancer. Congregants were taking turns caring for her father, so she could get some sleep at night. A few days before his death, I took the late evening shift.

The father was very untrusting and loved his daughter immensely, it was clear. Before she went to bed the daughter told me, if I needed anything just call her. She’d be right by my side. It was very late. She and her husband looked so exhausted they could pass out on their feet. I bid them good night and proceeded to pray by the side of the ailing 88-year-old man.

He was lucid, but having bouts of paranoia and delusion. We talked a bit. I prayed some more. One hour went by. I felt myself falling asleep, which promised myself I wouldn’t do. This was an all night vigil. He seemed to moaned a lot, so it was like an alarm clock for me when I began to doze. I felt so badly for the man. At about the second hour, he had to urinate. I had never helped another person pee into a bedpan before, especially someone in extreme pain.

When we got to the part where I had to touch him to get it in the hole, he looked at me with disdain and cried out for his daughter. My hand flinched away. “It’s okay. I can help you,” I whispered. “Don’t be afraid.”

Yet, he shook his head and cried out his daughters name into the night. I hoped she would hear and come running to my side, but she didn’t. I was so afraid he was going to urinate all over the bed. In a sudden panic, I just decided to man up and wake her. I couldn’t really be all I thought I could be as a preacher and a friend, in her hour of need.

So, I’m thinking. Why wake them both. I’ll quietly go into their bedroom, wake her gently. She’ll know that her father needs her. So, I gently open the door without a creak, tiptoe into the bedroom and walk toward the bed.

To my surprise I see her husband’s naked butt staring at me, and his head where no one goes unless he’s searching for a midnight snack.

I stood there stunned. What? How could this be? They went to bed like two hours ago. They were exhausted. Her father’s dying. And yet, in the darkness I hear a low voice, “Bro, you could’ve knocked.”

“Your father needs you,” I stated and ran from the room, sweating, like a thieve fleeing from the crime scene.

Oh, Lord, what do I do?

Fortunately, the father’s health took precedence, and no words were ever spoken about it again. Until now!

Okay, I was celibate then, but still gay. It was the most frightening thing I had ever seen in my life. I may never get over it. Someone needs to give me hypnosis to help me with this PTSD.

Still, when I walk into a dark room, even if it’s my own, I knock.

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Healthy or Sick

Healthy or Sick?

I went to a seminar over the weekend where a man had cured himself of a debilitating disease that was supposed to leave him impotent, with a colostomy, and with the likelihood of back pain the rest of his life. He went through 60 surgeries in 15 years and decided that he had had enough. He got out his bible and purposely chose to work on finding the way of healing. That he did and in a big way. He now looks to be a very healthy and vibrant man at almost 60.

In my fifty-two years, I’ve heard a lot of stories of miraculous healings, but sadly I have heard an equal amount or more of stories where people have waited for miracles, and they never came.

Most recently, one of my best friend’s, Linda, was sick with colon cancer. She was of the same religious ilk as I. We believed in the same God almost exactly. Our conversations were almost primarily about spirituality. That’s what I loved about her. We talked about an after life and about the likelihood that one of us would communicate with the other if one passed before the other.

Linda wasn’t afraid of dying up until the time she was told she had stage four cancer. Then, suddenly, she was frightened to go. She had everything to live for and didn’t want to depart this world. She was a very good lawyer who wrote law for the state of Kentucky. She was great at what she did. She was good to the bone. Unfortunately, her body didn’t want to stay with us.

She would ask me to pray with her every time we talked. I went into my old toolbox and used every method of prayer I knew of: I prayed in tongues, cast out demons, called for the disease to be dried up and dead, and certainly employed the positive prayer practice I use now. Honestly, at the same time I was praying, I could hear the voice of spirit saying, “It is her time to go, Bo. Help her get ready to go.”

But every time I tried to mention anything but positive things leaning toward healing, she would cut me off. I don’t want to hear anything that isn’t positive. Agreed?  And I would simply agree. What else was I to do? (And inside my heart, I wondered if I was giving up and letting her down.)

So, I prayed silently. A couple months passed and I got the phone call from her sister.

Here are two very different stories with the same spiritual outlook, but with very different endings. How do we line this up in our spiritual consciousness?

I go back to what I call Sacred Contracts. I believe that before we ever came to earth as humans, we met with all the spirits we came to earth with. With the help of angels and God we decided what each of us were going to learn in this lifetime. (Example: Bo is going to be LaVerne’s son. He is going to teach her about healing her body. She is going to teach him about forgiveness. Bo is going to be Mark’s son. Mark is going to a mean, alcoholic and abusive father. Bo will learn to overcome the past and painful memories of the past by the use of his father’s negative patterning. And so forth. Michael will be Bo’s partner. They will break up and Bo will learn some of the hardest lessons of his life. We are all players in a large production of life.)

I believe we also decide when it’s our time to leave the earth, as well. Some will stay around for a long time because their work or their lessons simply aren’t finished. Other’s will go quickly and move on to the spiritual world to help on that end.

This is my belief. I know it may have some holes in it. But it helps me go to sleep at night and be at peace. So, I choose to immerse myself in the concepts. This way, death no longer scares me. Life no longer scares me. And certainly, relationships no longer frighten me. If I have come to learn with these people, I am not going to resist the perfect present any longer. BRING IT ON!

So, healing is about the relinquishing of fighting the present moment. When you let go of moving against the grain, you can actually make some headway into growing from the human experience. And if you are doing your spiritual work and meditating, you will learn that you can find that spiritual perch that is the omniscient observer, and become even more aware of your lessons without judgment.

So, in the case of the two fighting illness, was either wrong?

I don’t think so. I believe that the first man saw the opportunity and was led by spirit to overcome, not just for himself, but for a world of nonbelievers.

In the second scenario, I believe Linda needed to learn that the value of human life isn’t as great as she thought it was. I can say that, because she often comes to me as spirit and speaks to me like old times. If you’ve read some of my blogs about her, you know the story of the silver bell by my bed magically appearing when she died. She mystically speaks in moments of my silence and shares with me, when she is allowed—things I need to know to move forward in life. I love that she continues to be my blessing, even though she is now in the spirit world.

I hope this helps in your spiritual walk today.

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