I watched Fifty Shades of Grey last night and actually came away feeling empowered. Why? Because—spoiler alert—the lovely ingénue of the movie (Anastasia, played by Dakota Johnson) walked away from what looked to be the perfect lifestyle and a loving man to take back the one thing her “master” needed of her to be happy—her personal power. And what was Grey, the master, left with? A deep-seated mental disease, a strong detachment disorder, and a sadness that no amount of domination could satisfy.
Yes, the movie spoke the truth about fetishes and dominance. Though, they may be intriguing and sexually satisfying for many people, they also reveal a deep misalignment in the brain’s wiring that would prohibit many from accepting pure love. Sexual fantasy is and probably will always be the easiest way to accept mental detachment from the past, because it allows the person to convert attachment disorder into sexual pleasure. Though it may seem harmless, in the end, it is a smokescreen, at best.
My last relationship actually broke up after I fell in love, lived with, and had a seemingly great relationship with a man who was willing to forgo love for a fetish. His desire seemed simple and harmless—a foot fetish—but in the end, it was either the fetish or love. He rejected what he considered the best relationship of his life for a pathway into gratifying the needs of the misfiring in his brain from childhood trauma.
Three years ago on Valentine’s Day, I had the rare opportunity to see the effects of this dominance on the brain in someone I had loved and wanted to marry. The answer was simple for him. It was either he got to live inside his fetish or release love completely—there was no in between. He chose the fetish. His choice was very sad for me, and I often wonder if he ever had any regrets about his choice. Unfortunately, after two happy years, he left the day after, collected his things, and I never heard from him again.
The only thing I did see, a few weeks after he left, was a profile of him on a dating site that explained a great deal. It said: “Looking for a dominant male, foot fetish, master-slave relationship.” Honestly, no one would have believed it of him, unless, of course, they were privy to this profile and our soaking wet conversation in the shower, when he broke up with me.
I do not share this story for anyone to feel sad. I share it because of the empowerment I finally gained from watching a movie I never thought I would enjoy. Sometimes… most times, understanding and compassion comes from the most unlikely sources. This, indeed, was the case for me.
If you begin dating someone, and they happen to mention in passing about fetishes or fantasies that they want to happen (3-ways, foot fetish, master slave, being tied up), this inherently speaks of deep-seated, unresolved mental issues that have resulted in and expressed as sexuality.
This is an FYI for those who are dating. The more you know about the cues people give you in the getting-to-know-you phase of the relationship, the more you are apt to say, “Hey, this just ain’t for me.”
I wish I had known this five years ago. It would have saved me two years of my life.
This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in January)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.
Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!
Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.
You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]