Midnight at the House of Someone Lonely (A Look at Being By Yourself)
I wish everyone would have a friend. That love would never end. And that peace would fill the hearts of many, especially mine—tonight. I know that many people experience the loneliness that I did this holiday. I spent most of the time hiding out in my bedroom, watching TV, or asleep, hoping the time would pass quickly. I didn’t do this because my life isn’t good. I did it because I didn’t have anyone intimately special to share the holiday with.
I wonder how many people in the world took what should have been a joyous occasion and spent it in sad solitude because of a lack of an intimate partner. I believe I should be happy by myself, but I have trouble making it work in my own life, especially around the holidays.
“You have to love your life without someone before you can love your life with someone!” my therapist says.
I know he’s right. I guess the problem with that is, this year I just became single two months before Christmas, so the adjustment is happening simultaneously with the holiday. When everyone wants and expects me to be happy, I am going around looking like I have been stabbed in the back with a very jagged knife.
I think I may have even contracted shingles in the process. I’ve never had them before, but I believe I have all the symptoms. No fun. I literally can’t shake the yuck sometimes. I just have been walking around in a funk for about three weeks. I can’t wait for New Years to be over and done with. I want the regular world to just be back to normal, so I can get back to normal.
I want to be fun and jolly again. I love making people laugh. I can’t even muster that mischievous little kid inside who loves a prank or a good joke. She, too, is sullen and void of emotion. I just want to sleep all the time. I know I’m depressed, but no amount of antidepressant is helping right now. I guess I should make another appointment with my psychiatrist. But then again, maybe I should wait until after New Years, because I’ll probably go back to being normal again, and I won’t need the extra help.
What is with all this crap about being in relationship anyway? Most of the year all my friends complain about their partners. He’s too controlling. He never let’s me spend any money. She bitches about everything. I can’t do anything right.
Well, if that’s the case, why, now does everything get cozy and nice, just in time for the holidays? Or is it all a big hoax and everybody is really still in a bad place with his/her relationships? I’m willing to guess that is the case, and I’m being depressed for nothing.
I wish I would have thought about this about two weeks ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have given myself a bad case of the shingles worrying about not being happy. Yikes. Life is rough, isn’t it?
Just when you think you are okay where you’re at, some Santa Claus guy tells you, you have to belong to a big family with kids to be part of Christmas. Well, I’m washing my hands of all this bologna. If I’m supposed to be with someone intimately as a partner, that person will come into my life this year. That’s my New Year’s wish.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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