Tag: Family

Refried Beans and Poppycock #nostalgia #livinginthepast #tryingnewthings

I come from a large Italian family, rich with food I can’t spell, tons of siblings and relatives, and a culture that values the art of loving and laughing. As I have moved through life—and sometimes far away from relatives—I had always thought that family was surrogate, loving friends who were in the same boat as I—a far distance from relatives. This homemade family had birthdays, holidays, and wept together during the hard times—all things your blood relative usually provide.

Now that I’m a stone’s throw away from three sisters and a mom, I sat excited about my family’s weekly game night. I realized that I had rather be sitting in that hard wooden chair surrounded by my family than anywhere else in the world. I looked around the table at three generations of friends. They are not just family, but my best and most secure friends. We ate and laughed for four hours, as we often do. Each time we get together, I’m completely in the moment.

I’m glad I took the opportunity to rediscover my family, kind of like refried beans. They are cooked a few times, looking kind of squished and mutilated, but taste crispy around the edges, full of flavor, spread easily, and taste familiar. What I hadn’t realized about moving near family was the security they would provide for my heart.

I have often written about the three kinds of attachments in Attachment Theory. Anxious attachment comes from a lack of secure connection, first with family, then usually exposing itself in personal relationships. If the dynamics of family is right, then it could provide the needed secure attachment you may have been looking for in personal relationships your entire life, as I have. I notice, now, that instead of thinking about meeting someone to spend my life with, I think—if it happens, it happens. For me, that’s a great place to be, mostly because I have been the kind of man who wanted relationship so badly that I rushed in and made many mistakes.

Last night, my twenty-eight-year-old nephew, who is the straight clone of me, introduced the family to this new popcorn that had cheese corn and caramel corn mixed together. We all tore through the bag like ravenous pigs. The taste reminded me of Poppycock, which is equally as addictive. As we were all stealing handfuls of this popcorn from each other’s separate bowls, I realized how life provides something new and wonderful at each moment if I am observant.

I commit to spending the rest of this life simply aware. This is my new goal. As I become more securely attached, I spend more and more time simply being and enjoying life. What a lovely way to live.

GLUTEN FREE COVERThe_Leaving_Cellar_Cover_for_KindleFinding_Authentic_Yo_Cover_for_Kindle

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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 Beautiful Bird

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

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Relatives, Family, and #Thanksgiving

When my mother asked me if she could move in with me, eight years ago, I knew my life would change. How it would change was up to her and I. We had spent the majority of our lives separated, sometimes one thousand miles away. As far as the rest of my family, we have also spent years separated from each other. Now, however, in a time of Thanksgiving, this will be the first time my closest sisters, family members, and my mother will spend the holidays together. Planning the days are special to all of us, as we each are contributing to dinners and times together that will create an entirely new family dynamic.

I have to tell you how thankful I am for the opportunity, at this point in my life, to be near so much love and grace. Most people go through many different growing spurts with family members. Sometimes we leave family to understand ourselves better. Sometimes we separate because of unhealthy relationships. Other times, we come together again, only to find that old patterns never change. However, I want to invite you to a new paradigm during this holiday.

Yes, it takes two people to change a relationship. However, it takes only one to change his/her point of view about any relationship. When I realized that living with my mother could heal the relationship that probably had affected every intimate relationship in my life, I knew that I had to commit to healing the relationship with my mother. I had to become transparent with her and let her know my hurts and allow her to be a part of my personal healing process.

As I did so, my mother intuitively began to nurture my heart in ways I didn’t realize would help my healing. The two people who love me the most in my life are family members. Unconditional love supersedes anything I have ever felt before.

As a result of feeling this family love, I have titrated from caustics relationship (some of them are family, some are friends) and allowed new friendships to bud and bloom in a slow and beautiful way in my life. I sew the seeds; God grows the plant.

On this Thanksgiving holiday, choose a new way. Change your story and perspective about family members. See this time as an opportunity to heal, instead of recapitulate old stories and old beliefs. Know that you have within your mind and heart to create new relationships today and this coming week. I know this for you and for me now.

Happy Holiday!

return to love

A Cookbook, a Novel, a children’s book, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

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Hey White Liar

Hey White Liar

I had this little, sweet 9-year-old girl sing the Miranda Lambert song “White Liar” a couple days ago for her vocal lesson with such truth and authenticity, it took me off guard. In the same week, I had a couple young high schoolers talk about how they were afraid to take classes in the arts that they enjoyed, but were not completely terrific at, because it would ruin their GPA for college if they got a B+ instead of an A.

Both situations disheartened me. Our children are learning way too quickly how to share the burden of adulthood, before they have a chance to enjoy the fun and liberation of being kids.

I guess this hits home for me. I don’t want kids to feel like I did when I was a child—growing up way too fast in a world where I wasn’t ready to bear its heavy burdens. I don’t want them to have to be cooking meals for 5 kids, making lunches, baking the bread, making the cupcakes, because they can’t afford to by store-bought anything. I don’t want children to have to play parent at age 10 when they should be thinking of things like “who is going to be captain of the kickball team” or who is going to go with whom to the hip hop dance.

We are in this jam with children because parents are foregoing their roles and forcing the children to take over emotionally and physically. I know that is what happened in my case. If I hadn’t stepped up, none of my siblings would have had food. Or maybe they would have.

Maybe me stepping up caused my father to be irresponsible and drunk and the rest of my siblings to keep from doing their part. I’m not sure. But I shouldered the role and did it until I let go of the burden of being everyone’s codependent sometime very recently. I made (or attracted) lots of little dependents along the way. It’s a way of life, you know? You learn codendency/dependency at a young age. Shaking it off is a hard thing to do.

I got a message from Spirit a couple days ago. The message was: “You are to be “peace” in the midst of chaos.”  I clearly felt the intention was that I was to be there for people, but not to get entangled in their messes.

That’s a good lesson for all of us.

To be dependent, you must have a co-dependent.

To have a narcissist, you must have a co-narcissist.

To have a behavior that is allowed to exist, it must have people allowing it to co-exist (parent, teachers, friends, spouses, children). If you are one of those people, it’s a learned behavior. And you will continue to let those people in your life act the way they do, until you stop YOUR  behavior. It’s a symbiotic response. Each behavior feeds the other.

So, what I’ve found is that great boundaries and no action is the healthiest way of maintaining my “un-co-dependence.” If someone acts as if he or she wants me to enter into a drama, I step back and watch without reacting or participating. I call it the “no action plan.” It works every time.

Soon, someone makes a move that is out of character, and it’s not me. Alas, growth happens in the other person, or they find another codependent. In which case, I smile and wish both of them well.

As adults, we have a choice… a big choice whether or not we want to get involved in other’s lives and dramas. But as children, they need to have a choice in life. Let’s try to give them one.

If you’re a parent drinking too much and have children, you are causing that child to shoulder a burden he or she shouldn’t have to. If you’re a parent that has a child that is working to help support the family, that is not fair. If you are a parent that sits around watching television, while you’re children clean the house and you boss them around, you are creating codependent children. And let me tell you, they are not going to grow up appreciating you at all. They are going to resent your actions. And you will spend your life wishing you could change what you had done.

I have 50 clients that bear that burden and would ask you from the deepest part of their hearts to stop right now and quit being so selfish.

I’m never sure why I write what I write, but I’m sure someone needed to hear this today. I hope it helped someone. Loving all you guys and gals big. xoxoxo

 

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