Tag: intimacy

What’s Your Pedigree? #relationshipadvice #truth #intimacy #spiritualadvice #spiritualreality

I had an initial conversation with a new acquaintance. Two times during the dialogue, I felt compelled to hang up the phone and discontinue the conversation. My need to hang up came from the thought that this person was being dismissive to me and a bit aloof.

As an observer of my own behavior, I stopped myself from being reactive to the conversation, because I felt my desire to hang up was based on a bruised ego. I also realized that my conversational topics and point of view could have evoked or triggered his tone and choice words that triggered me. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt; especially, since we both go to the same church, basically work in the same field, and have a lot of the same beliefs about life.

After we hung up the telephone, I rehearsed the conversation in my mind. I realized that when anyone new asks me about myself, I usually begin with a bit about my spiritual take on life then continue with my pedigree (what I do, how I do it, how many times I have been successful, yadda yadda yadda…).

I have been through many of these conversations, especially in the clinical arena, as the first thing I ask my clients is to tell me a little about themselves, even before they tell me their reason for seeing me. I almost never understand who the person is by their pedigree. My following, more probing questions about what makes them tick as a person is what provides the information I need to get to know them more intimately.

As I looked back at the conversation with my new acquaintance, I was quick to share my strong point of view after every time he shared his opinion, which could have been perceived as judgmental. Also, I interrupted him in the middle of telling a story for clarification, and he said, “Well, I wasn’t finished with the story.” This really pushed my button, as I was not trying to be rude, I just wanted to clarify something he said. It was as if we were two dogs vying for dominance. This was not my idea of a great first conversation.

As I listened to the words I chose in the conversation, in my mind, now, though, I believe I would have hung up on myself. I was largely flagrant and led with my successful pedigree, instead the most authentic part of me, which is certainly not arrogance. I’m not sure why this person still wants to meet me for coffee, but I’m determined to not reenact the first conversation again.

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This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in March or April 2016!

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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?cropped-cropped-6009Color1001.jpg

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

 

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PTSD< Sensory Defensive>Transparency

I awoke this morning after a dream about my childhood with an anxious heart. I wanted to jump up from the bed and scream, but I lay still and crawled closer to my partner. He didn’t understand what I was feeling, so he wasn’t able to help me with trauma one experiences who has had a Post Traumatic event in his or her past.

I’m writing this because I realized that after I took my dog for a walk and thought about it, I have been playing the same role of a child with my partner and needed to be transparent about what had happened and how we both could deal with it as adults in the perfect present.

When you have a PTSD moment that is triggered by an action, dream, thought, smell, or event, your heart automatically goes into fear. Depending on the event, you could even show signs of disorientation. For me, this wasn’t a bad event. I was just triggered a bit and felt, for about 30 minutes, that I was back in that sexually abusive environment.

This causes, for some people, a state called Sensory Defensiveness. If you have never heard of this disease, believe me, it’s real. All of your senses get heightened to the point that a touch can feel like a stab wound, a smell can be caustic, and even a kiss can feel like someone you love is smothering you. The result is “Fight of Flight” mode for the physical mind and body. Many studies of PTSD show that this trigger superseded the rational brain. So, no matter what you know about yourself or your past, you still must recognize that a trigger could happen, and have resources in place to talk you down from your fear.

Sensory defensiveness is treated with occupational therapy. Two of the things that are most used in the easing of the defensiveness are weight and light brushing of the skin. The reason why these are used is because the PTSD causes neural pathways to fire fast and erratically. Weight and light brushing causes confusing to the neural pathways and the effect is generally an easing of the symptoms.

So, this morning, had I been transparent with my partner and explained to him ahead of time how to deal with an event like this, this is what it may have looked like:

I awaken with fear. He awakes and notices I’m withdrawn and my heart is racing. I tell him that I have had a bad dream. He asks me what the dream is about. I tell him that the dream was about my childhood. I recognizes that my PTSD came from a childhood event, so must assume that I am triggered. He goes into HELP mode. What he can do is help me to breathe slowly. Maybe even breathe with me for a while, very gently rubbing me with just his finger tips, so soft you may feel like you just touching the hair not the skin. If I have a weighted blanket or pillow or weighted vest, he may reach for that and put it over me. This gives the person the bundled effect that a baby feels when he’s crying in the night.

So, the end result would have been a tender moment of help, instead of a withdrawal and misunderstanding. Because of my work with self-inquiry, I was able to ask myself questions about why I felt the way I did. As a result, I came up with a solution that not only helped me, but also helped my partner understand me a little better and soothe my misbegotten pain.

I hope this helps those of you who suffer from trauma in the past.

Look for my latest book: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!

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Go to Week 3 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” 

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Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.

A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)

The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”

A Year to CLEAR Challenge!

The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.

My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.

As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.

The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.

The One-Year Approach to Change

No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.

Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”

In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.

Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.

Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

 

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I’m Not Your Stepfather

I’m not Your Stepfather

I had a client a few years back who couldn’t sustain a healthy relationship. Every time he got with a woman, he felt like he had to take complete control. Any time the woman would show signs of wanting something her way, he didn’t just weigh in his opinion, he shoved her opinion out. Of course, this led to the dismantling of many, many “could-be” relationships.

He would say to me, “I have lived on my own for too many years now. I can’t seem to find it in me to make compromise. I want to live by myself and have a relationship with someone who is willing to be in separate dwellings forever. I never want to live with someone.”

Of course, my mind was streaming with all the obligatory responses a good life coach would say. But something in me thought that this was not about male dominance or narcissism. This was about something lingering in this man’s past. Finding it would be the key to rebuilding his trust for real relationship.

Let me define what I mean by a real loving relationship.

Loving is not defined by living together, but the metaphor of NOT being able to share space or balance the give and take of daily life, is definitely a sign that someone is unwilling to be in committed relationship.

In all aspects of relationship we are required to be compassionate with each other. We are required to listen to each other’s needs. We are sometimes asked to give up our own needs for the sake of the other’s, if it is a matter of extreme importance. In relationship balance is required as well as spontaneity. It’s a juggling act sometimes, and we all know it.

But the rewards are having a personal companion who knows us completely, who we trust completely, and want to spend lots of time with doing fun and enjoyable things with, as well as mundane day-to-day work.

Having said that, everything about this client was saying that he not only didn’t want relationship, but he didn’t trust it. Or, perhaps, he couldn’t or wouldn’t let someone get close enough to him to hurt him. I wasn’t sure.

We began to talk about his childhood. It turned out he had had a very loving father who died when he was very young. His mother remarried a narcissist, an angry man who ruled with an iron fist. He had gotten beat constantly and basically had had to fend for himself from the time he was twelve years old.

When he told me how this story, he got erect and proud. He felt strong for having endured that horrible relationship and was happy to know he needed no one to take care of his needs. Not even his mother, who had to work to help the family get by.

It suddenly became clear that my client wasn’t running from women. He was running from his stepfather. He didn’t want anyone to take away his autonomy, something he had earned by overcoming the abuse of his stepfather.

Knowing that and trying to undo the power that it had over his psyche was something that took quite awhile to change with hypnosis. But I’m happy to say that he is in a fairly healthy relationship now with someone who has had some similar issues. They live in separate dwellings, but hope someday they can co-abide. I’m very happy for him.

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