Tag: Emotion

CRYING HE HERO´S WORK

I used to think that crying was for sissies. Of course, that didn´t keep me from crying. It just simply convinced me that I was a sissy. “Crying,” a lovely healer friend once told me, “is like when you cut yourself. The body must cleanse the wound first by bleeding. Tears cleanse your body of toxins.”

Ever since that advice, I have let myself be as authentic as I can when it comes to emotion. This is important to finding your true self, your true life, and if you’re looking, your true love.

Pretending that everything is oKay all the time is simply a mask we wear to be respected, loved, and thought of as strong. But the truth is that no one really likes or wants a relationship with someone with no emotions.

I remember dating a man who was a real hottie. He was buff, was a father of 2 boys, worked hard, knew how to be a gentleman: but when it came to emotions, there was nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

He used to tell me: “You are the one in this relationship with emotions. One person that is as expressive as you are is enough.”

In truth, one with emotions is not enough. And the reason is NOT that 2 people with emotions will cause too much drama.

The reason is that 2 people who understand emotion and KNOW where it comes from become a balance to each other.

Life throws us curves all of the time. When one is upset, usually the other PERSON IN A BALANCED RELATIONSHIP is the strong person and compassionate as well, which is also one of the emotions the strong boyfriend didn´t have. He had some compassion, but not like someone who truly understands himself and wants to grow from the NOW.

All this to say, if you are emotional and enjoy a good cry now and again, go for it. However, to balance that, make sure that you understand why you cry and that there is peace always waiting to embrace you when you’re finished with the tears.

 

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When Confusion About Past Love Hits

When Confusion About Past Love Hits

When you are as old as I am, or most of us reading this—hell, even if you’re fifteen, you have probably been through more than one love. If you have, then there are probably triggers in your life that remind you of that special someone who come back to haunt you, even though you are not with that person anymore or even if that person hurt you badly. In most cases, take that scenario and multiply it by 2-5 people, which is the amount of people most of us middle-aged people have loved and lost.

This isn’t something to be discouraged about. You are not grieving that person or those relationships—solely.  You are grieving the “possibility of what those relationships could have been” more than anything. Remember what you just read, and it will save you a lot of money on expensive wine and therapy.

When we try so hard at love, and it doesn’t work out, we get lost in the “what ifs.”

  • Ø What if I were a little more compassionate to his needs?
  • Ø What if I would have waited a little longer for that wound to heal?
  • Ø What if I hadn’t kissed my secretary at the Christmas party?

The “what ifs” form a wall around the relationship that contains it in the category of “IF ONLY.”

“Ifs” are a way to fool your self into believing something could have been, when it really never was. Maybe we could have changed things if we could go back in time. The truth is, though, we can never go back in time.

Learn to be happy with the present. If you aren’t happy with the present, then change it. You are the only one who can.

If you really screwed up a relationship and want it back, you may be lucky enough someday to make things right. But good luck at the waiting for that day. Most smart people are not ready to let the same thing happen to them over again—especially with the same person. Doing anything wrong over again is just crazy.

“Fools walk when the crosswalk sign says STOP!” (Did I make that up or has someone already said it?)

Used to be, every time I would break-up with a dude, I would go back and haunt all the old relationships in my past. I would dig up the “what ifs” like a deranged gravedigger. Usually, I would find that the same wrong things were going on in those relationships that were going on when I was in them. People may change, but the basic character of a person doesn’t usually evolve too quickly. What annoyed you five years ago, will probably still annoy you today.

I picked this topic tonight because after I broke up with the last person I was dating, I made a vow to myself to keep my past in my past. I have done very well with some of those people. But a few of the past loves I missed as friends, and I let them back into my life.

This is a tricky area if you are not very secure in your current relationship. You may think that love goes away, but I’m of the belief that love—real love—stays around for a long time. So, when you befriend an old lover, you are going to be haunted occasionally by those moments of “what if.”

Know this and know this well: The answer always to the question of “What if?” is “What was, wasn’t—so, what is, is just what it is!”

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