Tag: fetishes

50 Shades of Bo Sex vs. Intimacy #bondage #relationshipadvice #spirituality #fetishes #masterslave #gaymarriage

I watched Fifty Shades of Grey last night and actually came away feeling empowered. Why? Because—spoiler alert—the lovely ingénue of the movie (Anastasia, played by Dakota Johnson) walked away from what looked to be the perfect lifestyle and a loving man to take back the one thing her “master” needed of her to be happy—her personal power. And what was Grey, the master, left with? A deep-seated mental disease, a strong detachment disorder, and a sadness that no amount of domination could satisfy.

Yes, the movie spoke the truth about fetishes and dominance. Though, they may be intriguing and sexually satisfying for many people, they also reveal a deep misalignment in the brain’s wiring that would prohibit many from accepting pure love. Sexual fantasy is and probably will always be the easiest way to accept mental detachment from the past, because it allows the person to convert attachment disorder into sexual pleasure. Though it may seem harmless, in the end, it is a smokescreen, at best.

My last relationship actually broke up after I fell in love, lived with, and had a seemingly great relationship with a man who was willing to forgo love for a fetish. His desire seemed simple and harmless—a foot fetish—but in the end, it was either the fetish or love. He rejected what he considered the best relationship of his life for a pathway into gratifying the needs of the misfiring in his brain from childhood trauma.

Three years ago on Valentine’s Day, I had the rare opportunity to see the effects of this dominance on the brain in someone I had loved and wanted to marry. The answer was simple for him. It was either he got to live inside his fetish or release love completely—there was no in between. He chose the fetish. His choice was very sad for me, and I often wonder if he ever had any regrets about his choice. Unfortunately, after two happy years, he left the day after, collected his things, and I never heard from him again.

The only thing I did see, a few weeks after he left, was a profile of him on a dating site that explained a great deal. It said: “Looking for a dominant male, foot fetish, master-slave relationship.” Honestly, no one would have believed it of him, unless, of course, they were privy to this profile and our soaking wet conversation in the shower, when he broke up with me.

I do not share this story for anyone to feel sad. I share it because of the empowerment I finally gained from watching a movie I never thought I would enjoy. Sometimes… most times, understanding and compassion comes from the most unlikely sources. This, indeed, was the case for me.

If you begin dating someone, and they happen to mention in passing about fetishes or fantasies that they want to happen (3-ways, foot fetish, master slave, being tied up), this inherently speaks of deep-seated, unresolved mental issues that have resulted in and expressed as sexuality.

This is an FYI for those who are dating. The more you know about the cues people give you in the getting-to-know-you phase of the relationship, the more you are apt to say, “Hey, this just ain’t for me.”

I wish I had known this five years ago. It would have saved me two years of my life.


This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in Faccbooknewest12-22January)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!


Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completedcropped-cropped-6009Color1001.jpg you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)


Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]






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Monsters in My Bed

(This blog has some explicit thoughts and ideas. If you don’t want to go there with me today, just simply delete it or pass it by. But I felt like this needed to be addressed, especially when we think about the intricacy of the heart.)

Many people who have had sexual problems in the past end up with Monsters in their Beds. You may be lying next to someone you love, but next to that loving person may be the shadow of someone who hurt or abused you.

Many years ago a young man came to see me as a client. He appeared to be a football player, tough and intelligent. However, he had troubles in his marriage. He treated her sexually with an abusive nature that even he didn’t understand. They went to counseling and ended up on my couch.

Something in his neural pathways kept sending the message that “the only way he could achieve orgasm was to get angry with her and treat her with bondagelike actions. Initially, and why this worked so long, the wife had the same kind of fantasies. However, she had gone to therapy and corrected the problems in her past. Now, she wanted to be treated with love and compassion. But her husband couldn’t achieve orgasm when they played the part of the loving couple, which interestingly enough, mirrored their real relationship.

This habit disturbed both of them. The young woman realized this bondage fetish had come from abuse from her father when she was a child. He would hold her down and force her to have oral sex with him. As she got older, he began to enter her, also keeping her hand over her mouth the entire time. Her bondage fantasy helped her appease her sense of pain with her father, who had died before he could ever apologize or make peace.

Back to the husband. I did regression with him to see if he was hiding anything from his conscious mind or repressing it, simply because he was afraid to face it. What we understood quickly, when he got comfortable enough to talk was that his uncle forced him to have oral sex with him. When he got older, the uncle included him in his marriage sex and coerced this sixteen-year-old to have intercourse with his wife while he held her down. Because at sixteen, sex feels good no matter what the circumstance for a boy, my client liked it and began to enjoy his occasional sleepovers at his uncles. After that, he subconsciously looked for women who had bondage fantasies.

For the male, our issue was to reprogram the subconscious mind to NOT need the monsters of the past to get to climax with his wife.

The process was tedious and hard at times. But the couple pushed through because of their incredible love for one another. Complete transparency took place while they had sex. My male client committed to explaining what went on his mind to his wife, while they were having sex. We devised loving mantras for the wife and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) triggers to help the male client come back to the present and to the love.

He went without orgasm for about three weeks before he finally met his intimate partner with a loving climax together. They both said it was the best sex they had ever had. Ultimately, after many intimate times with transparency, the couple was able to have normal sex again. These times, with no monsters.


Go to Week 2 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge”


Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.

A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)

The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”

A Year to CLEAR Challenge!

The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.

My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.

As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.

The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.

The One-Year Approach to Change

No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.

Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”

In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.

Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.

Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) in Early 2014. Thanks!

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